Finding happiness after the death of your spouse part 1/2 #17

Finding happiness after the death of your spouse part 1/2 #17

Find your voice – Episode 17- “Wonderfulness of Life” – Louise Blyth #17 Part 1

Tagline: “Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul”

Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.

Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as “the greatest love all of us could ever know”

A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story’s narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.

Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.

I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.arendeu/podcast

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49

Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what’s

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so before I begin this

announcement I just want to say a

massive massive massive thank you to

every single one of you who have

listened to this show I also want to say

a massive thank you to anyone who has

previously listened to his show and left

a review because it’s your reviews that

I’ve helped us get into the news and not

worthy on iTunes now this is no small

feat this is actually an incredible

achievement and the more I research it

they’re more proud I actually feel but

more importantly I’m so proud of my

guests and I’m so grateful that they

were able to share their journey but I’m

also so happy to have such loyal

listeners like yourselves to really

support this movement and that’s exactly

what it is it’s a movement it’s about

trying to inspire people try and put a

positive beacon of light into the world

and really try and get everyone to live

their best life combat their excuses and

really change their perception and

mindset so without rambling on too much

we have a really really exciting

two-part episode coming up for you now

now this is actually our first ever

two-part episode and conscious of your

time which is obviously our biggest and

most important commodity I’m gonna jump

straight into this one okay so I just

want to start by thanking Louise for her

time and coming onto the show today to

share her story which I’m sure you’re

all gonna find absolutely inspirational

so Louise how are you doing today

I’m good thank you I’m good fantastic

fantastic so I just want to say thank

you I appreciate you and I’m really

looking forward to this one so this was

actually a recommendation from somebody

else you may have

one heard previously on a podcast it’s

episode number fourteen and it’s my bet

daily Rylan it’s something that I urge

all of you to check out because it was

actually within the first four hours it

got the most number of listen

straightaway so it’s a great hit and I’d

recommend you all going back to that

however moving on now we have another

fantastic guest in Lewis so Louise I

think it’s really important for the

listeners to understand your story and

understand a little bit about yourself

as well if you if you wouldn’t mind if

you could just kind of give us an

insight into yourself a little bit about

your journey and what basically brings

you here today yeah no worries so and if

I’m completely honest I never thought

three even four years ago that I would

be someone that would be sat being

interviewed on a podcast talking about

the subject that I’m going to bring to

the table today which is loss

bereavement and life after living

through sort of that kind of trauma so

so my story is from nottingham from

robin hood that’s where i kind of grow

up grew up and spent my childhood had a

fantastic childhood my parents really

sort of put myself over the first I was

kind of one of those people at school

that was not really super cool but also

I hope not too much of a mega geek and

you know you did did the normal stuff

kind of growing up going into nightclubs

probably too young being carried out of

nightclubs after having drink too much

so my friends before say probably too

young and went away to university at 18

where I studied French and actually

lived abroad for a year when I was 19

which was quite young and that was I

suppose my first experience if I’m being

brutally honest of life if that makes

sense so in terms of really realizing

things around loneliness relationships

being able to kind of go it alone and do

things for yourself because essentially

when you’re on your own in a foreign

country you have no one else to rely on

other than yourself and I and so that

was that was really really kind of big

experience in my life and graduated in

in 2006 probably like many so you really

expect it about what life had to offer

me and had one of these huge plans

around what I thought I was gonna be and

what car is thought I was gonna drive

and what house I wanted to have hadn’t

met kind of anyone special at that point

there’s been a few a few boys but no one

who’d kind of really made me sort of sit

up and take notice and in 2006 I was

accepted on to a training scheme a

graduate training scheme and that was

kind of a supposed to start of where my

life really really started to change so

I I started there in September and on my

first day in fact before my my first day

on the induction day I met George who I

would fall in love with and marry so we

were part of a group of about 30 people

he will join together and we had a great

time it was like being at university you

know me we were there training together

living together all became really really

great friends but he was the guy that

kind of more than anyone else you know

was not never first I on any level I you

know I remember thinking oh my gosh this

guy’s so confident you know he’s really

sort of sure of himself but we just

became really great friends and we used

to would talk all the time and then it

was that that Christmas so this is the

September when we started our job and it

was that Christmas when we actually kind

of had our first kiss so he’d he’d

really really raison he said when he

first were in the business oh well I’m

gonna be I’m gonna be in Edinburgh so

I’m gonna have a hub burn a party and

we’re all gonna come to Edinburgh and

have this holiday party and I remember

thinking oh my god who is this guy like

they’re so confident

so anyway true to his words you know

four months later there we all were sort

of twenty or so others at his flat in in

Edinburgh and that’s kind of where

George and I had our first kiss

New Year’s 2006 2007 and after that you

know my life my life changed in an

instant I know for people that are

listening that of maybe you know you’ve

met someone that they know that they

won’t spend the rest of their life with

when you meet that special person you

know really it is everything that you’ve

ever hoped for it is kind of like the

movies and the songs

and it’s it’s truly beautiful it’s a

really amazing experience and we knew we

knew from the outset that we had

something special I think that often you

do you know it was more than just a

friendship it was a kind of deep

respectful sort of love it was it was it

was powerful you know and so we kind of

went on living our lives together you

know as what happens when you meet the

person that you want to spend your life

with you know you stop being you stop

being as our lives became more and more

intertwined so we we lived apart we

lived together

we vented together we bought a house

together his kind of his career went

from kind of great amazing as he kind of

charged through the ranks from corporate

perspective we were engaged in 2010 we

were married in 2011

I felt pregnant we had off this baby

quite quickly which was just a huge

blessing and we it gave birth to of this

son in 2013 so for all intents and

purposes we were the couple that that

had it all we were probably the people

and I hugely recognize this that people

look to in kind of discipline oh how

they got this you know like they’ve

they’ve met young they’ve both got good

jobs they’re doing really well hopefully

they thought we were nice people you

know we had we had a nice house we drove

nice cars we had a you know we had we

decided we wanted to have a baby and it

just was easy we got pregnant and I had

no problems with my pregnancy so you

know we were on to a good thing life was

life was really really great and then we

decided to have another baby and I got

pregnant very easily again and shortly

after office and was born we moved house

so we relocated back to Nottingham sure

because by this point we’re living down

south because that’s like the street sir

I paid gold and then whilst I was

pregnant with our second son George just

had this overwhelming feeling which I

can come back to and talk about some

more and as we kept kind of maybe deeper

into the interview there that we had to

move that we had to move back to my

hometown and

um so we we bought a house when I was

six months pregnant and moved after our

son was just born to me with an 8 week

old baby at that time that’s when George

started to be presenting with symptoms

that just weren’t you know wasn’t well

and we couldn’t get to the bottom of it

he was wrong he constantly had a cold he

was always tired

he was really rundown he had low really

really low energy levels and because of

the stage and the circumstance of our

life in that we had two incredibly young

children Zoey at this point you know we

had a three-month-old baby and a

two-year-old son and you know just

Newhouse

George was commuting to London from our

house and Notting Michelle it is a big

commute you know said not you know not

for the faint-hearted

we just continually put it down to the

fact that this is what life is in your

season and you know you try and have

yeah we’re rundown you know this is

having kids everyone whinges about the

tiredness and the exhaustion which is a

you know it’s part of the territory of

you know you don’t live with your

children but it just didn’t sort of seem

to get better and there was this

continual niggle that was there and

essentially basically we pursued it and

to cut a long story short of how we

actually came to this conclusion we

decided to send George for a colonoscopy

which is a process where you basically

have a camera put up your bottom it’s

not that unpleasant so he went off and

had this procedure and I mean this is

what our life was like at this point in

time our and so he decided to have this

procedure in London because he remember

him saying to me

you know I’m so busy at work what I can

do is I can go to work and then I can do

this after work and I can come back and

I can still behave at that time we

genuinely didn’t think that there was a

big you know big big reason to be

concerned all of the health care

professionals had said to us there’s not

a reason to be worried he’s so young

he’s 33 it’s definitely not gonna be

bowel cancer and basically that day that

you had the colonoscopy which was the

the 9th of December 2015

he called me I was at home literally

kind of quite literally walking around

the Christmas tree and my little boy

answer and with a little Senate nurse we

putting all my fairy lights out thinking

wow you know life’s amazing this is gray

and he called me and that phone call was

the moment that just shattered my life

because having your husband ringing and

say the words I’ve got cancer ah it was

just it felt like a time-space continuum

and I yeah it was just hideous and I

remember saying to him oh my god she

can’t know this already how do you know

like it can’t be which was actually the

route that I went domine when he told us

was exactly the route that all of our

friends went down afterwards when we

actually had to then tell them the news

which was just as difficult as him

having to tell me and I know now that

that’s the kind of psychological

response in terms of you know plausible

denial you want to commercialise with

what you’re hearing and you want somehow

to be like this isn’t true this this

