How to deal with Grief #2

How to deal with Grief #2

Find your voice – Episode 2 – The Wake Up Call by Jin Atwal

Jins life screams adversity. The loss of his uncle, father and sister within such a short space of time caused his life to spiral out of control. The word death links closely to Jin’s life as does the word alcohol abuse. A stigma perhaps in the punjabi, asian community Jin refused to let this be his story. he wanted more.

Determined to succeed and not let his circumstances dictate his future he woke up and took control of his life and started writing his own story. Now in the process of writing his own book, “The Wake up call” Jin is now looking to inspire others and help them cope with the grief he has suffered.

Alongside this he has a mission to help children and ensure they struggle with less hardship in their lives!

If you think that’s not enough his also a successful property investor with many more talents..

“When you lose somebody, it’s always there. It never goes away.” – Jin Atwal

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.arendeu/podcast

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to guest:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/manjinder.atwal

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jin120280/

#JustDeuIt & #FindYourVoice

YouTube Transcript

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself mr. Aren do what’s

going on people yes that is correct my

name is Aren and I am the host of the

show so I’m extremely excited today

because my guest is somebody who’s not

only got an incredible story that is

riddled with ups and downs and trials

and tribulations but he’s also someone I

consider a friend alongside that he’s

also a loving father to two beautiful

girls he’s a loving husband and he’s a

very successful property investor so I

think it’s more important we speak to

him rather than listening to myself

because some of the stuff he’s gonna say

is really gonna blow your mind so

without further ado let’s get this

interview on the way good morning Jin so

how are you doing today good thank you

how about yourself

not too bad thank you just a little bit

of a cold which hopefully doesn’t affect

the podcast too much so I just want to

start firstly by saying thank you for

taking time out of your day to share

your story I’m very confident it’s going

to obviously inspire other people

knowing who you are as a person so I

think it’s important for the listeners

to basically get to know you

so if you could just please explain how

you’ve progressed through life and ended

up where you are currently okay so

without sounding like the okie Don

Goonies indeed though I’ll give you a

bit of a summary so a bit about me

so my first memories of a child is

probably my older sister he was about

three years older than me and she’s to

kind of always be up to mischief and I

was well I was a little sidekick I’ll

tell you one of those stories so one of

the times she dared me to throw a stick

at a wasp’s nest me crazily is to do

everything she told me to do seems like

a good idea why not

yeah so I did that what spirit stick I

was nest and had a swarm of wasps

chasing me and the garden didn’t end

well for me educate imagine but yeah I

you know I just follow around everywhere

and I was always you know really proud

of her you know she’s got a big

inspiration to me

growing up and then caught us to

summarize the kind of years after that I

could prolly summarize the kind of

experience a lot of grief at the deal

we’ve my dad he was an alcoholic seen a

lot of violence and experiences of

loneliness as a child so kind of going

into the grief part the first

experienced grief when I was around 10

years old so my dad’s younger brother my

uncle I used to live with us for a while

and so I was very close to him and kind

of be wiseass or even mourning a second

dad really and around Christmas Eve was

on Christmas Eve he went out for a works

party we have a few of his friends and

there’s all over the local quite drunk

and the drive was over the limit and on

the way home and started getting chased

by police officers and they tied the

driver decided to try to get away and he

ended up smashing the car into a brick

wall

my uncle was at the back in the middle

seats about a seatbelt on so probably

the worst place you could be

and a head-on crash I need to basically

just went straight right straight to the

front and died on scene so he was all

holy person in the car to die

and it was just clearly in the wrong

place in the car really sorry to truck

how old is you at this time yes I was

about 10 years old at the time and yeah

it’s kind of a difficult time for me I

think as as people or any heart we find

it hard to deal with grief and I think

that’s especially within the Indian

community so I think nobody ever spoke

to me about it and it was kind of is

there happening in the background and I

could see the pain in my dad and my

family and stuff like but nobody ever

came and

how we felt as children and I saw and I

think I ever dealt with it properly

until happy until like recently really

where I kind of started to think about

it bit more so that was kind of the

beginning of you know make me experience

him grief from what grief was like and

then from there I think my dad he

