Drugs, Cartels and Finding God #5

Drugs, Cartels and Finding God #5

Find your voice – Episode 5 – Look up by Ashley Nixon #5

Tagline: “So you sort of look at the victories of the past, and you rely on them for victories in the future”

https://arendeu.com/podcast

Find your voice – Episode 5

Ashley Nixon grew up with rage, that would spiral his life into turmoil. Drug abuse, prison, fighting both in and out of the ring, dealing with well known drug cartels and gangs he often found himself living a life destined for jail or death. Fortunately it was the former and through his time in prison, Ashley had a realisation towards a better life. His purpose almost became apparent and with hard work, the right mindset and devoting himself to a larger cause Ashley is now on his path to serving others and making a massive difference in the world.

His genuine personality, of wanting to serve and now his love for himself having been accepted by the lord, as he puts it, has given him a new life. Born again, is how he describes it and shows that anyone, despite their past mistakes or actions can truly turn their life around.

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#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what’s

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and I am the host of the

show so today’s episode is one of hope

and one which really does capture your

imagination on what is possible this

individual has been at rock bottom and I

mean rock bottom where he’s had the

support he’s had the community and he’s

had the people around him to really try

and lift him up but it just wasn’t

enough until something changed and I’m

not gonna tell you what that thing is

but I’m gonna let him explain it because

I think this is such an important story

about how we so often try and do things

to please other people we try and fit

into places where we just know we don’t

belong and thankfully for not only

himself did he realize this but also for

the community he is now having such a

massive positive impact on so I hope

you’re all having a fantastic day and I

hope this interview really does give you

some insight in terms of what’s possible

and more importantly just give you a

sense of hope that people can change

firstly I’m gonna welcome back to the

show so how you doing today my friend

yeah I’m doing good thank you yeah

really good thank you privilege to be

there so thank you well I’m very

grateful that you’ve taken time out your

day to come on so obviously you’ve heard

the introduction as listeners but I

think it’s more important we hear a

little bit more about Ashley himself and

I’ve heard snapshots and highlights

about how your world is transformed

basically since I last seen you in the

gym so it’s gonna be interesting for me

as well as you guys is the listener so

actually if you wouldn’t mind if you

could just give us a run through a

little bit about your life from the

moment you can remember basically up

until where you are right now my right

okay yeah

and it’s looking back on your life and

I’m 30 years old now so as you can

imagine I’ve lived quite a bit for 30

years

listen try and give a bit of a snapshot

of my life it’s it’s when you’re ready

to start so suppose looking back to

where we met we first met at the boxing

club leading up to that I’d been living

with my family in Coventry they’re a

group of Coventry we had my mom my man

and a sister as well never really had a

dive growing up and then was about 10

years old my mum met my now stepdad and

being a 10 year old lad being the life

of the family the man of the house and

then certainly having this new man in

the house it kind of I think from there

things began to disrupt in my house my

world was kind of turned upside down a

little bit and to add to that I suppose

we moved them from Commons we’d

established when I was about 11 years

old and so I’m moving to a new area the

accents were funny funny which is I’m

really but I’m sorry no new area I

trying to make new friends

angry and upset with my home situation

and so as you can imagine I began to

meet with and get to know other kids

that were like myself really just angry

upset at the world and from there as you

can imagine paint up in school excited

to describe lessons and to get suspended

and get into fights him in there for

long smoking smoking cannabis regula

getting drunk on the weekends

occasionally was ecstasy involved or

cocaine and life for me quite early on

in the years began to spiral really I

don’t know what it was just one of those

kids that you know I weren’t really

scared of the police instead of school

and my family at home and we and upset

and trying to find a way to express

emotions I didn’t quite understand and

so through crime and getting into

trouble and I’ve been involved with

young offenders and team stuff I and

they put me to trick all connections it

was back in the day connections with

something that work with young kids to

try and provide positive activities for

them so they sent me to the Lions Boxing

Club and so that’s how I found myself at

the box we talked when I was probably

about 15 16 years old oh wow yeah yeah

yes that’s probably my first my he

wasn’t about that it was yeah my brief

memory of yourself was so I always had

this thing in my head where I was at the

most talented but I would always try and

outwork everyone in the gym

and there’s probably I’d say a handful

of people that I remember obviously you

had Connor who was like you know one of

the best boxes in the gym there’s a guy

good friend of mine called Andy who used

to work really really hard on his

fitness and I remember yourself and

that’s pretty much my only memory of you

as somebody who when he came in he

pretty much gave ease or so in terms of

like work ethic and stuff I fully

understand that I just want to quickly

touch on something though that you

mentioned that you when you were growing

up and you were angry and upset with the

world and stuff was that solely because

you had no father growing up or yeah hi

sighs beautiful thing in it and then

look looking back I I try now to try and

work out and organize and think what it

was but the time it’s hard when you’re

in the middle of something and your

life’s a mess in these turmoil sometimes

it’s hard to put your finger on what it

was I suppose looking back it was diyos

I was a little kid in Coventry and I was

ten years old had my first girlfriend

and things were going while I played for

the football team in my primary school

and then my mom meets my stepdad this

man’s in my house and we move so you

know an hour away from my home having to

make new friends and I didn’t want that

and I suppose it was just rebellion

against that really I mean looking back

now I recognize my mom you know she had

me at a very young age and she gave up

her youth to be my mom and she had a

shot at being happy you know and I

wasn’t happy about us being selfish and

suppose there’s been a kid not

understanding the world around you’re

suppose absolutely absolutely and I

think you touched on the point there

hindsight’s a wonderful thing we

sometimes even myself I mean I was never

involved with the police or anything but

this stuff I did as a kid or at school

and you cringe when you think back and

think yeah I was are that guy but I

suppose we all know lessons from it and

that’s kind of what I’m trying to get

from this podcast and fun this interview

with yourself so you’ve touched on

briefly obviously you got into boxing

then so how did that kind of transform

your life because I know that had a

massive impact yeah so this is this is

the first time boxing and so there’s

another second occasion which is after

this occasion I was there for a while

and it provided that stability and it

provided routine provided discipline

that sort of thing and I remember the

the Rob this went back when I was a kids

ball Marines came in and they didn’t

like a little demonstration in the