can’t be the case this isn’t us you know

do you not know who we are today and I

remember you know being on the phone

with George and crying and him saying to

me it’s fine like he’d managed to have

the force I mean this is the kind of

incredible guy he was he’d had the

foresight to call my parents tell my

parents what happened before he ran me

so he could say to me after he told me

I’ve got cancer your mum and dad are on

the way

your mum doubt of coming over and

they’re gonna be here any minute and

they’re gonna be they’re gonna be here

they’re gonna scoop you up and I’m on my

way back from London it was just so so

so kind and so thoughtful which was just

who he was to his core

so that was December 2015 and our lives

in that instant you know I often joked

with people and say I sing the song from

Fresh Prince of bel-air oh it’s probably

shows the kind of generation that I am

it was you know this Oriole upside down

because in that instant it was my life

was flipped turned upside down and yeah

it was just everything that we knew

about our life was thrown thrown on the

floor but then that you know that wasn’t

the end that was the beginning of a new

life and a new existence which went on

for 11 months

so we then lived in a season of stage

four bowel cancer so when George was

diagnosed he had metastatic bowel cancer

which is base

we can circle of lingo for the fact that

the cancers bad and it spreads to

different parts of your body and in

George’s case it spread to his liver

which is not good news obviously it’s

one of our major organs that you need to

function so George then lived through I

think it was eight rounds of

chemotherapy followed by six weeks of

really intense radiotherapy followed by

a season of kind of watch wait let’s see

where this where these horrible cells

kind of come back then he did a huge

huge surgery in the summer which is

something called the liver resection

which is essentially where you get

chopped open and all of your liver

there’s got cancer and chopped out which

is kind of just the most epic surgery

you can imagine before he did that he

cycled around London and raised a lot of

money for bowel cancer UK and then he

said I remember him saying to his

oncologist you know just before he had

this liver surgery I’m gonna I’m gonna

do more bike riding and then this sort

of all looking at him like he was

completely mental eight weeks to the day

after he’d had his liver resection he

cycled from London to Paris released

more funds for Bar Council UK and then

shortly after returning home from that

boat ride he started complaining again

feeling unwell and we you know we

genuinely thought that we were on the

sort of positive track with this disease

and literally eight weeks the day after

he’d stood in front of the eiffel tower

you know holding his bike you know in

this kind of really momentous epic

photograph that I’ve got of him he was

dead so he he went downhill incredibly

quickly and peacefully passed away on

the 18th of November 2016 so I was 33

and I had a three year old and a ten

year olds and yes it was incredibly

incredibly hard yet was incredibly

beautiful and a moment of glory that I

never expected at the moment of his

passing so I suppose that was a real

game-changing moment when he died which

was just absolutely beautiful and

there’s no other word to describe it

which is I suppose why my story’s a bit

different because I think probably most

people are going to be expecting me to

say and then it was him

yes and then it was all for and I love

this season of grief and and it has been

and it was all of those things but it

was equally really beautiful because of

their the way in which George died and

what happened to all of this at the

moment of his death which I’m sort of

really excited to talk some more with

you about say and just stunned that last

bit and which we will touch on just in a

few moments time I can tell that you

were going to have that response just

from the way you were explaining your

journey and everything that you’ve been

through so but when I think of concern

what it’s done to my family it becomes a

more of an emotional thing and it’s

quite like even when you talk about it

like demeanor and everything changes

when you say you can see that you’ve

actually found the silver lining in this

in this journey that you’ve had to take

and I just find that incredible so I’m

looking forward to hearing just a bit

more about that have balls and know

about how it was one not only incredibly

hard but also incredibly beautiful I

mean I’m taking notes here because I

don’t want to miss anything and I’m sure

listeners I probably think ask her this

ask her this because it’s so fascinating

because what you’ve literally described

is a fairy tale story and it’s kind of a

story that I suppose when we grow up

there’s there’s a thing and I was I was

doing a speech recently and I was saying

how you know how we go to school and

yeah you get your results and then you

go to secondary school then you have the

I love is then you go to university then

you get married and you have kids and

then you retire at 65 it’s almost like

somewhere in a in our subconscious I

suppose we reprogram to believe we’re

just going to lift or 65 when

everything’s just gonna fall in place

and then what happens it comes in boom

it hits you how is he so hard yeah

that’s why people struggle and I just

think yeah it’s a I’m grateful that

you’re sharing this story because it

would just wake people up yeah I’m very

fortunate that nothing like that has

happened to my wife or myself at this

moment but I do try and live as if that

could happen tomorrow oh yeah it would

that the nightmares that could

potentially happen so oh you mentioned

that you’ve been travelling for a year

as well not obviously generate so where

did you travel so I didn’t travel so I

lived I mean sorry you lived you live

yeah yeah yeah and I said friendship

University and I lived in fret in France

I actually lived I need to be honest I’d

love to go back now as a 35 year old and

do I did then I lived in the noir

Weinberg

which at the time as a 19 year old he

basically like drinking wkt blue it was

completely lost of me as like a kind of

cultural experience but it was part it

was part of my my studies in terms of

what I had to do to kind of learn the

language but yeah that was that was

interesting and it’s been really

fascinating actually as I’ve taken some

time particularly this last year because

I’ve been taking some time out of work

to actually I’m writing a novel actually

so I’m writing the story of what what

happened to is in that in detail because

I’m really mindful that to try and relay

it in you know an hour even in two hours

it doesn’t do it justice which is why

I’m writing the story of exactly you

know all of the twists and turns and the

beauty of what unfolded but essentially

you know I’ve really realized that that

experience that I had in France was

really formative and actually was

equipping me with skills that I would

need kind of in the moment of George’s

death and it was also interesting in

that some of the corporate experiences

that I’d had as well so often you know

people always saying it’s very cliche

isn’t it you know when you’re having a

difficult time people often say stuff to

you like you know this all happens for a

reason or you know it’s in difficulty

where you learn and you know what I

hugely believe in both of those points

but actually when you’re in that

hardship and you’re in that season of

struggle and people say that to you if

I’m being brutally honest sometimes it

feels like a slap in the face because

you just you just feel kind of like well

you don’t know what is to be in the

situation I’m in and how do you know

that I’ve been positioned for such a

time as this but I think you have to I

think you have to come to that

conclusion yourself I don’t think other

people can kind of impart that wisdom

into you and it’s taken me to live

through the experience of my husband’s

cancer and his death to wake up to life

does that make sense

and I now look at all of these

experiences that I’ve had the good and

the bad and go wow like I was being like

trained I was being because I was

positioned into that set of

circumstances the reason why that

happened was to serve me later and when

you start to reflect that in that way

you often see that you’ve done that you

did do some really great learning in me

seasons of struggle and they and they

have served to make you a more full kind

of person that can then cope and be more

resilient in times that will be even

tougher may be that you face in the

future say yeah this interesting I just

love that I just love your perspective

on things and I think because I believe

everyone gets these potential lessons

and I call it potential lessons because

yeah it’s what they take from it really

and yes that you mentioned resilience as

well and yeah I I’ve had

I mean I’m day two you know and I feel

like I’ve had some ups and downs as well

in my life which I’m sure every single

person has yeah the grass is never

greener on the other side yeah

absolutely yeah I mean that’s one of the

reasons for this podcast but I’m

grateful now especially in hindsight of

all the adversity and everything that

I’ve been through because now when

something trivial happens say for

instance in my day job or you got a flat

tire or something that would normally I

suppose dress me out five six years ago

yeah yeah it just doesn’t faze me

because in the grand scheme of things do

you know what I mean you you snot

absolutely 100% yeah I’m interested in

this novel Azure which i think is gonna

be fantastic because like you said we

can’t touch on everything within this

short amount of time but I think just

from listening to the opening 15-20

minutes people are going to be very

interested in hearing more about this

myself included and I think you’re not

alone in what you’ve experienced but I’m

sure that you’re very unique in terms of

how you’ve change your perspective and I

think if you can hopefully help other

people who have maybe been through a

similar situation to maybe look at it in

the way that you said so I want to go

back to that bit where you mentioned how

incredibly hard it was oh but then also

incredibly beautiful if you yeah yeah so

let’s talk about the hardship and the

struggle first I think you have you see

that fully fully understand that then

understand the beauty if that makes

sense you have to source it in the

darkness to feel to feel the light which

sounds quite cheesy but I think it’s you

know that’s kind of essentially the the

heart of this story and you know that

moment that if we go back to the moment

that I described to you earlier when you

know George was diagnosed with cancer it

was hideous

and I often say to people actually that

is when my life changed and that is when

I started to grieve

because that was the moment that our

lives changed forever at that point we

were obviously still hoping there George

was gonna live to tell the tale

but even if he had lived to tell the

tale he would have been living to tell

the tale with the with the scar of

cancer and I think this is the part of

cancer that is so widely misunderstood

people want to treat it like a disease

there is a heart problem or an

orthopedic problem which is you know you

go to the hospital you have some

medicine and you get better and your

life’s all okay again and actually the

reality of cancer at any stage that you

get it is that it alters the check that

your mindset and the course of your life

forever because it fundamentally makes

you realize your own mortality in a way

that you’ve never had to realize it

before and it also therefore because of

that makes you live your life very

differently it makes you live your life

in fear it also makes you live your life

with joy because you appreciate and have

such a broader perspective for the