already kind of had a Greek problem at

the time kind of just went off the rails

so he just didn’t had to handle it and

well his wife and he would just turn

into drink and weave that he started to

become quite violent and we experienced

a lot of violence in the household on a

kind of daily weekly basis basically so

our store are still quite young then and

I felt it is my role to protect my

family

so I used to try to get my sisters

upstairs and out the way the venison

violence is coming and then I’d come

back downstairs myself and then tried to

stop my dad but you know which I could

do being so young and that kind of

started affecting me in a you know quote

negative way it just made me feel

worthless I felt like I wasn’t a man I

was like I wasn’t to be able to my

family and I was really hard on myself

so kind of that continued into my

teenage years basically and as I got

older I got bigger of still was tall

really afraid of my dad kind of embedded

into me at that saw him you know if he

just raised his voice I would get really

nervous and scared and that make me felt

felt like even worse as a person and

another violence continued and you know

and I just felt like I couldn’t do

anything so for me I started around

about 15 years old I turned to boxing

okay you need to boxing helped me in

many many ways it just taught me control

that aggression that was inside of me

and you know that anger so yeah going to

help me in a lot of ways but also

started getting the reputation at school

as the Hardeman and you know every time

in school say Argentina Sortino sausage

and I end up gaining points at school I

I thought I was always quite lonely

primary school didn’t have any many

friends didn’t have any you know just to

walk around myself I didn’t have a funny

time we have a single friend until about

10 years old and then when I got a

secondary school you know started making

a few friends but not many but then he

always always for the wrong reasons I

kind of I got known as tough guy you

gain two points or then I started

drinking myself which I always I used to

hate alcohol

I’ve seen is what I call my dad problems

of course I lost my uncle for alcohol

alcohol related but I think there’s one

time I just I just I drinking with some

friends they started a lot more early

than me and I just II I didn’t really

haven’t I couldn’t really pick in the

crowd and they stole do their own thing

and went out with one time’s it come on

now every drink with Jean and I end up

drinking with him I was talking most

often and I kind of got that reputation

and as you know he’s a good laugh when

he has a drink and he’s he’s you know he

gets it he’s a good good good of

pointing so if any trouble you’re salty

and that’s not the person I wanted to be

inside well that’s the person I became

and that continued really for many years

and then from there I kind of I went to

when I finished school into University

and I kept that persona you know Jean

was the default crazy fun guy that you

could have a good laugh we’ve ended up a

few drinks and he’s you know they were

tough not and you know inside I always

felt that that’s not me I’m just I’m

just no other person and that’s the

person that people like they don’t like

if I really thought he was myself people

wouldn’t like that I wouldn’t be that I

wouldn’t you know I wouldn’t be that one

person that everybody enjoys or became

somebody else basically that’s very

interesting point I think you just made

there your dad and the violence in the

house and I supposed you somehow

indirectly almost became that kind of

person ie the Hardman for example yeah

but I think it takes a mazing awareness

which you’ve just mentioned a couple of

seconds ago that you quickly realize

that okay although I’m getting plaudits

and people are kind of now coming to me

and the finding my company great for

example but this isn’t the kind of

person I want to be known as and I think

that takes a lot of awareness because

people will relate to this we sometimes

pigeonhole ourselves into situations or

groups just because we fit in by being a

particular person but what I always want

to try and do is tell people don’t try

and fit into a crowd by being somebody

you’re not

I just wanted to point that out just for

the listeners because I think it’s

important that you were able to

recognize that hold on a minute this

isn’t Janette well this is an episode or

should we call it a chapter of your life

but this isn’t the person that you are

it’s certainly not the person that I

know today yeah I think yeah if I did

realize but I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t

take action to change I was very quickly

to be honest I took me a long long time

so now after finishing University I’ll

stop and I was not that reputation I was

still that kind of person and then I

started my job and you know I did I’d

come a first job working for a big

energy company in there I was stolen a

happy you know started off doing a job I

didn’t really want to do just to get my

foot in the door a degree in Business

Studies what I did didn’t really seem to

help me and get there was the kind of

income that I wanted so I started off

stapling bills for a big energy company

you know I haven’t been to university