boxing club and that was me so I thought

the rule means I’m gonna become a

soldier and I went to the the careers

office and I told him look I want to be

a soldier I want to come and serve and

they asked me about my criminal record

and they basically said look pave

yourself a couple years and we’ll accept

that so I tried my best to behave as

I’ve always been a Jacqueline so it’s

more a case of not getting caught

except for couple years continue to box

continue to get fit get healthy and went

down to limp stone in Devon I’ve done a

four-day selection course for the wrong

reasons and which I passed that and also

sets means of the wrong reasons and then

I go into a phone a pub and I’ve done

for a BH I’d leave that witness

intimidation and as you can imagine that

was the wrong Marines was my way out my

way out of the brokenness my way out of

the mess it was my way of trying to fix

myself and blooby only stay after that

the door closed and my life just

spiraled from there and things got real

but from then on I went back to the only

thing that I really knew other than that

and that was selling drugs so from a kid

from a young age or worked out you know

the best way to fund any drug habit that

I’d have would be to sell drugs myself

and along with all the states that come

to that all of the reputation the money

and the people thinking you’re the big I

am and I really started a little kids I

was an idiot and more Pitt and I’ve got

caught up in a world that was massive

way bigger than myself and so that was

like 19 I think that was I started

spiraling and really spiraling in that

control and over the next four years 19

to the age of sort of 23 involve wrigley

involved in drug dealing and gang life

that sort of thing I got noticed by some

proper thugs like some proper like

organized crime and I start selling for

these guys and these guys were like

I mean we were selling to like

street-level lads and then we send to

those that are selling to them on the

streets but occasionally buying from the

locals like the Albanian mafia and

selling the house a like it sounds crazy

we’ve seen out loud sometimes I mean I

sometimes I get to show this he’s not

saying it sometimes I share this through

it sounds like something you see almost

on a netflix program like narcos or it

might sound like that but i’ll be honest

like this sort of thing happens

throughout the country you know I mean

every town every neighborhood every

council estate

have somebody who’s involved in this

kind of a lifestyle it’s they I’m sure

as you know yourself maybe this kind of

things it’s widespread throughout this

country and I got caught up in it you

know I’m 1920 from a life away and I can

own money really quickly and I’m going

to house parties and people know who I

am and about reputation and people

respect me and I’ll be honest – they’re

scared little kid if a woman’s just

trying to vent that anger that

frustration and finding drugs to mask

problems and issues and it may is just a

mess man absolute mess but yeah I

suppose you can imagine from that and

ended up in prison eventually which was

absolutely the best place for me exactly

where I belong and looking back now

prison mate was the best thing that ever

happened to me just to touch on that so

I’ve previously worked in a prison for

about six months it was part of my

social work I was doing a master’s at

the time and when I went there it was

one of the scariest places I’ve ever

been personally so I am afraid of the

police I am afraid of like silly things

but when I was there you’ve seen how how

little these people have interaction

with their kids or with you know the

community will be able to just do stuff

I mean you were getting that one hour

freedom a day where they’re allowed to

walk in like the park kind of area they

had and I was looking at that and I used

to go work there so obviously I’m there

from like 9:00 to 5:00 in a I’m so happy

to get back home and I used to always

say I just come home to the missus and I

was like because I’ve had a couple of

scraps here and there and sometimes

you’ve hit someone the wrong way and

they’re falling down and they’re not

getting up and you kind of panic and you

think shit this could go in that

absolutely different way and I literally

sat back and I think having experienced

that from the outside for six months it

was it was eye-opening for me to make

sure that I never ever used my hands or

got into an altercation in the wrong way

so if you wouldn’t mind like just for

them at listeners here because I think

it’d be quite interesting a day in the

life of being someone as sort of a

prisoner and how long would you

therefore as well yeah okay so I was I

was quite fortunate and being involved

in the life that was involved you know

and regularly carried firearms and that

we’ve you know tens of thousands of

pounds of cocaine transporting it in my

car I could have been given you know

seven ten fifteen you know however many

years

but in the end that abh thousand I got

them for I got given a suspended

sentence at the end of the spin is ins

messed up again got given community

order or whatever it was basically like

my old sentence was just hanging over my

head because I never managed to behave

long enough for it to disappear and in

the end I got caught with about two or

three grams of cocaine which is

basically enough for personal amount

that basically invoked the suspended

sentence and I was given 6 months and 14

days so I was well you say six months is

like for me I mean I’m not like I could

do a weekend in there oh yeah I think

prison ultimately I mean as long as

you’re willing to go there behave

yourself get your head down you’re gonna

be okay but the reason you’re in there

is because that’s not something that you

do too easily

absolutely for this occasion a tourism

the game and so you’re okay and then

being allowed that’s always trying to

prove himself always trying to you know

present this person you know long okay

I’ve got it together okay and so I find

myself in this prison and in prison is a

currency which is like tobacco and

tobacco you’re buying drugs you buy a

shoe by that and it’s the only addiction

that you’re allowed and so people crave

the nicotine in animes in prison if you

want to borrow some tobacco from say

like the loan sharks in there they’ll

give you however big the pouch is one

week the next week they want to put the

amount back my Gran’s this prison

and I thought you know I’m gonna start

borrowing tobacco because I wanna smoke

aside borrowing some I didn’t really

think about the repayments at all the

guy that was borrowed from was only a

scrawny looking lad so I didn’t really

feel too much about it he came on to me

one day said Let Me In and pay me back

what you owe me I basically told him I

told him where to go something on me I’m

a painter which is you can imagine was a

pretty stupid idea and I didn’t do

because I was a tough guy no I don’t

know I wouldn’t tell anybody I was a big

hard man you know me big toughness just

more pickup in this crazy world but this

guy anyway he goes down and he says man

I’m gonna go get my clothes my foot yeah

whatever jog on like you went to go get

it

his cousin was huge me

imagine a massive Commodore basically

corridors on the side

I mean there’s a little central bit and

then another block on either side sort

of things so kind of what you see on the

TV rooms so I’m on the fifth floor the

fifth I’m in the top floor and I’m just

Hank like basically my hands on the

railings just looking over and then this

big huge guy comes around the corner and

he goes right if that can’t be is

causing this guy was huge and so I we’re

new in prison if you guys didn’t have a

strap normally go into a pad one of the

prison ward like the cells in that

you’ll have it off of a strap and two

guys will stand outside and keep trying

till the guards come sort of thing as

