Thank you for checking out my blog version, of 10 ways to be selfless by being selfish. This has been an uphill battle for me personally, so I am hoping it will add value to your lives, so let’s begin.
Conflict between the brain and heart
I need you to love yourself first & foremost. Now even saying this a few years ago would have seemed alien. It would rub against my own personal values, ethics and ethos behind how we should live our lives.
But in a nutshell, I need you to believe when I say that you to be selfish, in order to truly be selfless. Now in case, reading is not your thing, I have recorded a 10-minute Podcast episode for this particular topic below:
Now just the thought of being selfish to be selfless, sounds a bit of a contradiction right?
Especially for those of you who are listening thinking it’s selfish to not look after your children, your spouse, parents, & friends first and foremost.
And I get it. Those of you who are truly selfless in their nature & actions find loving themselves 1st almost impossible! Because to them it’s conflicting, it’s selfish and just not something they find easy to do. Which I understand. Just the words alone, ‘be selfish in order to be selfless’ sounds whacky!
I hear you. But for now just hear me out for a second.
This will not affect your ethics or integrity
You see this episode isn’t me just spewing self love information down your throat because I read it from an Instagram meme, or an inspirational tweet. Although this one hits the nail on the head pretty well:
But this blog, and episode I released has come from real life experience. It has come from my own personal life, and from listening to many of previous guests on Find Your Voice.
You see I truly only realised this when I saw some of the most selfless people in my life break. They broke to an extent where they ended up with ill mental health and extreme anxiety. All of this was at the expense of never loving themselves first.
These people spent their whole existence giving, giving and giving. All at the expense of their own happiness, mental health and dreams. Now of course for many that seems like the most altruistic thing to do, but in hindsight, is it really?
Is it really Altruistic?
We need to ask ourselves what happens when you can’t do it anymore? What happens when you can’t keep giving, because your worn out, tired, depleted and having nothing left to give?
I have seen this first hand happen. Where health has been sidelined so much, it has now become ill health. Where mental well-being has never been prioritised to a point people now become dependent on medication?
What happens then?
So I feel almost obligated to do this blog post off the back of the podcast episode, because Finding Your Voice, aka finding your way in life needs you at your best. I need you to recognise that that in true Find Your Voice style, that you should:
“Never let your past define you and Instead let it refine you.”Aren Deu
So if you are making mistakes of not putting yourself first, it can be changed now. So on that basis, and if you have taken anything from all the amazing past episodes on the show, you know that creating your own future is within your grasp. However, to truly experience the joy and fulfilment it has to have you loving yourself first and foremost!
10 Ways to be Selfless by Being Selfish
So let’s get down to the tips!
1. Say Nice Things to Yourself
This one is easy. It won’t have you thinking your selfish. Saying nice things about yourself daily is a must. You know, how you say nice things about your best friends, parents, siblings, spouses and celebrities you follow-on Instagram. And please do not worry, if it sounds awkward, just do me this one favour please. Try just a 2,3 or if your feeling really motivated 4 nice things about yourself today. Then repeat for the next 7 days. It costs you nothing. Yet it’ll probably end up leaving you smiling and soon realising you’ll feel much better and value yourself more.
2. Talk to yourself how you would talk to your child
Talk to yourself, how you would talk to your child. For anyone who has no children, maybe how you talk to the number 1 person in your life. What happens when they fail or make a mistake? Do you criticise them? Swear at them? Belittle them? No? Didn’t think so! So next time you fail or make a mistake maybe speak to yourself the same way you would speak to others.
3. Write down 3 things you are proud of
Write down 3 things you have achieved this week, month or even this year. A promotion, a kind gesture, a new personal best in the gym, a detox from alcohol, it can be almost anything that you feel remotely proud off. Write it down, think about that moment and savour it knowing you can achieve things. Now imagine if you put yourself first and foremost, how much more things you could achieve.
4. Feed your mind & body daily
Feed your mind & body daily. Now not only does this help reduces anxiety, stress and release endorphins, the happy hormone! And as for your mind, my assumption is that if you are listening to the Find Your Voice Podcast, reading this you are keen on improving your current state and growing more in life. So alongside this, try reading books and monitoring the information that comes in your head. This could even be, about you limiting time with specific people. You know those toxic type of people who always moan, bitch and play the victim mentality? (Episode 24 by the way for anyone who wants to change the victim mentality IF that happens to be you)
5. What do people love about you?
This may seem a little awkward or cringe at first BUT you need to do this. Ask the people you love what they love about you. Yes your fishing for compliments, but even the shy and introverts amongst us, still love to hear nice things. Even if it means us finding it awkward and blushing when we are hit with compliments, deep down we actually smile a little.
6. Do something YOU love each day
Do something you love each day. And please don’t tell me you have no time. If you can’t find time, its not a hour problem. It’s a priority problem. This could be reading your favourite book, listening to your favourite songs, singing, dancing, walking, taking photographs of nature. Whatever it is, choose an hour for you. Thats 4% of the day by the way, and you 100% deserve 4% of each and every day.
Affirmation time. If I love myself first, it does not mean I love anyone else any less. Or if you prefer: I must love me first, so that I can be around, operating at my absolute best to help those I care about.
8. Future thinking of your loved ones
Think about being their for those you love in the future. The better you prioritise and look after your physical and mental health now, the longer you can be around for those you love in your life. I am sure that those you love, love you back. And just knowing this, you need to know that they want you around for the long term. So stick around for it. Take your best self into the future!
9. Remove toxic people
Remove toxic people! I briefly touched about this on point 4, but sometimes having toxic people around you who take, take, and take could see you just giving, giving and giving without realising the ill effect its having on your health. You are not obligated to put up with someone else shit. You are not a punchbag. Remember, you are someone who just like them, and everyone else, needs to be loved, needs to be appreciated by yourself and others!
10. Write your own story
Write your own story. I preach authenticity and finding your voice because there is nothing more empowering, fulfilling and just damn right exciting as living on your own terms. We spend far too much time-consuming stuff from others, comparing our lives to others highlight reels. Instead of consuming, start creating. Create your own story, write your own story.
And remember every single one of the points above, will not have you being selfish to anyone else. It will not affect anyone else. In fact the only thing it truly does is bring a better version of you to the party!
So there we have it, 10 quick ways to love yourself first.
I sincerely hope these useful and they add value. I assure you that even if you just take 3 or 4 of these I am 100% confident you will feel happier and more fulfilled.
Your deserve it!
Have an awesome day!