and don’t open house you know I was

there stifling bills you know five days

a week and I kind of annoyed me and I

got my head down and I know right

jin-hee you can’t do this you need to

you need to you know work your way up in

the companies so I got my head down and

I moved from that position all the way

up until senior position within the

company in ten years looking at the

business strategy so my rock my roll

towards the end of my career empower was

looking at the business strategy and how

we can use smart metering it’s more

dated to launch new product into the

market so it’s a good it’s a good job or

not you know I worked my way up from

stepping bills to that it was a massive

achievement but even through then I

wasn’t happy I was like you know I’m

still not me I don’t know who I am I

don’t know he was you know I know I’m

not the vision of what I want to be

myself I don’t know who the vision I

want to be of myself it should be what I

should look like I always had a dream of

getting into property on it so because I

did is I do remember Matthew told me

younger we didn’t really make much money

on it because we didn’t really know what

we were doing it we don’t got all the

space

properties we need you know we turn them

into amazing homes but didn’t really

think about in terms of the cash flow

and and how much would make from the

property so yeah he’s always in the back

of mind because like not having a hard

to feel home as a young as a child you

know I never felt like my home was home

always had this vision that I would one

day create amazing homes for people to

live in so he’s always my vision and

always something I said to my wife and I

when I got married and said does it on

again to property or Nicholas say all

the time she probably got better put me

here here with me saying it to be honest

and then the other thing going to say

I’m one day I’m going to go to a third

world country and I’m gonna build a well

and I’m gonna build a school for

children I’m gonna do so I’m gonna do

that

dreams and I was doing nothing that

would ever get me there my dream we

didn’t have a fighting chance ever

recording reality because I wasn’t doing

anything to get there so just I’m just

talking about them and then I kept it so

by doing that as time goes by and you

start talking about these dreams and

they’re not happening you lose the dream

start fading and you start losing faith

and you you just falling into a routine

of work and doing things that you don’t

want to do and life’s passing you by and

you know you kind of start losing a lot

of life and you dreams fade you start

fading as a person so I kind of always

said one day when I get married under

I’ll start doing all this I’ll get my

dad wouldn’t it from a company one day

and I’ll start using that money to do

all this stuff and you know any focus on

something I’d say thank you folks it’ll

be a comedy well is yeah I think that is

true because I focused on becoming

redundant I boxed in the wrong things

my folks I made redundant and I got made

redundant which is an unusual thing for

anyone to kind of focus on his foes yeah

and he’s focused on that because of a

lump sum of money I put that lump sum of

money out then I couldn’t start doing

what I wanted to do okay

I don’t like us but like I speaking to

one of my friends when I was a I hadn’t

seen him for about twenty years and and

he said are we so you brought BMW in the

end I said yeah and he goes I go why why

do you say that

I used to always say I’m gonna BMW and I

kind of laughed three months ago I wish

I said I was gonna buy a Lamborghini

yeah so I think being made redundant

kind of was just the start of my new

life really kind of all kind of mr. part

be up more logically just as a Finnish

University

I just finished and I got news that my

dad had fallen over and bumped his head

around by the same time as my sister

just got married she got off on a

honeymoon on a honeymoon and then and

then we got a call sign for the hospital

saying he’d you know he died in hospital

he formed his head and we when I’ve been

in hospital and when I saw him there I

was not really angry I am and I saw him

you know probably wanted to give him a

hawker today you know because he just

you know he didn’t look he had a big a

lot of bruising on his face I know that

but those are part of me is like what

are you doing to yourself or what you

know take control of your locals and

nothing and that came out I just said to

him like you know I’m ashamed of you you

know you need to you need to sort

yourself out and then I just turned up

turned away and walked at the hospital

and that turned out to be the last words

I ever said to my dad we got a call that

noise saying that a fellow in hospital

again and it is in a coma basically Hey

and this basically just miss missed me

up totally for years you know not not

just short-term he just played on my

mind and I started drinking a lot more

and every time I drank a stick like cryo

friends and say hey look you know this

is more last words I said to my dad this

was said in the law you know it’s not

your fault you know I just I just

wouldn’t go away

and it wouldn’t go away I like I said

waiting to come into my work went

through a company and just another doing