you can imagine that’s a pretty

intimidating prospect when a guy that

this guy was huge

but he came towards me anyway and sort

of like he put himself in the browser as

well and I don’t know if used for the

proven point to the rest of the wind

because he ended up being the biggest

loan shark on the wind load and he’s put

his arms over the side I’m over to sign

his turn and he goes what are you gonna

pay me back and as I turned to talk to

him he just hit me at the side of the

head as hard as he could

I’ve sort of staggered back I ended up

having local marks on the side made four

to three weeks because he’s doing it on

the landing on the wing the security

guards nearby and so we strapped in

flashing 30-second twenty seconds when

Allah and screwy guys jumped on him

pinned him to the floor I’ve turned to

decide the scrawny cousins had a go at

me then as well and so I won’t have any

scraps on the land and the security

guards got involved and and through

basically the street lighting involved

was the last one standing but as you can

imagine again reputation starts good for

the roof people saying he is not a liar

you know I’m not paying attention to the

system playing by the prison’s rules

like I said me I was in India

whoopee and I got myself into all kinds

of trouble but um see ya these guys

ended up there getting removed off the

prison wing moves to another part to

present and tobacco size tutorial

because that last the ones who were

supplying tobacco they put a price on my

head so that if anyone gave me a hickey

and or a beam or whatever or you know

you’re in prison with a price on you and

it’s mostly you know stabbed a sticker

and so this is the position I found

myself in all over the game making

things absolutely the worst I possibly

could for myself really I want to say I

admire your honesty for for coming up

and and sharing this story and I think

what we need to take away from is

probably the most important bits is that

while you were doing all this and I’ve

seen you you’re a big lad you your

strong lad but you just mentioned a

couple of things there where you’ve said

that you were scared and you know you

had a mask on and you were you were kind

of you almost trying to be somebody that

you maybe you weren’t deep down I’m not

sure I’m not sure if that’s the right

words but I just feel like you’ve shown

some vulnerability there and I think

there’s probably a lot of kids and I’ve

got I’ve got a couple of extended family

members or friends who are doing similar

things to yourself and it and it’s it

worries me because I’m always trying to

tell them but like whose reputation are

you really trying to get and what is

this reputation that you want to be

known for and I want to kind of just

spin this a little bit because I don’t

want people just thinking that you’re

right they’re just crap over the world

and going absolutely crazy because there

is light at the end of the tunnel with

your story which is why I find it so

fascinating I know recently you’ve had a

massive transformation in your life and

I I can tell from your intelligence that

one you realize that you were

accountable for everything you’ve taken

responsibility you’ve accepted that yeah

it was your fault so if you wouldn’t

mind just just for the listeners as well

just kind of how your life started to

transform or what measures you took yeah

okay so I think from what you’ve heard

from my story already there’s a couple

of times I’ve tried to sort myself out

boxing was one and which in the end

became so incredible at the time I think

too young and too stupid to take the

opportunity given to me the second

Holmes the rule means trying to solve a

self out through the wrong reasons

many times I’ve tried and I knew my life

was a mess I knew I needed help and you

I needed a way out but I think with the

anger and the frustration and I’ll be on

let things go I was trapped you know as

I was trapped you know I think I was in

prison within my own mind long before

everything prison itself and so I think

personally I was at a point of not being

able to help myself at all it’s funny

because I this apart the storyline I

love this part of story it’s not always

a part the story that people can always

truly grasp time in this prison my

life’s in danger there’s a price on my

head I’m looking over my shoulder

constantly waiting to get a kick in and

it is at this point another prisoner who

was who was in the cell opposite me he

came to me he said may I I think you

need God and then one thing he got in

your life and I for me you want to

taking the mick yeah and I’m in prison

my life’s in danger I need you know

baseball bat or a couple of mates I

don’t know and you know that’s crazy but

I think it’s something at that point I

don’t know if she’s been triggering me

something caught my attention I don’t

know what it was but a couple of days

later I’m walking down a prison wing in

the corridor and there’s a sign-up sheet

on the wall for chapel and I see this

functional chapel and and something

about it just it just caught my

attention it’s all about it he just drew

me towards it I was like okay what’s

this all about

I looked at it and I read this time

machine afore it’s not for me and I mean

I’m not interested I don’t care what

this guy’s saying about God I don’t want

to know I don’t care and I went to walk

away and something is showing me it’s

the strangest thing about it just felt

like there’s something tugging at me

something within was just pulling at me

and I look back now and I’ve got words

to try and describe what was going on it

was just crazy

it was like it was weird it was crazy so

it was pulling me towards this song she

does something more about it than what I

read about it yeah in the end of I’ve

sort of gone back and as I’m going back

towards it there’s like a sense of

excitement growing I mean almost like a

sense of adrenalin groaning me know I

was training some crazy drugs in this

world but what was going on at that

moment was it was surreal it’s weird and

so I thought you know what can I lose

let’s go and check out what this

chappals all about and so I signed up my

name and basically what this feat was

about is if you sign up my name on a

Sunday a prison guard will come to you

so they’d release you from prison they

take you to Chapel I thought okay cool

I’ll get myself out there so let’s go

I sign my name a million and the moment

I found my name of a centerpiece it

means I’d never experienced before in my

life well you know I was here I was in

prison I was a broken-down scumbag and

exactly what I deserved

my life was in danger and if I got me a

kicked in and I said oh I deserve but

here I was feeling peace feeling as

though there’s more to life than what

currently experienced more than any

people as well and that was crazy me to

try and for me to look back and like

sometimes I catch myself saying now it’s

telling this story

absolutely crazy really yeah I think I

think this is such a fascinating story

because it’s literally from one extreme

to the complete opposite end of the

spectrum it’s not like you’ve made a

mistake you made it the second time and

then you you’ve kind of sorted yourself

at through whatever means it is you’ve

literally I mean I’m listening to that

story initially and if I didn’t know you

and say for instance you had already

told me half the story I would be like

okay there’s no hope for this guy and I

say that because like I said I know

people who are who have had a similar

life and I’ve tried my best to help them

personally and I tried to kind of change

their circle of friends their influence

try and change their mindset make them

read more do more and sometimes I’ll be

honest I feel helpless but what you’ve

just given me there which you may not

realize is you’ve given me a sense of

hope that actually ok might not be God

but there there is a way that we can tap

into people say for instance like