amazing and wonderful variety of what

you see in everyday life because it is

you know that is where you live and in

in the everyday not in the holiday that

you’ve got planning for six months time

or the night out that you’re really

looking forward to a couple of weeks and

and cancer really has a way of sort of

shifting your perspective and I think I

think this shift of perspective is

universal but obviously I think from my

own experience is not fertile for anyone

else he’s impacted by this disease but

what’s interesting is you know once you

kind of take some time to let the news

settle which you have to do and you get

news that big you know I remember for

George and I we had the classic

fight-or-flight response and we actually

chose flight so we ran away essentially

to the yorkshire dales which was where

George’s mother lived and basically

spent sort of two or three days almost

in hiding trying to figure out what we

were gonna do so yeah we we ran away to

the oxidase and there we sort of like

tried to look at the situation

pragmatically so both of this had sort

of a spaceman entrained in the corporate

world because of the circumstances in

which we

which was on this kind of management

training scheme unit we’d both been

through quite vigorous corporate

training so we’ve done all of the you

know separate the people from the

problem how do you make a decision all

of that kind of stuff and actually we

kind of said you know what we’ve got to

kind of implement some of these skills

that we’ve been taught in terms of

facing this this beast that is cancer

and that and that’s kind of what we

chose to do so when we actually sort of

approached it as if it was almost a

corporate problem and and I and I feel

like I’m I’m I’m even laughing as I say

this because it because essentially this

is what we had to do we had to look at

it as not a black dark disease that was

gonna claim our life we had to look at

it as a unwanted guest that maybe moved

into our house which is how it fell and

then it was kind of like what what we’re

gonna do in this and once a guest

how are we gonna how are we gonna make

you feel part of the family and then we

don’t really want them to be here but

accept the fact that they are gonna

probably eat our table now for the

foreseeable future and we can’t make

them leave they’re only gonna go when

they want to you know so we we looked at

you know what we could do and one of the

first things actually that we did was

and it was George’s this is all

different by George not by me was he

sort of said well I’m not having cancer

and I remember saying to him what are

you talking about you know you’ve got

cancer like we can’t we can’t get rid of

it just like that and say no what I mean

is I’m not I’m not calling it cancer I’m

not I’m not going to be named as having

cancer because there’s a lot in the name

I mean there’s even a you know there’s

the beautiful Shakespeare quote of you

know if Rose has anything else you know

I can’t I can’t remember it and the

baton but it’s about you know if it was

caught if it was still called over but

it was cannot call the rose but it still

smells so sweet and that same that same

thinking and that same mindset is so

true cancer because the problem is is

you say cancer to people and people

think death because people are so scared

of death and actually the reality these

days is one and two people will get

cancer and also lots of people have

cancer and go on to live really

beautiful long lives also have cancer

and live really successfully with cancer

for a good number of years

but we all have this fear you know it’s

essentially the Millennial tuberculosis

that you get cancer and it’s literally

like then the Grim Reaper is their door

yeah so George George said to me from

the from the outset I don’t want cancer

I’m not gonna have cancer I’m gonna have

a project name so we we we were sort of

like I was like okay so it was it was

like a awesome cheesy episode of The

Apprentice we were driving north and he

we were there thinking of names and

every name I came up with which I can’t

remember any of the names I actually

came up with he he was beating of

dallying no that’s awful that’s that’s

horrendous I kind of thought I can’t

have this then he said out of nowhere

Invictus what about Invictus and

honestly when he said that name it was

literally like a thunderclap in the car

it was amazing like it shot waves

through my heart and I was like that’s

amazing I was like why do we both know

this name a week googled it and we’re

like oh it’s an aftershave and then we

would you know laughing joking which

again is another you know like that is a

real great way of building resilience so

it sounds so awful and crude to say but

to try and find the fun and the smiles

and the everyday humor in amongst you

know this car crash that is your life is

so important because you’re still

yourself when you still find the same

things funny and you like eating the

same sweets and the same places even

though you’ve got cancer

I remember we’re in fits of laughter be

kind of like you know why on earth have

you chosen an aftershave advert this is

just really cheesy but then when we went

further into it we found out that

actually the original naming conventions

are coming from this amazing poet and by

Ernest Hemingway which actually I now

having a frame on my wall at home and

the line the closeout line of the poem

is this really sort of like thunderous

clothes which basically says I’m the

captain of my fate and I am the master

of my soul and those words we were just

like they were literally like boom to

our hearts we were like yes okay this is

it now we we are not having cancer so

we’re having sort of project and victors

and that was the start of is I

suppose time to refrain what was

happening to is but that also didn’t

mean that what was happening to us

wasn’t horrible you know like there’s

lots of cancer there is hideous there is

absolute sleep deprivation because

you’re so anxious about everything that

you you go to bed and you can’t sleep

and you’re wide awake you wide awake

there’s there’s an easier because of

that because you’re so exhausted you’re

and you’re trying to keep the show on

the road

you can’t remember sometimes the most

simplest of things there’s the the huge

impact that it has on your daily life I

mean essentially I was still on

maternity leave you know we had an eight

month old baby so I was supposed to be

the one that was being looked after

because I was up at night you know still

with a baby that didn’t really know you

know day from night if I’m being

brutally honest yeah and you know then I

had to switch roles into this person

that wasn’t just caring for a

two-year-old and a eight month old it

was also caring for a guy he was there

two three who had cancer which for him

was just as difficult as it was for me

because he was the the dad he was the

father figure of the family he wanted to

be able to provide and support his wife

at his children and the reality of the

cancer treatment that he had was there I

mean he had really really top-drawer

chemo which was like I remember them

saying the hospital is it’s pretty much

like we’re putting bleach in your veins

and he had it every 11 days so he didn’t

have much downtime between treatment you

know he’d go on it he’d go on his go and

have his infusion and actually he then

had to come home with a with a bottle

attached to him which is a type of

chemotherapy that lots of bowel cancer

patients if anyone who’s had bowel

cancer is listening will be familiar

with and you then basically take the

pump it’s called a pump home with you

for three days so that was you know that

was a man mindful in itself because we

had to explain to our kids what was

going on that they couldn’t jump on

daddy and it wasn’t ever that we kept

anything secret from our children but

you know our oldest child was two years

old you know how do you explain to a 2

year old dad daddy’s got cancer that

he’s got this medicine on him I mean

actually and that is what we explained

to him and we had to explain what the

words meant to him but you know they

don’t

at that age they don’t understand what

it means they it means nothing to them

you know for all intensive purposes for

them it was like daddy had a bottle of

Cal Poly attached to him you know they

didn’t get the severity of it and it was

really tough and it brought up a lot of

stuff for me around you know what do I

do in terms of work so obviously I was

off work on maternity leave I actually

went back to work because I felt so much

pressure because I was thinking you know

I don’t we’d have no idea how long this

cancer journeys gonna go on for and even

though both of our employers were just

the most supportive employers B could

have ever asked for

you always have that niggle in the back

of your head that actually if this goes

on for six years seven years are they

still going to be this supportive and

list understand a and I remember saying

to George you know I’ve got to go back

to work George because we might be in a

position where we’re only rely you know

we’re relying upon my salary and you

know you can’t work which he never

really wanted to face into so I went

back to work and even when I talk about

it now I genuinely don’t know how I did

it I went back to work with a

one-year-old just three year old and a

husband with cancer and was kind of

doing my job as well as commuting to

London and you know running a house you

know it was absolutely exhausting and

exhausting in a way that makes your soul

eight you know it wasn’t just it wasn’t

just sort of tired of the way that

people say I’m tired you know it was

exhausting and it was the relentless

sort of tsunami of it all because the

way that cancer works is you kind of it

is it’s a long boil disease you know it

isn’t a disease there you know it goes

it doesn’t go away like an orthopaedic

you know injury like I said previously

and it and it’s it’s always there

simmering in the background and every

now and again you get these huge waves

that crash over you and they sometimes

absolutely come out of nowhere and it’s

about then how you how you protect

yourself and what you what you do – I

suppose build that resilience and that’s

what we learn in that 11 months

essentially initially it was like we

were all at sea we have no idea what the

hell we were doing and gradually as the

year

went on we built that resilience muscle

and we learned the techniques around

what is it that’s gonna help us and we

knew that there were certain things that

for us as a family he with the things

that work but that took some time to

figure out it wasn’t like the next day

after George I can’t sir we went yeah

this is this is what we have to do this

trick is it yeah

no no so it was so hard it was so so

hard so hard yeah

firstly what a wonderful person he

sounds like and I just in your

relationship the way you were just

feeding a feature then you had this

whole story behind Invictus Sol Invictus

for me initially yeah Paco Rabanne it’s

the which is what I remembered but also

there’s a film money as well yes and

it’s happened to feed on conquerable so

Wow

yeah you actually said it in this moment

that’s what I was feeling and I was

getting almost goose thinking yeah

that’s it how you guys have done it and

it just shows the power of like the

human will and the importance that words

because just by changing that name

you’re not you’re not necessarily saying

to listeners here listen let’s brush

cancer under the copy and pretend it’s

not here what you’re saying is okay we

acknowledge it’s here and some days

we’re facing it but we’re gonna just

face it in a more positive way to help

us move forward and I think that’s

really really yeah the way you’ve done

that and in terms of exhausting I mean

we all sit here myself included and

we’ll have a 14 hour day or a 12 hour

day we’ve been asked to do some overtime