yourself and I’m I’m using your words

here I’m not calling you this by the way

per say Prince is somebody exactly like

a scumbag for example I really sort of

transform their lives so oh yeah that is

powerful powerful stuff so yeah so you

started you started in prison in terms

of so you go to this chapel and then how

did that kind of accelerate afterwards

yeah yeah so I mean I’m in prison and

learned the chapel week-in week-out and

I’m trying to study this bad person

trying to get more groups the Bible and

stuff like that and hearing about a God

who who loves me and God he wants the

very best for me a God of second chances

a god of redemption a lot of forgiveness

and these are all the things I knew that

I needed so desperately and I remember

going back to my son and tried my first

ever prayer and I’m sort of saying God

you know if you’re out there and you are

who these people say well look I need

help and I really really need to know

please how many way the week’s all go by

I’m coming towards a moment where I like

the opposite gangs in honor these lads

are involved with these little guys okay

here comes to kicking I’m waiting for an

alarm would go off or a cigar would just

turn on the corner you know I mean and

like almost like you leave coincidences

yeah yeah looking at them on the surface

like this just a coincidence you know

the main burner like it felt like I was

protecting me I felt renewed it’s not

hope was there like I had hope you know

never excused

like tomorrow’s gonna be okay it’s gonna

be all right you know me like no matter

how dark and how broken how messed up my

situation was you know what there is a

way out and things can change and it’s

beautiful me just having that hope just

it stirs you online I love that I love

that message and that’s kind of a

message I always try and preach my

selves and it’s actually something that

keV it’s fantastic and he talks about

belief and whether you believe in God or

whether you believe in anything like he

always says worst case just believe in

yourself because we all need that

otherwise we’re lost and I suppose you

you were I think it’s fair to say you

were lost for so long and oh yeah you

found your calling and I think that’s

fantastic mate it’s one it’s nice to

hear that your life had turned around

from that yes I imagined that your

opinion of yourself changed so rather

than see yourself as this scumbag for

example will keep just using that word

yes how did you start seeing yourself

how would you explain yourself you okay

I’d love to say that instantly BAM my

change completely yes does this new

sense of hope there was this sense of

per person of death meaning that my life

had value and meaning you know I mean it

wasn’t just some random mess that was

doomed to fall apart with her but like

prisoners to flying yes I’ve got this

Bible in my hands now I’m trying to

learn to pray but then I’m back in my

own neighborhood of I tackle my uncle

and my old gang mates who are only my

old influences are they’re my old

reputation goes before mold you know

know made all this temptations around me

looking I remember the first night come

out of prison you know this Bible in me

under mana going back home and we make

comes running and I’m sniffing coke with

him and I’m wondering why I can’t sleep

at night you know my doings myself and I

think the 10-month period be kind of

just completely wrestling between the

identity that I used to have

and this new identity that I’ve

experienced and wanted so much more uh

and so does this season of uh you know

at growl bit on the weekend and I’ll get

into fights and I’ve got my jaw broken

between I throw my prison before I

started boxing just a flat-out into a

fight go out and take drugs then come

home and read my Bible and pray and

believe in this God that was gonna save

me and set me free it was just a weird

season of things happening but in this

period again like I spoke about

coincidences in the prison I believe

coincidences we had to start taking

place outside of prison as well so the

gang that I was involved in and I said I

was on tag so I had to be in by seven

fucking line eight o’clock at night

there was caught in the drugs bust right

at one point four million pounds of drug

bust and they’re caught with like large

amounts of cocaine large amounts of cash

shotguns and literally a big bust it was

across the news everywhere so they were

removed from the streets I found out my

best friend was Steven my girlfriend was

in prison so they all removed from my

life and through another series of

complete coincidences I was left

isolated and all alone and with nothing

more than the Bible and trying to learn

to pray and I believe God removed the

baggage from my life and the brokenness

for my life to really be able to work on

myself and so for me when when you read

some of the things in the bite the bio

bassoonist stuff the bio says about it’s

beautiful like it’s beautifully like

says that every hair that’s on your head

is numbered God knows you that well and

that intimately in you are of that

importance and that value in your hair

is numb but you don’t mean like stuff

like it’s beautiful and she decided to

read this stuff and he starts to to

speak value into your life I think one

of the most powerful things that that

can happen with things like depression

you’ll have these thoughts that go over

and over and over in your head and they

completely compounding

the ideas so if you think that you’re

nothing any worthless and you’re

thinking that constantly every single

day you’re gonna think you’re worthless

and nothing I know it’s gonna spiral or

as if someone starts to speak words are

positive words are encouraging

I think words and words that we believe

and the things that we believe about

ourselves are so powerful you’ve took

the words right out of my mouth and I

was gonna say this literally I was gonna

say this later on because how you speak

to yourself will determine your life in

your story and your level of happiness

massively in terms of so even myself

I’ve gone through like anxiety and all

that sort of stuff in my life and in

terms of like my business for example if

just use it as an example it’s gone much

better in the last six months than it

was previously but because my state of

mind and my self-worth and love and

everything was always at its best I

suppose I’ve always managed to be happy

in the moment and happy in the now so

irrespective of whether I have more

zeros in the end of my bank account at

the end of the day or I have a fancier

car outside on my driveway my level of

happiness doesn’t really change because

it’s an inside job and I think people

are always trying to personal things

materialistic things whereby they’re

trying to get some sort of validation

from the public or external factors but

what you really need to do is look

within yourselves and until you can

start loving yourself and start looking

after yourself so how you look after

yourself in the gym or with your diet

you need to look after yourself with

your thoughts so you know massively I

appreciate you saying that mate because

I’m you did take the words out my mouth

I was saving that for later it’s

important we live in a world now which

is so media driven Facebook we’ve got

everything there are fingertips but the

message of the world is saying to us is

you’re not good enough unless you have

this have something to sell they’ve got

a product to get rid off so they can

convince you that you’re not good enough

without their product that’s what

they’re gonna do and if we’ve seen these

messages day in and day out

no wonder the half of all things were no

good with nothing we’re worthless

because that’s what the world is telling

us that’s so powerful it’s horrible me I

mean it makes people feel inferior and I

think one of the things I’ve always

tried to do so I used to be personal

training previously a long time ago and