and we feel you know what I’m tired I’m

tired and here you are with no actual

choice with your back against the wall

just showing how powerful the human mind

and body in sync how much we’re actually

capable of doing and that also goes sexy

when you mentioned George who did that

running I mean who in their right mind

if you think about it from a logical

perspective things after being chopped

up I’m go go go raise money wait you

know you know what there are what I

would say is I follow some really

inspirational people on Instagram and

particularly love the the three women

and who created the you me Big C podcast

and Rachel blance or sadly passed away

in September last year and I follow I

follow the girls actually that do that

show on Instagram and they ones a cancer

survivor one one is living with stage

four cancer

they are always out exercising and

actually what I would say is it hey

for you to realize that your body is

fragile and that you have to look after

it to want to look after it sometimes

and actually the irony is is that George

actually was a fitness fanatic even

before he had cancer so he was on these

people that would go to gym gym and I

would always be like what are you doing

but I had to say since he has had cancer

and obviously lost his life to cancer

it’s made me go as well you know your

body is so precious you have to look

after it you have to be mindful of what

you’re putting in it in the way in which

you’re using it in the way in which

you’re nurturing it because it’s it’s

precious to you and it’s your only

rocket ship you’re not going to get

another one so you have to look after it

and I think incredibly there is this

mindset amongst the cancer community of

I am gonna do the stuff that like you

know that we run a 5k or run a marathon

because almost as well you know everyone

knows the healing benefits of fitness

it’s it’s proven right so there is this

mindset of just you know well I am what

I want to do this mentally even more

than I’ve ever wanted to do it so I do

you think it’s crazy but I also think

you know not taking anything away from

George because it was incredible what he

did but I also think you’ll find that

there are lots of people who are

impacted by cancer that also have that

absolute mindset of no I’m gonna go for

it I’m gonna raise this money I’m gonna

go and do this and I think you’re right

and I think but this is kind of what I

want this podcast to do is not let

somebody have to suffer with cancer see

somebody also for with cancer to really

understand what they’re actually capable

of because we’re so much we’re living

just in the comfort zone all the time

and health and fitness is one of my

biggest passions so yeah I’ve always

been into it but then when I went to

university was it was more about vodka

commands and hangovers sure yeah it was

that kind of stuff for generally

speaking up when I was about 25 I think

that’s when cancer came into into my

family only affected my own cause yeah

and one of the things I started doing

then was really taking my health and

fitness seriously so I blogged on

personal training since then I’ve

trained over like three 400 clients and

I always know my analogy is I know the

circumstances for instance similar to

Georgia where you can be healthy you can

be doing

right and then it’s just not meant to be

I can just come for what I always try

and do is just put the odds in my favor

and I always tell all my clients just

put the odds in your favor you know when

you lift some weights or you do any sort

of CV exercise cardiovascular you’re

you’re you’re reducing the chances of of

illness and that’s kind of what I do so

every single morning without fail and

unless some literally on my deathbed

sorry or I’m traveling I’m training and

I don’t have to enjoy it but for me you

know it’s 4% on my day just after

yourself and you touched on something

there by what you put into yourself and

I think it’s important for the listeners

just to know it’s not just physical

consumption like food and water it’s

also what you say in your monitor yeah

absolutely

so the project Invictus that kind of

stuff is it’s empowering and if you can

just so I just think there’s this I

could talk about what you said now for

another five hours because I’m sure

people are going to pick up on thank you

thank you for sharing all of that what I

need to move it forward just slightly

otherwise we’ll have a six hour podcast

but what definitely can get you back on

so nice obviously change quite quite

significantly now yeah yeah and it’s

something that you obviously you’re

never prepared for what is a day like

for yourself now and what I want to ask

more in particular is obviously life’s

taught you so much so quickly

already are there certain habits or

traits that you maybe do on a daily

basis that you think people listening

could potentially benefit from yes so I

mean the part of the story that haven’t

got into and maybe isn’t one for the

dates move maybe at halftime is the what

actually happened when George died which

in which I suppose was the absolute

beautiful firework finale to this whole

year so if you imagine this 11 months

when George had cancer was like us it

was a slowly learning how to overcome

adversity and build resilience in a way

that I’d never had see before and then

when we realized that you know the end

was nigh when he was told there was

nothing that they could do and he was

going to die but we

you know how long it was going to be and

what that what may or may not look like

and how painful it may be and all those

other things that was the moment where

if I’m really honest and being really

really vulnerable

I hit absolutely rock bottom because I

kind of when I don’t know what to do now

you know like all of this other stuff

that we’ve taught ourselves this far in

terms of you know finding three things

every day to be thankful for doing

exercise you know renaming things to

make them feel more palatable you know

eating well to make sure we’re we know

we’re making our bodies feel as great as

we can sleeping where we can in amongst

near the chaos of TV and children all of

those things that other sort of things

if you pick up any book on on resilience

and how to and how to kind of you know

build and and and work that muscle they

just didn’t work and I I remember just

thinking oh my gosh like what what do I

do and it was it was awful and it meant

that we were both in a really

emotionally low state which as I’m sure

again lots of people will identify with

when you’re in that place what happens

is you lash out or the people that you

love the most

so we’re in this hideous set of

circumstances which was you know we knew

that George was gonna die and we had

what was probably the biggest row I

think we ever had of our whole marriage

our whole relationship because I was

really angry at him and actually you

know what I was actually angry about him

what I thought I was angry about him was

not what I was angry about at him at all

I was actually angry at him because he

was dying and that’s what I now realize

with hindsight you know I was at I was

angry about him about something that

he’d said to us mom or not said to his

mom but that wasn’t you know and I’ve

gone back and rabbit reaction man that

wasn’t the reason the reason I’m so

crossed with him was because I was angry

that he was leaving me that he was gonna

die that he was not going to be here to

bring up my kids that I was gonna have

to do life on my own in a way that I’ve

never ever expected to and that night I

went out I literally ran out of the

house into my car it sounds Hollywood

dramatic and it actually was a little

bit that way and I got in my car and I

drove it was dog

evening it was raining and I didn’t know

what to do and I just felt lost really

really lost and in that moment I

remember thinking in my head where am I

gonna go who do what who should go and

see if it goes to my mom and dad I could

go see like my aunty best friends who’s

the person that I need that who do I

need and I was I was sort of trying all

these people in my head to see if they

fitted with it the way I thought in my

heart and none of them felt that they

worked and actually at that point in

time was seeing a psychologist and I

thought do I bring her like do I go see

her I couldn’t even bring myself to go

see my psychologist he was the person

that really you know I employed to sort

of be the person I could take all these

things to so I decided it in that moment

that I needed to go to a church and then

I was kind of like right really go to a

church and if I’m honest again I think

it was rooted in some level of utopian

memory that I’ve got from childhood

probably movies like home alone where

Kevin goes to church and yeah has that

like magical moment when he’s missing

his mummy you know I was right I’m gonna

go to church and tried that and to go to

a church on this like rainy October

evening at about I think it must have

been about five o’clock everywhere I was

locked her and I was so angry oran I

can’t tell you how angry I am

I was literally raging so I remember I

pulled my car over on a hard shoulder

and I and I said at least she got out my

car and I screamed and at this point in

time I was not a person of faith so

there is a purpose behind me telling you

the story and so I pulled over my car

and I literally got out of my car it was

raining I was screaming and I literally

it was like I was boxer in a ring that I

was a mad okay and I literally screamed

at the universe if you are real if you

are real you have to bleep bleep bleep

bleep show me there was a lot of swear

words yeah I was crying I was crying so

much you know I couldn’t even really

speak I was coughing

it was awful I got back in my car and

George text me two words that just said

come home and then I just wrote back

okay he wrote back I’m not planning or

dying anytime

Sene and i just hysterically burst into

tears and went home now that that moment

was a absolute another kind of

life-altering moment but it wasn’t

life-altering in that exact moment if

that makes sense because then what

unfolded in this or three weeks

following on from me going out and

having this moment where I went for it

and said to God you know you are real

it’s now or never because I don’t know

where else to turn it and God had never

been someone a force and an energy that

I had ever looked to previously but I

was I felt like I had nothing left in my

cup I had no place else to go

he was the only viable option left for

me to go to and what then happened and

what unfolded around George’s death

which we maybe don’t have the time to

discuss today was just supernaturally

unbelievably beautiful he died the most

glorified beautiful miraculous death

that was completely driven by sort of

the Holy Spirit just moving in and

taking residence in his room okay people

I’m just gonna play the out role now for

this part of the show but the next

episode should be available straight

away on your feed whether you using iOS

or Android and I hope you enjoy this

just as much as you’ve enjoyed this

first part of this incredible story from

Louise I know the next part certainly

gave me goosebumps especially when she

spoke about the supernatural stuff that

she experienced and I hope you enjoy it

too and once again thank you for all

your support and if you do get a chance

to leave this interview at the end of

the show I’d certainly appreciate it

thank you so much and remember this

podcast is absolutely free so all we ask

in return is for you to share this with

a friend and drop us a five star review

over on iTunes have an awesome day

Leave a Comment

Finding happiness after the death of your spouse part 1/2 #17

Find your voice – Episode 17- “Wonderfulness of Life” – Louise Blyth #17 Part 1

Tagline: “Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul”

Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.

Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as “the greatest love all of us could ever know”

A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story’s narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.

Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.

I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.arendeu/podcast

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Website: https://www.thewonderfulnessoflife.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-blyth-207a7a49

Instagram: https://instagram.com/wonderfulness_of_life

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/louise.Blyth83

Have an awesome day

#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what’s

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so before I begin this

announcement I just want to say a

massive massive massive thank you to

every single one of you who have

listened to this show I also want to say

a massive thank you to anyone who has

previously listened to his show and left

a review because it’s your reviews that

I’ve helped us get into the news and not

worthy on iTunes now this is no small

feat this is actually an incredible

achievement and the more I research it

they’re more proud I actually feel but

more importantly I’m so proud of my

guests and I’m so grateful that they

were able to share their journey but I’m

also so happy to have such loyal

listeners like yourselves to really

support this movement and that’s exactly

what it is it’s a movement it’s about

trying to inspire people try and put a

positive beacon of light into the world

and really try and get everyone to live

their best life combat their excuses and

really change their perception and

mindset so without rambling on too much

we have a really really exciting

two-part episode coming up for you now

now this is actually our first ever

two-part episode and conscious of your

time which is obviously our biggest and

most important commodity I’m gonna jump

straight into this one okay so I just

want to start by thanking Louise for her

time and coming onto the show today to

share her story which I’m sure you’re

all gonna find absolutely inspirational

so Louise how are you doing today

I’m good thank you I’m good fantastic

fantastic so I just want to say thank

you I appreciate you and I’m really

looking forward to this one so this was

actually a recommendation from somebody

else you may have

one heard previously on a podcast it’s

episode number fourteen and it’s my bet

daily Rylan it’s something that I urge

all of you to check out because it was

actually within the first four hours it

got the most number of listen

straightaway so it’s a great hit and I’d

recommend you all going back to that

however moving on now we have another

fantastic guest in Lewis so Louise I

think it’s really important for the

listeners to understand your story and

understand a little bit about yourself

as well if you if you wouldn’t mind if

you could just kind of give us an

insight into yourself a little bit about

your journey and what basically brings

you here today yeah no worries so and if

I’m completely honest I never thought

three even four years ago that I would

be someone that would be sat being

interviewed on a podcast talking about

the subject that I’m going to bring to

the table today which is loss

bereavement and life after living

through sort of that kind of trauma so

so my story is from nottingham from

robin hood that’s where i kind of grow

up grew up and spent my childhood had a

fantastic childhood my parents really

sort of put myself over the first I was

kind of one of those people at school

that was not really super cool but also

I hope not too much of a mega geek and

you know you did did the normal stuff

kind of growing up going into nightclubs

probably too young being carried out of

nightclubs after having drink too much

so my friends before say probably too

young and went away to university at 18

where I studied French and actually

lived abroad for a year when I was 19

which was quite young and that was I

suppose my first experience if I’m being

brutally honest of life if that makes

sense so in terms of really realizing

things around loneliness relationships

being able to kind of go it alone and do

things for yourself because essentially

when you’re on your own in a foreign

country you have no one else to rely on

other than yourself and I and so that

was that was really really kind of big

experience in my life and graduated in

in 2006 probably like many so you really

expect it about what life had to offer

me and had one of these huge plans

around what I thought I was gonna be and

what car is thought I was gonna drive

and what house I wanted to have hadn’t

met kind of anyone special at that point

there’s been a few a few boys but no one

who’d kind of really made me sort of sit

up and take notice and in 2006 I was

accepted on to a training scheme a

graduate training scheme and that was

kind of a supposed to start of where my

life really really started to change so

I I started there in September and on my

first day in fact before my my first day

on the induction day I met George who I

would fall in love with and marry so we

were part of a group of about 30 people

he will join together and we had a great

time it was like being at university you

know me we were there training together

living together all became really really

great friends but he was the guy that

kind of more than anyone else you know

was not never first I on any level I you

know I remember thinking oh my gosh this

guy’s so confident you know he’s really

sort of sure of himself but we just

became really great friends and we used

to would talk all the time and then it

was that that Christmas so this is the

September when we started our job and it

was that Christmas when we actually kind

of had our first kiss so he’d he’d

really really raison he said when he

first were in the business oh well I’m

gonna be I’m gonna be in Edinburgh so

I’m gonna have a hub burn a party and

we’re all gonna come to Edinburgh and

have this holiday party and I remember

thinking oh my god who is this guy like

they’re so confident

so anyway true to his words you know

four months later there we all were sort

of twenty or so others at his flat in in

Edinburgh and that’s kind of where

George and I had our first kiss

New Year’s 2006 2007 and after that you

know my life my life changed in an

instant I know for people that are

listening that of maybe you know you’ve

met someone that they know that they

won’t spend the rest of their life with

when you meet that special person you

know really it is everything that you’ve

ever hoped for it is kind of like the

movies and the songs

and it’s it’s truly beautiful it’s a

really amazing experience and we knew we

knew from the outset that we had

something special I think that often you

do you know it was more than just a

friendship it was a kind of deep

respectful sort of love it was it was it

was powerful you know and so we kind of

went on living our lives together you

know as what happens when you meet the

person that you want to spend your life

with you know you stop being you stop

being as our lives became more and more

intertwined so we we lived apart we

lived together

we vented together we bought a house

together his kind of his career went

from kind of great amazing as he kind of

charged through the ranks from corporate

perspective we were engaged in 2010 we

were married in 2011

I felt pregnant we had off this baby

quite quickly which was just a huge

blessing and we it gave birth to of this

son in 2013 so for all intents and

purposes we were the couple that that

had it all we were probably the people

and I hugely recognize this that people

look to in kind of discipline oh how

they got this you know like they’ve

they’ve met young they’ve both got good

jobs they’re doing really well hopefully

they thought we were nice people you

know we had we had a nice house we drove

nice cars we had a you know we had we

decided we wanted to have a baby and it

just was easy we got pregnant and I had

no problems with my pregnancy so you

know we were on to a good thing life was

life was really really great and then we

decided to have another baby and I got

pregnant very easily again and shortly

after office and was born we moved house

so we relocated back to Nottingham sure

because by this point we’re living down

south because that’s like the street sir

I paid gold and then whilst I was

pregnant with our second son George just

had this overwhelming feeling which I

can come back to and talk about some

more and as we kept kind of maybe deeper

into the interview there that we had to

move that we had to move back to my

hometown and

um so we we bought a house when I was

six months pregnant and moved after our

son was just born to me with an 8 week

old baby at that time that’s when George

started to be presenting with symptoms

that just weren’t you know wasn’t well

and we couldn’t get to the bottom of it

he was wrong he constantly had a cold he

was always tired

he was really rundown he had low really

really low energy levels and because of

the stage and the circumstance of our

life in that we had two incredibly young

children Zoey at this point you know we

had a three-month-old baby and a

two-year-old son and you know just

Newhouse

George was commuting to London from our

house and Notting Michelle it is a big

commute you know said not you know not

for the faint-hearted

we just continually put it down to the

fact that this is what life is in your

season and you know you try and have

yeah we’re rundown you know this is

having kids everyone whinges about the

tiredness and the exhaustion which is a

you know it’s part of the territory of

you know you don’t live with your

children but it just didn’t sort of seem

to get better and there was this

continual niggle that was there and

essentially basically we pursued it and

to cut a long story short of how we

actually came to this conclusion we

decided to send George for a colonoscopy

which is a process where you basically

have a camera put up your bottom it’s

not that unpleasant so he went off and

had this procedure and I mean this is

what our life was like at this point in

time our and so he decided to have this

procedure in London because he remember

him saying to me

you know I’m so busy at work what I can

do is I can go to work and then I can do

this after work and I can come back and

I can still behave at that time we

genuinely didn’t think that there was a

big you know big big reason to be

concerned all of the health care

professionals had said to us there’s not

a reason to be worried he’s so young

he’s 33 it’s definitely not gonna be

bowel cancer and basically that day that

you had the colonoscopy which was the

the 9th of December 2015

he called me I was at home literally

kind of quite literally walking around

the Christmas tree and my little boy

answer and with a little Senate nurse we

putting all my fairy lights out thinking

wow you know life’s amazing this is gray

and he called me and that phone call was

the moment that just shattered my life

because having your husband ringing and

say the words I’ve got cancer ah it was

just it felt like a time-space continuum

and I yeah it was just hideous and I

remember saying to him oh my god she

can’t know this already how do you know

like it can’t be which was actually the

route that I went domine when he told us

was exactly the route that all of our

friends went down afterwards when we

actually had to then tell them the news

which was just as difficult as him

having to tell me and I know now that

that’s the kind of psychological

response in terms of you know plausible

denial you want to commercialise with

what you’re hearing and you want somehow

to be like this isn’t true this this