I see a lot of personal trainers or

they’re not even personal trainers it

people on Instagram who you’ve got six

packs for example and what they’re doing

is those they’ll sell this kind of

course or they’ll just keep constantly

showing forwards of their abs and then I

was getting a lot of people come in with

insecurities because I happens is you go

on Instagram everyone’s live in their

best life everyone’s got a car

everyone’s going on holiday a month they

read it to all friends in the middle of

the night and they doing all this crazy

stuff and I’m thinking you saying the

truth another reason for this podcast is

to give people the the cold hard truth

that you’re gonna have shit days you

know you’re gonna you’re gonna have good

days but it’s about trying to work on

your mindset trying to understand the

people out there like like yourselves

who are going through this as well but

they’re coming out on the other side

basically and they’re coming out with it

whether it’s the

connection to God or whether it’s their

daily habits or the way they the

environment we’re in in the words for me

I find that in the Bible I found that in

my relations with God I find out how he

was guiding me and leading me but then

at the same time then another powerful

part was the boxing club hmm so I knew I

needed a good community around me I

needed friends I needed help you know

and for me as much as I’ve experienced

God and his power in prison as much as I

was now reading the Bible and praying

the idea of going to church was was

foreign you know me but I remembered

from when I was a kid that I had a place

where I was welcomed I had a place where

I was loved I had a place where I was

accepted that was my boxing club so I

remember rather sheepishly driving back

to my boxing club knowing I left there

because I’ve got caught up in drugs and

stuff knowing that I’d probably let them

all down and wondering how they treat me

want to come back and I member pulling

up in there in the carpark in there and

then so keV came out for the doors like

I lost one even recognized me and he

said come in man we went in and like he

let one of the other coaches carry on

with the class and stuff and went up and

sign the classrooms upstairs

it just checked me like you just heard

my story heard how old my life’s

returning to you know complete hustle

yeah yeah except me like and you know

he’s not Christian himself but the

values that he betrays their godly made

the beautiful and I mean the guy’s

incredible May he was my first episode

and the reason he was my first episode

is because the world needs more of keV

Dylan and I don’t think because he’s

nature and his job and stuff he’s not

aware of the whole selling himself for

marketing himself and I’m kind of I want

to be his advocate because I just feel

that if people spend mine with him

may I mentioned on the podcast the best

years of my life was when keV was

training me on a one-to-one basis I

loved him I loved spending time with him

I’m similar to keV I’m not a religious

person but we share the same values and

ethics and I feel that whatever you find

your power through or your level of Hope

through hold that tight I’ve never let

go because that’s gonna that’s gonna get

you through this world because and just

his way of thinking I mean he could sit

there and feel sorry for himself all the

time or he could judge you

there and I think it takes a big man

like yourself to come out and think okay

I’ve let these people down many times

before can I step back in the reason so

Fairplay for dropping your ego there

because I think that’s another thing he

has we have a big sense of ego growing

up yeah and if you can if you can get

rid of the ego within yourself I just

think you live a much more fulfilling

life

no absolutely it’s a blessing still

being a mop it still reading this Bible

and praying and still had these crazy

experiences may his cradles just in a

crazy time but I start with the box in a

box it becomes a place of stability

becomes a place of discipline and a

place where I’m accepted and then let me

even given the privilege of now to coach

as well and I’m like somebody’s putting

value in tomorrow if you see something

it mean it’s calling the help from me as

we’ve gotten more relation with God the

same things happening and I ended up

then going back to church I start going

to church I’ll be honest because a girl

invited me and so I find myself in

church against trying to buy another

community of people that just love me

and accept me for who I am

and and then I heard the Gospel message

which is the central message of

Christianity that God loves you no

matter what you’ve done he wants to

forgive you for no matter how much

brokenness and how much pain you’ve

brought into this world and wants to

give you a second chance and so I sort

of accepted that message and I believe

through the boxing and the community had

their through the valley the cave was

given me through the Bible through my

experience of God something in me just

boldly changed and I had a new sense of

who I was as a person and for me I was

still taking drugs I never had any

troops counseling no referral workers no

drug dependency no no help or medication

just gonna show us how we can just

saying this is one going to live for the

next week drugs just went has no

addiction as new need for it there’s

like the void that was being filled with

the drugs or the void that has been

filled with white say was darkness which

is full of light no best hope and it was

just boom I’m free and you made just

that I just want to touch time that

sorry just before you carry on you make

what you did there you made a decision

when you make a decision like you just

made there with conviction

in the church saying listen you know

what this is me now this is my new

identity this is the new actually mixin

I am no longer that person you’ve kind

of ridding yourself of that past it’s

just powerful mate and I just want to

elaborate on that thank you thank you

yeah there’s a beautiful passage in the

bio leases and you must be born again so

you must have your whole life completed

and he’s set free from stuff so for me

I’ve always wanted to be free the drugs

I always knew it was wrong but there’s

like something that just held me in it

like I don’t know ever just like I said

didn’t have the conviction didn’t having

a belief

didn’t have the sense of shrimp to get

myself out but now that moment standing

in my church and I message your foot

might not believe this is really true

it’s almost as if BAM was born again you

know no man all right I felt like

something just changed like it’s crazy I

love it’s a massive change from

obviously where you fit first where we

just touch on that now so you you’re

born again it’s your day like now then

because I’m hoping and I’ve got my hands

crossed here that you’re not on the

streets at any stage selling anything

doing anything god you made so what’s

your kind of like daily routine that

you’re doing that God the drums

disappeared on peon they don’t say only

only like you and you’re kind of dante’s

you’re you’re downplaying the

achievements listen my biggest claim to

fame was keV was gonna select me for

novice Nationals and I’d only had one

fight previous to that and I took an

injury outside which is a story for

another day but I was so proud of that

because I know how hard it is to train

mate so fantastic mate well done for

that so thank you yeah so yeah I’ve done

the Box in than that and then I was

coaching the club and you know you just

shrimp dish shrimp and then I’ve I went

to my church I was doing like an

internship at the same time trying to

get my head into what the hell is this

crazy Christian world all about why is

the truth a bit as opposed to the the

Christianity of this portrayed in the

media what’s the real story behind all

then my church said look we want to fund

you and pay for you to go to Bible

College which is basically University so

I went to university degree in the

priorities in church leadership

she’s the first class on this as well

relations lady who’s been in prison

he’s quite yeah massive massive

turnaround I love that from their church

so about six hundred churches in Britain

and about three thousand around the

world as well they want to they’ve

recognized that my life changed I

recognized that there’s something of God

in me and something’s going on in my

life so they’ve probably now on to a

training program which is for the next

three years become an ordained reverent

a minister so I’m currently training to

become a minister and church mate

believe or not may you’re giving me

goosebumps I contact you see you right

now

I promise you the hairs of light raised

Omaha from drugs to a degree to now

you’re going to be spreading the message

of what you believe in the future and I

bless my little boy and be there for him

in an amazing life radically changed me

I love the privilege that I have to

share this story because every time I

share it I’m a I’m so grateful as well

myself to be able to sit here and speak

with you as well whether honestly this

is this is fantastic and this is this is

what it’s all about spreading this kind

of message as well your son’s very lucky

because sometimes I feel in a way

you have an advantage over other people

because you’ve been you’ve been in the

dark side mate you’ve been rock bottom

and use this in it and you’re not you’re

not reading a book about somebody who’s

been on the dark side and then trying to

fabricate a story you’ve lived it you

know not on the other side and it gives

people hope and like likely touched on

earlier hope is like one of the most

important things in the world cuz if

you’ve nothing to hope for and nothing

to wish for then life kind of becomes

meaningless you know a powerful man I’m

really happy for you you give me

goosebumps mate it’s the first time

we’ve really so I’m looking forward to

obviously keeping this friendship going

in the future as well and whenever you

down at the gym is are trying to stuff

my boxing gloves on I love it okay so

I’m gonna just switch it a little bit

now and I was gonna ask him at adversity

but I think pretty much hit like so many

aspects of your life in terms of

adversity but if I just put you on the

spot a little bit here now for the

listeners he has an only chance to kind

of prepare himself for this so let’s

just point to him but I’m sure you’ll

and you’ll on the right answer me in

terms of adversity so now you’ve been

born again and things are going well for

you you’ve got hmm I mean new missus

you’re with your son now you’re spending

time with him things are going well for

you you’ve got your degree in everything

if let’s just say now in the last couple

of months or the last year could you

think of a time where you’ve had

adversity again but knowing what you

know now and obviously finding the light

how do you handle it now because I think

it’s really important for people to

realize that life can still try and

throw you a curveball and then it’s how

you react to it so just give you a bit

of a back to do something I’m married

now and my wife is an incredible woman

you know sometimes I think there must be

a god because she’s great obviously like

me my wife both came from Berger

backgrounds she’s also got quite a story

of hope and transformation zone and

bhavish thing you come from a broken

back ground and that baggage doesn’t

just go away you know I mean they’re all

mindsets yes I’m a Christian now yes i

believe in christian principles and

morals but still I’m on a journey until

I see journey and you don’t just change

just is it a change that happens over

and so the Christian Way obviously we

don’t obviously try not to have sex

before marriage and that’s probably one

of the big Christian teachings and stuff

I know the sex is a sacred thing saved

for marriage and which for me was very

foreign to the way I used to think and

so obviously my wife struggled with that

a little bit anyway but we decided that

we was gonna wait until he’s married and

we believe highly in the sanctity of

marriage the marriage is an incredible

thing that it should be entered into

lightly and as opposed to our culture

today is that if something’s not working

if you had to throw it away start again

and we’re in a consumeristic culture so

once you’ve used something you just

throw it away if something’s not working

properly anymore you get rid of it get a

new one and I think sometimes that kind

of mentality especially in the 21st

century carries forward into our

relationships and so we’re not always I

don’t think you got to work on a

relationship it starts to go wrong we

just think let’s chop her out let’s get

a new model sort of thing and so for a

Christian to not have the whole sector

for marriage and then to get married and

to believe that we’re married in the

eyes of God that we’ve been brought

together because you know God wants the

very best for us and you have our very

high expectation of marriage and a high

view of marriage but as you can imagine

see people that don’t live together and

then they start to live together it

causes friction

yeah any two people coming together any

two people with two different life

styles and different ways of living

friction and so I don’t know if we had

an idealistic view of what life would be

like I think for me I’m away from the

first years of our marriage I suppose

we’ve struggled a little bit just with

the whole being different people coming

from broken backgrounds different

expectations and stuff I did the

beautiful thing of having such a high

view on the moment was that rather than

me thinking I’m gonna chop her and get a

new one it was like I’m gonna dig in

I’ve been through brokenness before I’ve

been through darkness before I’ve seen

how bad life from get you ain’t gonna

get that bad again and I’m gonna press

through and say you saw look at the

victories from the past and you sort of

rely on them for victories in the future

and so me my wife worked out our

differences in just a flatiron

we’re stronger now and more in love now

than we’d ever be if we hadn’t have gone

through what we went through I’ll be

honest mate sometimes you come humbly

were going on that woman she does

mulatto it and I’m sure if she was in

this room she’d say exactly the same

thing about me but I love it to bits man

and I think

without going through what we went

through we won’t have what we have now

and suppose yeah I loved that mayor I

think it’s remembering past victories to

believe that they’ll be present

victories written victories of the past

as a sword not because I want to

elaborate on that in a second but just

before that you were making me small

while you were saying that and I was

kind of so I put my vulnerability here

I’m a very emotional person so I kind of

get emotional when I hear stuff let up

because the way I view my wife and my

marriage is the same as you it’s it’s a

very very important thing for me I was a

bit of a dad back at Union I always made

a promise at the moment I get married I

will do everything in my power to be the

best man that I can be and I so often

see people who maybe stray or just do

just do things that I don’t necessarily

agree with so for me at man-to-man

hearing somebody who has that sense of

love and the way you look at your wife

may I hold my heart of team because it’s

important because behind every month

good man there’s a good woman and I’m

doing the stuff that I am fortunate to

do now I mean as we speak now and we

record this my wife’s at work bless her

and my aim is to get her out of work

very soon but if I couldn’t have done a

lot of the stuff I’ve done in my life if

it wasn’t for my wife and I’m very

grateful I love just hearing your

transformation because although you were

doing all those things in the past this