can’t be the case this isn’t us you know

do you not know who we are today and I

remember you know being on the phone

with George and crying and him saying to

me it’s fine like he’d managed to have

the force I mean this is the kind of

incredible guy he was he’d had the

foresight to call my parents tell my

parents what happened before he ran me

so he could say to me after he told me

I’ve got cancer your mum and dad are on

the way

your mum doubt of coming over and

they’re gonna be here any minute and

they’re gonna be they’re gonna be here

they’re gonna scoop you up and I’m on my

way back from London it was just so so

so kind and so thoughtful which was just

who he was to his core

so that was December 2015 and our lives

in that instant you know I often joked

with people and say I sing the song from

Fresh Prince of bel-air oh it’s probably

shows the kind of generation that I am

it was you know this Oriole upside down

because in that instant it was my life

was flipped turned upside down and yeah

it was just everything that we knew

about our life was thrown thrown on the

floor but then that you know that wasn’t

the end that was the beginning of a new

life and a new existence which went on

for 11 months

so we then lived in a season of stage

four bowel cancer so when George was

diagnosed he had metastatic bowel cancer

which is base

we can circle of lingo for the fact that

the cancers bad and it spreads to

different parts of your body and in

George’s case it spread to his liver

which is not good news obviously it’s

one of our major organs that you need to

function so George then lived through I

think it was eight rounds of

chemotherapy followed by six weeks of

really intense radiotherapy followed by

a season of kind of watch wait let’s see

where this where these horrible cells

kind of come back then he did a huge

huge surgery in the summer which is

something called the liver resection

which is essentially where you get

chopped open and all of your liver

there’s got cancer and chopped out which

is kind of just the most epic surgery

you can imagine before he did that he

cycled around London and raised a lot of

money for bowel cancer UK and then he

said I remember him saying to his

oncologist you know just before he had

this liver surgery I’m gonna I’m gonna

do more bike riding and then this sort

of all looking at him like he was

completely mental eight weeks to the day

after he’d had his liver resection he

cycled from London to Paris released

more funds for Bar Council UK and then

shortly after returning home from that

boat ride he started complaining again

feeling unwell and we you know we

genuinely thought that we were on the

sort of positive track with this disease

and literally eight weeks the day after

he’d stood in front of the eiffel tower

you know holding his bike you know in

this kind of really momentous epic

photograph that I’ve got of him he was

dead so he he went downhill incredibly

quickly and peacefully passed away on

the 18th of November 2016 so I was 33

and I had a three year old and a ten

year olds and yes it was incredibly

incredibly hard yet was incredibly

beautiful and a moment of glory that I

never expected at the moment of his

passing so I suppose that was a real

game-changing moment when he died which

was just absolutely beautiful and

there’s no other word to describe it

which is I suppose why my story’s a bit

different because I think probably most

people are going to be expecting me to

say and then it was him

yes and then it was all for and I love

this season of grief and and it has been

and it was all of those things but it

was equally really beautiful because of

their the way in which George died and

what happened to all of this at the

moment of his death which I’m sort of

really excited to talk some more with

you about say and just stunned that last

bit and which we will touch on just in a

few moments time I can tell that you

were going to have that response just

from the way you were explaining your

journey and everything that you’ve been

through so but when I think of concern

what it’s done to my family it becomes a

more of an emotional thing and it’s

quite like even when you talk about it

like demeanor and everything changes

when you say you can see that you’ve

actually found the silver lining in this

in this journey that you’ve had to take

and I just find that incredible so I’m

looking forward to hearing just a bit

more about that have balls and know

about how it was one not only incredibly

hard but also incredibly beautiful I

mean I’m taking notes here because I

don’t want to miss anything and I’m sure

listeners I probably think ask her this

ask her this because it’s so fascinating

because what you’ve literally described

is a fairy tale story and it’s kind of a

story that I suppose when we grow up

there’s there’s a thing and I was I was

doing a speech recently and I was saying

how you know how we go to school and

yeah you get your results and then you

go to secondary school then you have the

I love is then you go to university then

you get married and you have kids and

then you retire at 65 it’s almost like

somewhere in a in our subconscious I

suppose we reprogram to believe we’re

just going to lift or 65 when

everything’s just gonna fall in place

and then what happens it comes in boom

it hits you how is he so hard yeah

that’s why people struggle and I just

think yeah it’s a I’m grateful that

you’re sharing this story because it

would just wake people up yeah I’m very

fortunate that nothing like that has

happened to my wife or myself at this

moment but I do try and live as if that

could happen tomorrow oh yeah it would

that the nightmares that could

potentially happen so oh you mentioned

that you’ve been travelling for a year

as well not obviously generate so where

did you travel so I didn’t travel so I

lived I mean sorry you lived you live

yeah yeah yeah and I said friendship

University and I lived in fret in France

I actually lived I need to be honest I’d

love to go back now as a 35 year old and

do I did then I lived in the noir

Weinberg

which at the time as a 19 year old he

basically like drinking wkt blue it was

completely lost of me as like a kind of

cultural experience but it was part it

was part of my my studies in terms of

what I had to do to kind of learn the

language but yeah that was that was

interesting and it’s been really

fascinating actually as I’ve taken some

time particularly this last year because

I’ve been taking some time out of work

to actually I’m writing a novel actually

so I’m writing the story of what what

happened to is in that in detail because

I’m really mindful that to try and relay

it in you know an hour even in two hours

it doesn’t do it justice which is why

I’m writing the story of exactly you

know all of the twists and turns and the

beauty of what unfolded but essentially

you know I’ve really realized that that

experience that I had in France was

really formative and actually was

equipping me with skills that I would

need kind of in the moment of George’s

death and it was also interesting in

that some of the corporate experiences

that I’d had as well so often you know

people always saying it’s very cliche

isn’t it you know when you’re having a

difficult time people often say stuff to

you like you know this all happens for a

reason or you know it’s in difficulty

where you learn and you know what I

hugely believe in both of those points

but actually when you’re in that

hardship and you’re in that season of

struggle and people say that to you if

I’m being brutally honest sometimes it

feels like a slap in the face because

you just you just feel kind of like well

you don’t know what is to be in the

situation I’m in and how do you know

that I’ve been positioned for such a

time as this but I think you have to I

think you have to come to that

conclusion yourself I don’t think other

people can kind of impart that wisdom

into you and it’s taken me to live

through the experience of my husband’s

cancer and his death to wake up to life

does that make sense

and I now look at all of these

experiences that I’ve had the good and

the bad and go wow like I was being like

trained I was being because I was

positioned into that set of

circumstances the reason why that

happened was to serve me later and when

you start to reflect that in that way

you often see that you’ve done that you

did do some really great learning in me

seasons of struggle and they and they

have served to make you a more full kind

of person that can then cope and be more

resilient in times that will be even

tougher may be that you face in the

future say yeah this interesting I just

love that I just love your perspective

on things and I think because I believe

everyone gets these potential lessons

and I call it potential lessons because

yeah it’s what they take from it really

and yes that you mentioned resilience as

well and yeah I I’ve had

I mean I’m day two you know and I feel

like I’ve had some ups and downs as well

in my life which I’m sure every single

person has yeah the grass is never

greener on the other side yeah

absolutely yeah I mean that’s one of the

reasons for this podcast but I’m

grateful now especially in hindsight of

all the adversity and everything that

I’ve been through because now when

something trivial happens say for

instance in my day job or you got a flat

tire or something that would normally I

suppose dress me out five six years ago

yeah yeah it just doesn’t faze me

because in the grand scheme of things do

you know what I mean you you snot

absolutely 100% yeah I’m interested in

this novel Azure which i think is gonna

be fantastic because like you said we

can’t touch on everything within this

short amount of time but I think just

from listening to the opening 15-20

minutes people are going to be very

interested in hearing more about this

myself included and I think you’re not

alone in what you’ve experienced but I’m

sure that you’re very unique in terms of

how you’ve change your perspective and I

think if you can hopefully help other

people who have maybe been through a

similar situation to maybe look at it in

the way that you said so I want to go

back to that bit where you mentioned how

incredibly hard it was oh but then also

incredibly beautiful if you yeah yeah so

let’s talk about the hardship and the

struggle first I think you have you see

that fully fully understand that then

understand the beauty if that makes

sense you have to source it in the

darkness to feel to feel the light which

sounds quite cheesy but I think it’s you

know that’s kind of essentially the the

heart of this story and you know that

moment that if we go back to the moment

that I described to you earlier when you

know George was diagnosed with cancer it

was hideous

and I often say to people actually that

is when my life changed and that is when

I started to grieve

because that was the moment that our

lives changed forever at that point we

were obviously still hoping there George

was gonna live to tell the tale

but even if he had lived to tell the

tale he would have been living to tell

the tale with the with the scar of

cancer and I think this is the part of

cancer that is so widely misunderstood

people want to treat it like a disease

there is a heart problem or an

orthopedic problem which is you know you

go to the hospital you have some

medicine and you get better and your

life’s all okay again and actually the

reality of cancer at any stage that you

get it is that it alters the check that

your mindset and the course of your life

forever because it fundamentally makes

you realize your own mortality in a way

that you’ve never had to realize it

before and it also therefore because of

that makes you live your life very

differently it makes you live your life

in fear it also makes you live your life