person this genuinely amazing person was

always in there and I’m just glad that

you managed to find it just to touch on

the victories of the past so what I find

that so powerful was because there’s a

guy called David Goggins I’m not sure if

you follow him but he’s somebody who I

follow quite quite a lot religiously

basically but he mentioned something

called a cookie jar and what he does is

all of these he calls it like a jar of

fuck what he does is every time he’s

been through shit in his life he puts it

into this imaginary jar of fuck right

and he calls it like the cookie jar and

then what happens is when he’s faced

with adversity in life he thinks back to

that Johnny’s at hold on a minute I’m

that same guy who’s been through all of

this and I can get visit and going

through now and I think you’ve you’ve

done it in your own way you’ve said the

victories of the past will help you

secure victories of the future which i

think is just as powerful lesson so may

it’s fantastic that I mean you don’t

even argue there guys and yet you’re

preaching the same stuff as this guy

who’s in millions which is why I say

everyone’s story matters because your

story matters and it’s gonna it’s gonna

inspire lots of people so

that’s fantastic man I wish you and your

wife all the best it’d be great to get

her on the show as well which means I’m

very interested yeah I’m sure she would

be yeah yeah yeah definitely I’ll put it

to anywhere she says definitely me

yeah she’s got great story I love it

mate I’m just gonna switch gears again

I’m just conscious obviously I’m the

running time as well so where you are

currently now in your life and I know

you from like a physical aspect in terms

of like your boxing and stuff and being

on the streets you’re not really afraid

of much or at least it doesn’t seem like

you’re afraid

but let me ask you the question right in

this moment right now what is your

biggest fear hmm okay

I mean so fear is also a vulnerable

thing because we put high value one on

faith I suppose the ante that would be

fearing it so the opposite of faith is

fear so fear for me would be that I’ve

been giving this incredibly beautiful

life and I make an absolute mess of it I

don’t use every single day to do all I

can to give back to the garden and to

the communities that have built so much

into me so my fear would be that I might

just make a mess of things you know I

love that

so it’s a great message and I’m

confident knowing where you are now I

wouldn’t have been confident secure to

go up I’m confident that you’ll do that

mate and you’ve got a good community

around you you’ve got mutual friends and

after this you know I consider you a

friend and if you ever need any help

from me by all these new reach I am more

than happy to sort it on my hand so on

the basis of that and obviously now you

found your calling and you just touch

that you want to make an impact or just

do the best you can basically would you

say that’s your main motivation or

inspiration that kind of keeps you keeps

you going every morning or isn’t

anything else other than your wife yeah

yeah there’s a couple of things I

suppose I suppose having a fear is

something to kind of drag you down or it

can propel you forward yeah so like fear

is faithful it’s believed in the

opposite to the lies that we sauce and

tell ourselves and for me a great source

of hope for the future and a drive is is

reading the Bible the Word of God and

there’s some things in there may you

read anything in there for 2,000 years

now and like so there’s a passion system

all things work together for good for

the good of those who love God and

that’s like everyone’s thought I’ve seen

people with tattoos if it says

everything happens for a reason it’s

something that was written in the Bible

2,000 years ago some of the stuff that’s

written in there about you know she’s

might be transformed by the renewal of

your mind think on things are above

think on things that are holy and good

and pure and just training your mind to

think positively to think the best of a

negative situation is so powerful so and

so yes but for me like in the morning

just haven’t you know 20 minutes half an

hour an hour even just reading that

crazy book that inspires you know

billions of people the world around it

that’s a real motivator for me and then

there’s those moments where you see

someone else they get it and the light

comes on absolutely and I’m in you can I

I now work from a Christian company we

work with kids that care system okay I

mean you think my life’s but these kids

might day something like child sexual

exploitation backgrounds and severe drug

abuses from young age all kinds of

domestic abuse and violence and stuff

like kids that have been rejected by

their families and their parents their

loan Society and they come through the

system and it’s basically teaching them

at the one end to tidy a bedroom and to

cook and clean and the other end to

function in society and to see them just

take little steps it’s beautiful and to

be involved in that kind of a process

it’s it’s beautiful to do that sort of

thing is great it’s good

yeah the motivator ultimately it’s

living not for yourself or for others

there’s a great power in buying into

yourself and when you know you no longer

need to let society think your your

written you’ve got it and you don’t need

to prove you accept yourself then you

can live for others and that’s beautiful

me Wow it is may may be may be

absolutely and you know I don’t discount

anything but I just worked so what

really hit me there was a you might not

know this but I’ve got siblings who have

been in the foster care so three my

siblings are white

Josh Coyle and Kelsey and they came

through the foster care system but then

we went through guardianship so they

basically

the family and my younger sister Illya

is adopted as well so that was one of

the reasons where why I personally went

into social it because I want you to be

the best damn social worker in the world

and change the world because the life we

have made is a million times better than

the life these kids have had in kill

yeah and for you to be doing such a

great thing now I’m just I’m so grateful

that one you found like however you

found it but two you’re also giving back

because you’re gonna be a massive

positive influence on these dude I love

it mate we’ve got a lot more in common

than I thought other than boxing yeah

what thing is I went into social work to

cut a long story short because I was the

breaking as a project manager in London

I was only more money than I knew what

to do it but there comes a time where

you need something more than money to

get you out of bed in the morning and it

was always I just want to help people

and I send my siblings go through so

much shit that I was like I’m gonna

change the world but then when I got

into social is the one thing that let me

down was there’s so much bureaucracy

that you can’t really change it that

much so what I’ve done is thought okay

let me use my presence and my brand and

my marketing and influences and let’s

try and change the world

holistic Lee so reaching out to people

like you you’ve got a community reaching

out to community centres and I’m trying

to make an impact where nobody say to me

oh you’ve got a gold do some paperwork

9205 I’m I’m doing this on my own and I

want to kind of change the world as key

shares that sounds my own way but I

can’t do it by myself which is why I

need people like yourselves and others

to share this you’ll really get together

so I love it mate and just on that note

the buzzer has gone off so this is the

part of the show where we get

interrupted we change the script we

change the pattern and we’re just going

to go into a quick five 60 seconds

Q&A if you’re ready yeah sounds good in

three two one

okay buddy the ability to fly or be

invisible or invisible for money or fame

[Music]