with joy because you appreciate and have

such a broader perspective for the

amazing and wonderful variety of what

you see in everyday life because it is

you know that is where you live and in

in the everyday not in the holiday that

you’ve got planning for six months time

or the night out that you’re really

looking forward to a couple of weeks and

and cancer really has a way of sort of

shifting your perspective and I think I

think this shift of perspective is

universal but obviously I think from my

own experience is not fertile for anyone

else he’s impacted by this disease but

what’s interesting is you know once you

kind of take some time to let the news

settle which you have to do and you get

news that big you know I remember for

George and I we had the classic

fight-or-flight response and we actually

chose flight so we ran away essentially

to the yorkshire dales which was where

George’s mother lived and basically

spent sort of two or three days almost

in hiding trying to figure out what we

were gonna do so yeah we we ran away to

the oxidase and there we sort of like

tried to look at the situation

pragmatically so both of this had sort

of a spaceman entrained in the corporate

world because of the circumstances in

which we

which was on this kind of management

training scheme unit we’d both been

through quite vigorous corporate

training so we’ve done all of the you

know separate the people from the

problem how do you make a decision all

of that kind of stuff and actually we

kind of said you know what we’ve got to

kind of implement some of these skills

that we’ve been taught in terms of

facing this this beast that is cancer

and that and that’s kind of what we

chose to do so when we actually sort of

approached it as if it was almost a

corporate problem and and I and I feel

like I’m I’m I’m even laughing as I say

this because it because essentially this

is what we had to do we had to look at

it as not a black dark disease that was

gonna claim our life we had to look at

it as a unwanted guest that maybe moved

into our house which is how it fell and

then it was kind of like what what we’re

gonna do in this and once a guest

how are we gonna how are we gonna make

you feel part of the family and then we

don’t really want them to be here but

accept the fact that they are gonna

probably eat our table now for the

foreseeable future and we can’t make

them leave they’re only gonna go when

they want to you know so we we looked at

you know what we could do and one of the

first things actually that we did was

and it was George’s this is all

different by George not by me was he

sort of said well I’m not having cancer

and I remember saying to him what are

you talking about you know you’ve got

cancer like we can’t we can’t get rid of

it just like that and say no what I mean

is I’m not I’m not calling it cancer I’m

not I’m not going to be named as having

cancer because there’s a lot in the name

I mean there’s even a you know there’s

the beautiful Shakespeare quote of you

know if Rose has anything else you know

I can’t I can’t remember it and the

baton but it’s about you know if it was

caught if it was still called over but

it was cannot call the rose but it still

smells so sweet and that same that same

thinking and that same mindset is so

true cancer because the problem is is

you say cancer to people and people

think death because people are so scared

of death and actually the reality these

days is one and two people will get

cancer and also lots of people have

cancer and go on to live really

beautiful long lives also have cancer

and live really successfully with cancer

for a good number of years

but we all have this fear you know it’s

essentially the Millennial tuberculosis

that you get cancer and it’s literally

like then the Grim Reaper is their door

yeah so George George said to me from

the from the outset I don’t want cancer

I’m not gonna have cancer I’m gonna have

a project name so we we we were sort of

like I was like okay so it was it was

like a awesome cheesy episode of The

Apprentice we were driving north and he

we were there thinking of names and

every name I came up with which I can’t

remember any of the names I actually

came up with he he was beating of

dallying no that’s awful that’s that’s

horrendous I kind of thought I can’t

have this then he said out of nowhere

Invictus what about Invictus and

honestly when he said that name it was

literally like a thunderclap in the car

it was amazing like it shot waves

through my heart and I was like that’s

amazing I was like why do we both know

this name a week googled it and we’re

like oh it’s an aftershave and then we

would you know laughing joking which

again is another you know like that is a

real great way of building resilience so

it sounds so awful and crude to say but

to try and find the fun and the smiles

and the everyday humor in amongst you

know this car crash that is your life is

so important because you’re still

yourself when you still find the same

things funny and you like eating the

same sweets and the same places even

though you’ve got cancer

I remember we’re in fits of laughter be

kind of like you know why on earth have

you chosen an aftershave advert this is

just really cheesy but then when we went

further into it we found out that

actually the original naming conventions

are coming from this amazing poet and by

Ernest Hemingway which actually I now

having a frame on my wall at home and

the line the closeout line of the poem

is this really sort of like thunderous

clothes which basically says I’m the

captain of my fate and I am the master

of my soul and those words we were just

like they were literally like boom to

our hearts we were like yes okay this is

it now we we are not having cancer so

we’re having sort of project and victors

and that was the start of is I

suppose time to refrain what was

happening to is but that also didn’t

mean that what was happening to us

wasn’t horrible you know like there’s

lots of cancer there is hideous there is

absolute sleep deprivation because

you’re so anxious about everything that

you you go to bed and you can’t sleep

and you’re wide awake you wide awake

there’s there’s an easier because of

that because you’re so exhausted you’re

and you’re trying to keep the show on

the road

you can’t remember sometimes the most

simplest of things there’s the the huge

impact that it has on your daily life I

mean essentially I was still on

maternity leave you know we had an eight

month old baby so I was supposed to be

the one that was being looked after

because I was up at night you know still

with a baby that didn’t really know you

know day from night if I’m being

brutally honest yeah and you know then I

had to switch roles into this person

that wasn’t just caring for a

two-year-old and a eight month old it

was also caring for a guy he was there

two three who had cancer which for him

was just as difficult as it was for me

because he was the the dad he was the

father figure of the family he wanted to

be able to provide and support his wife

at his children and the reality of the

cancer treatment that he had was there I

mean he had really really top-drawer

chemo which was like I remember them

saying the hospital is it’s pretty much

like we’re putting bleach in your veins

and he had it every 11 days so he didn’t

have much downtime between treatment you

know he’d go on it he’d go on his go and

have his infusion and actually he then

had to come home with a with a bottle

attached to him which is a type of

chemotherapy that lots of bowel cancer

patients if anyone who’s had bowel

cancer is listening will be familiar

with and you then basically take the

pump it’s called a pump home with you

for three days so that was you know that

was a man mindful in itself because we

had to explain to our kids what was

going on that they couldn’t jump on

daddy and it wasn’t ever that we kept

anything secret from our children but

you know our oldest child was two years

old you know how do you explain to a 2

year old dad daddy’s got cancer that

he’s got this medicine on him I mean

actually and that is what we explained

to him and we had to explain what the

words meant to him but you know they

don’t

at that age they don’t understand what

it means they it means nothing to them

you know for all intensive purposes for

them it was like daddy had a bottle of

Cal Poly attached to him you know they

didn’t get the severity of it and it was

really tough and it brought up a lot of

stuff for me around you know what do I

do in terms of work so obviously I was

off work on maternity leave I actually

went back to work because I felt so much

pressure because I was thinking you know

I don’t we’d have no idea how long this

cancer journeys gonna go on for and even

though both of our employers were just

the most supportive employers B could

have ever asked for

you always have that niggle in the back

of your head that actually if this goes

on for six years seven years are they

still going to be this supportive and

list understand a and I remember saying

to George you know I’ve got to go back

to work George because we might be in a

position where we’re only rely you know

we’re relying upon my salary and you

know you can’t work which he never

really wanted to face into so I went

back to work and even when I talk about

it now I genuinely don’t know how I did

it I went back to work with a

one-year-old just three year old and a

husband with cancer and was kind of

doing my job as well as commuting to

London and you know running a house you

know it was absolutely exhausting and

exhausting in a way that makes your soul

eight you know it wasn’t just it wasn’t

just sort of tired of the way that

people say I’m tired you know it was

exhausting and it was the relentless

sort of tsunami of it all because the

way that cancer works is you kind of it

is it’s a long boil disease you know it

isn’t a disease there you know it goes

it doesn’t go away like an orthopaedic

you know injury like I said previously

and it and it’s it’s always there

simmering in the background and every

now and again you get these huge waves

that crash over you and they sometimes

absolutely come out of nowhere and it’s

about then how you how you protect

yourself and what you what you do – I

suppose build that resilience and that’s

what we learn in that 11 months

essentially initially it was like we

were all at sea we have no idea what the

hell we were doing and gradually as the

year

went on we built that resilience muscle

and we learned the techniques around

what is it that’s gonna help us and we

knew that there were certain things that

for us as a family he with the things

that work but that took some time to

figure out it wasn’t like the next day

after George I can’t sir we went yeah

this is this is what we have to do this

trick is it yeah

no no so it was so hard it was so so

hard so hard yeah

firstly what a wonderful person he

sounds like and I just in your

relationship the way you were just

feeding a feature then you had this

whole story behind Invictus Sol Invictus

for me initially yeah Paco Rabanne it’s

the which is what I remembered but also

there’s a film money as well yes and

it’s happened to feed on conquerable so

Wow

yeah you actually said it in this moment

that’s what I was feeling and I was

getting almost goose thinking yeah

that’s it how you guys have done it and

it just shows the power of like the

human will and the importance that words

because just by changing that name

you’re not you’re not necessarily saying

to listeners here listen let’s brush

cancer under the copy and pretend it’s

not here what you’re saying is okay we

acknowledge it’s here and some days

we’re facing it but we’re gonna just

face it in a more positive way to help

us move forward and I think that’s

really really yeah the way you’ve done