Netflix on YouTube YouTube Coke or Pepsi

oh would you rather know how you will

die or when you were dying when love or

money love summer or winter summer your

favorite place in the whole wide

right here and right now love it

would you rather speak all of the act

languages in the world will be able to

speak to animals all the languages if

you could abolish one thing in the world

what would it be darkness your favorite

song ever oh man Christmas is a

Christian song called how great how

great is our God not for me volumes read

minds or predict the future predict the

future okay okay but time is up so so

you work with money didn’t you at the

end rather than fame the money or fame I

think I went from money in the end

because yeah with money you can do so

much for other people I love it and I

think sometimes Fame can get in the way

Klein it because means is something that

drives parade and elegance for me person

you know something I have to check on a

lot absolutely I love it me I love it

okay so we’re gonna go back into the

interview style of the questions again

now like I said you keep taking the

words out of my mouth at the minute so

in relation to a reflection I always say

hindsight’s a wonderful thing and upon

reflecting we can always think of ways

where we can do things quicker or get to

a certain place earlier or easier but I

always say the journey teaches us a lot

as well and yeah it’s something that I

feel everything happens for a reason

which is kind of what you touch them on

so if you can go back to say one moment

in your life where maybe you were

struggling or you really found a turning

point and you could fast track all your

progress knowing exactly what you know

now what would that time be and what

would you actually say okay um I think

this is difficult is fun I think because

you said you put a lot of emphasis on

the journey already I think it’s the

journey that makes you who you are

and so I mean I think I had to go to

present I won’t want to not I’ve gone to

prison because I think that was such

crucial integral part of my journey to

experience what I experienced I wouldn’t

want to stop myself and go in there so I

don’t think I would be Who I am today

but I think it’s just something so it’s

impolite I mean we always look inward so

often and when we look in words when I

have people upset and his diet is broken

then we look out but everything else I

look so much better I think just looking

up just the words look up I love that I

mean personally I’ve obviously been a

man of faith I’d say just look up mm-hmm

but the journey they say it’s crew

it’s hard it is may it molds you into

the person that you are mice well I

suppose it’s more for the fact that the

reason I always ask this question is

because I wouldn’t change your journey I

wish you suffered less pain in your life

personally but at the same time I’m

grateful that you’ve been through your

journey and you come out the other side

because mate you’re gonna do amazing

things in the world and I truly believe

that but I just feel that if say for

instance there was another carbon copy

of yourself but we can just take away a

little bit of their pain maybe and a

little bit of their hardship if there

was something that we could necessarily

say for I take your own I take your

answer on board I think it’s fantastic

answer so thank you thank you so there’s

only really one more question that I

always like to ask my guests for the

listeners and that is basically if say

for instance in 150 years time we are no

longer about and you know here’s a book

on the table and this book is about you

so what would that book be called and

what would the blurb at the back of it

tell us about Ashley Nixon I stuffed me

that what would the book be Colin yeah

let’s go from the blimp cuz I’ve thrown

that in myself here from darkness to

light no matter how dark has been this

journey of darkness will turn to I don’t

know it’s hard to think of a blurb on it

because blows becoming like trying to

capture all of what we’ve said or

paragraph it’s I think no matter how

dark and how broken things can get there

is always a way out

and this story will show you the way out

will help you to be inspired to as well

I love it something along them lines I

don’t know I have to pee I love it I

love that and just thinking out loud

what I would call it just on this I

would call it that’s coming from

somebody who does it necessarily follow

God but I just think the lessons that

you just taught me today the lesson that

I live by anyway so it’s kind of you’re

saying stuff dumb like hold on a minute

is that in the Bible

really and that’s fascinating for me

like I’m always eager to learn more and

try and become a better person so I

appreciate you for that I just want to

end this now because I think it’s

important May and I know you’re not

always on social media selling your

story I always try and get people to

sell their stories rather than you know

having to see people who are selling

courses and

all that shit on social media I think

it’s more important people sell

themselves and they sell their true

story and what they can offer to the

world and I think you’ve got something

to offer so if there’s one place that

people can connect with you what would

be the best way that people can reach

out to you I suppose Facebook he’s the

one for me like I wasn’t always on

social media was always into that sort

of thing but I recognized it is a place

where people connect so powerfully so

you know I mean and people share so much

of themselves on there and so I’ve got a

Facebook account on mine avid post there

is a bit more of my story on there for

people to recap over if they want to as

well so yeah it suppose Facebook

definitely and I don’t mind people

saying formal questions the one okay

fantastic so for anyone listening please

do reach out it’s actually mixing on

Facebook I’ll put all the links and

everything in the show notes so you can

literally download it what I would just

say and again I’m not trying to add work

or anything it’s just the kind of

thought off the top of my head is you

could potentially and maybe this is

something in the future mate is maybe

start a community it could be called a

little company could be called whatever

you want to call it right and I think if

you can get people who may be Christians

may be believers or people that have

sinned such a dark place because I’ll

tell you something there’s there’s a

hell of a lot more people than just

yourself you have company this

transformation or or need this

transformation I feel that like you said

Facebook’s very powerful maybe think

somewhere you create this a nice safe

haven for people where they feel safe

and I just think you’ve got a great

message mate it’s been an absolute

pleasure speaking to you and yourselves

looting honestly it’s been brilliant I

love to get you back on the podcast

again maybe with your missus or your

missus on a separate one because I feel

like everyone’s got a story and I just

want to thank everyone for tuning in as

always thanks for listening and remember

this podcast is absolutely free so all

we ask in return is for you to share

this with a friend and drop us a 5-star

review over on iTunes

have an awesome day

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