that and in terms of exhausting I mean

we all sit here myself included and

we’ll have a 14 hour day or a 12 hour

day we’ve been asked to do some overtime

and we feel you know what I’m tired I’m

tired and here you are with no actual

choice with your back against the wall

just showing how powerful the human mind

and body in sync how much we’re actually

capable of doing and that also goes sexy

when you mentioned George who did that

running I mean who in their right mind

if you think about it from a logical

perspective things after being chopped

up I’m go go go raise money wait you

know you know what there are what I

would say is I follow some really

inspirational people on Instagram and

particularly love the the three women

and who created the you me Big C podcast

and Rachel blance or sadly passed away

in September last year and I follow I

follow the girls actually that do that

show on Instagram and they ones a cancer

survivor one one is living with stage

four cancer

they are always out exercising and

actually what I would say is it hey

for you to realize that your body is

fragile and that you have to look after

it to want to look after it sometimes

and actually the irony is is that George

actually was a fitness fanatic even

before he had cancer so he was on these

people that would go to gym gym and I

would always be like what are you doing

but I had to say since he has had cancer

and obviously lost his life to cancer

it’s made me go as well you know your

body is so precious you have to look

after it you have to be mindful of what

you’re putting in it in the way in which

you’re using it in the way in which

you’re nurturing it because it’s it’s

precious to you and it’s your only

rocket ship you’re not going to get

another one so you have to look after it

and I think incredibly there is this

mindset amongst the cancer community of

I am gonna do the stuff that like you

know that we run a 5k or run a marathon

because almost as well you know everyone

knows the healing benefits of fitness

it’s it’s proven right so there is this

mindset of just you know well I am what

I want to do this mentally even more

than I’ve ever wanted to do it so I do

you think it’s crazy but I also think

you know not taking anything away from

George because it was incredible what he

did but I also think you’ll find that

there are lots of people who are

impacted by cancer that also have that

absolute mindset of no I’m gonna go for

it I’m gonna raise this money I’m gonna

go and do this and I think you’re right

and I think but this is kind of what I

want this podcast to do is not let

somebody have to suffer with cancer see

somebody also for with cancer to really

understand what they’re actually capable

of because we’re so much we’re living

just in the comfort zone all the time

and health and fitness is one of my

biggest passions so yeah I’ve always

been into it but then when I went to

university was it was more about vodka

commands and hangovers sure yeah it was

that kind of stuff for generally

speaking up when I was about 25 I think

that’s when cancer came into into my

family only affected my own cause yeah

and one of the things I started doing

then was really taking my health and

fitness seriously so I blogged on

personal training since then I’ve

trained over like three 400 clients and

I always know my analogy is I know the

circumstances for instance similar to

Georgia where you can be healthy you can

be doing

right and then it’s just not meant to be

I can just come for what I always try

and do is just put the odds in my favor

and I always tell all my clients just

put the odds in your favor you know when

you lift some weights or you do any sort

of CV exercise cardiovascular you’re

you’re you’re reducing the chances of of

illness and that’s kind of what I do so

every single morning without fail and

unless some literally on my deathbed

sorry or I’m traveling I’m training and

I don’t have to enjoy it but for me you

know it’s 4% on my day just after

yourself and you touched on something

there by what you put into yourself and

I think it’s important for the listeners

just to know it’s not just physical

consumption like food and water it’s

also what you say in your monitor yeah

absolutely

so the project Invictus that kind of

stuff is it’s empowering and if you can

just so I just think there’s this I

could talk about what you said now for

another five hours because I’m sure

people are going to pick up on thank you

thank you for sharing all of that what I

need to move it forward just slightly

otherwise we’ll have a six hour podcast

but what definitely can get you back on

so nice obviously change quite quite

significantly now yeah yeah and it’s

something that you obviously you’re

never prepared for what is a day like

for yourself now and what I want to ask

more in particular is obviously life’s

taught you so much so quickly

already are there certain habits or

traits that you maybe do on a daily

basis that you think people listening

could potentially benefit from yes so I

mean the part of the story that haven’t

got into and maybe isn’t one for the

dates move maybe at halftime is the what

actually happened when George died which

in which I suppose was the absolute

beautiful firework finale to this whole

year so if you imagine this 11 months

when George had cancer was like us it

was a slowly learning how to overcome

adversity and build resilience in a way

that I’d never had see before and then

when we realized that you know the end

was nigh when he was told there was

nothing that they could do and he was

going to die but we

you know how long it was going to be and

what that what may or may not look like

and how painful it may be and all those

other things that was the moment where

if I’m really honest and being really

really vulnerable

I hit absolutely rock bottom because I

kind of when I don’t know what to do now

you know like all of this other stuff

that we’ve taught ourselves this far in

terms of you know finding three things

every day to be thankful for doing

exercise you know renaming things to

make them feel more palatable you know

eating well to make sure we’re we know

we’re making our bodies feel as great as

we can sleeping where we can in amongst

near the chaos of TV and children all of

those things that other sort of things

if you pick up any book on on resilience

and how to and how to kind of you know

build and and and work that muscle they

just didn’t work and I I remember just

thinking oh my gosh like what what do I

do and it was it was awful and it meant

that we were both in a really

emotionally low state which as I’m sure

again lots of people will identify with

when you’re in that place what happens

is you lash out or the people that you

love the most

so we’re in this hideous set of

circumstances which was you know we knew

that George was gonna die and we had

what was probably the biggest row I

think we ever had of our whole marriage

our whole relationship because I was

really angry at him and actually you

know what I was actually angry about him

what I thought I was angry about him was

not what I was angry about at him at all

I was actually angry at him because he

was dying and that’s what I now realize

with hindsight you know I was at I was

angry about him about something that

he’d said to us mom or not said to his

mom but that wasn’t you know and I’ve

gone back and rabbit reaction man that

wasn’t the reason the reason I’m so

crossed with him was because I was angry

that he was leaving me that he was gonna

die that he was not going to be here to

bring up my kids that I was gonna have

to do life on my own in a way that I’ve

never ever expected to and that night I

went out I literally ran out of the

house into my car it sounds Hollywood

dramatic and it actually was a little

bit that way and I got in my car and I

drove it was dog

evening it was raining and I didn’t know

what to do and I just felt lost really

really lost and in that moment I

remember thinking in my head where am I

gonna go who do what who should go and

see if it goes to my mom and dad I could

go see like my aunty best friends who’s

the person that I need that who do I

need and I was I was sort of trying all

these people in my head to see if they

fitted with it the way I thought in my

heart and none of them felt that they

worked and actually at that point in

time was seeing a psychologist and I

thought do I bring her like do I go see

her I couldn’t even bring myself to go

see my psychologist he was the person

that really you know I employed to sort

of be the person I could take all these

things to so I decided it in that moment

that I needed to go to a church and then

I was kind of like right really go to a

church and if I’m honest again I think

it was rooted in some level of utopian

memory that I’ve got from childhood

probably movies like home alone where

Kevin goes to church and yeah has that

like magical moment when he’s missing

his mummy you know I was right I’m gonna

go to church and tried that and to go to

a church on this like rainy October

evening at about I think it must have

been about five o’clock everywhere I was

locked her and I was so angry oran I

can’t tell you how angry I am

I was literally raging so I remember I

pulled my car over on a hard shoulder

and I and I said at least she got out my

car and I screamed and at this point in

time I was not a person of faith so

there is a purpose behind me telling you

the story and so I pulled over my car

and I literally got out of my car it was

raining I was screaming and I literally

it was like I was boxer in a ring that I

was a mad okay and I literally screamed

at the universe if you are real if you

are real you have to bleep bleep bleep

bleep show me there was a lot of swear

words yeah I was crying I was crying so

much you know I couldn’t even really

speak I was coughing

it was awful I got back in my car and

George text me two words that just said

come home and then I just wrote back

okay he wrote back I’m not planning or

dying anytime

Sene and i just hysterically burst into

tears and went home now that that moment

was a absolute another kind of

life-altering moment but it wasn’t

life-altering in that exact moment if

that makes sense because then what

unfolded in this or three weeks

following on from me going out and

having this moment where I went for it

and said to God you know you are real

it’s now or never because I don’t know

where else to turn it and God had never

been someone a force and an energy that

I had ever looked to previously but I

was I felt like I had nothing left in my

cup I had no place else to go

he was the only viable option left for

me to go to and what then happened and

what unfolded around George’s death

which we maybe don’t have the time to

discuss today was just supernaturally

unbelievably beautiful he died the most

glorified beautiful miraculous death

that was completely driven by sort of

the Holy Spirit just moving in and

taking residence in his room okay people

I’m just gonna play the out role now for

this part of the show but the next

episode should be available straight

away on your feed whether you using iOS

or Android and I hope you enjoy this

just as much as you’ve enjoyed this

first part of this incredible story from

Louise I know the next part certainly

gave me goosebumps especially when she

spoke about the supernatural stuff that

she experienced and I hope you enjoy it

too and once again thank you for all

your support and if you do get a chance

to leave this interview at the end of

the show I’d certainly appreciate it

thank you so much and remember this

podcast is absolutely free so all we ask

in return is for you to share this with

a friend and drop us a five star review

over on iTunes have an awesome day

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