all this dope never it always be in the

back of our mind and then being made

redundant I kind of that looks like that

was start to my new life and I got made

redundant in January 2017 so I’m not

talking long ago but at that point I

kind of would

kind of introduced to the property world

well you know property cause but wasn’t

the property broader so I got introduced

but when you got into property courses

you started you got you you’re basically

going to room full of people that’s they

haven’t lost faith you know this dog

dreaming and still turn out action that

dream

I mean you surround yourself with those

people you start believing again y’all

start believing again and that changed

me totally I said I believe in my dreams

again but it wasn’t just that they stay

told me to read books right and okay

what books is it oh god we should read

Rich Dad Poor Dad start yourself off so

I did that okay this is good I enjoyed

reading that book I’m from then I just

thought I’d read and self development

books all the time

and I’ve never done anything like that

in my life and this won’t help you

understand me he was why I felt why I

did you know I thought I began to

realize there’s a book out there for

every single thing in your life so to

help you and things and so I was like

reading and reading a lot of books and

they’ve had a massive impact me it’s got

a strange thing every time I pick up a

book and read it

I somehow apply that into my life and it

makes a massive difference so and how

the first book was like Rich Dad Poor

Dad showed me the property but then I

read stuff like the five-second rule

we talked No yeah I said a massive

impact on my book and what I’m alive for

early the slight edge was an excellent

taught me about you know I taught me

that I’ve keep saying that I’m gonna

have this much I’m gonna go and build a

well I’m gonna go and do something that

because it’s not like that that things

not happen like that you you know start

off by doing a little bit at each time

and building yourself up there I think

what you just said there is a very good

point I think this is where a lot of

people they probably get the wrong

message because a lot of people read the

secret or they hear about the secret and

the thing just wishful thinking alone I

wish I could win the lottery for example

I wish I get a Lamborghini for example

and just by solely wishing that their

dreams come true but I think you

obviously explaining now you’ve realized

that that it takes a little bit more

than that it takes that whole mindset

the whole self-love the self-worth and

stuff which you spoke about earlier in

relation to tell you you know and I

think more important that is action and

I know you

and I think we met around the same time

you were redundant and yeah you openly

admit those times you were taking action

I think a very honest and that but now I

I see you and I think people that see

you on Facebook who are following your

journey I seen you I think you’ve

adopted is it a miracle morning which i

think is probably propellant to your

story but there’s action being taken

there now now it’s not just like fluffy

action like I’d certainly urge people to

just head over to your Facebook there’s

like it’s almost like a daily thing that

you’re doing and you’re being

accountable

I know no he knew it’s more for yourself

but at the same time people are seeing

that and people are thinking hold on a

minute this guy’s out there now he’s

actually taken action he’s world started

to change

maybe I should implement it and I know

there’s a couple of other friends who

I’ve spoken to her actually adopting the

same thing so fair play to you for that

me yeah I think it’s a to me reading

books is been a massive thing to me

change came alive meeting people that

haven’t lost in lost faith in their

dreams is one big thing and another

thing we just read him books and reading

you know if you haven’t got a problem

find a book for it I know that’s that’s

what I’ve found like I said I said the

miracle morning that’s something I

started as well which has a lot of

massive impact on me that’s basically

just having the morning routine spending

time on yourself so with me he’s always

about doing stuff for the people now

making other people happy with you know

trying to do everybody kind of control

anybody’s life and making sure everybody

gets on everybody’s happy

and I looked when I struggled to do that

I used to feel hard on myself

but then I realized that you can’t

control anybody else in life you have to

you don’t think you really have control

of yourself yeah and if you don’t spend

time when you saw then and trying to

give yourself to everybody’s pretty self

you’ll never helped anybody start

helping you start become a stronger

person and then once you’re in that

position then you could have thought

helping other people and I think that’s

what I realized from the miracle more

and I started spending time myself

really you know I’d go out for a run

come back for my run do affirmations

meditation you know things I found hard

to forgive me ways a bit fluffy but now

I love it and I were just doing

naturally in our meditation I like I

don’t sit there and sit in silence boy

minutes I can do that I found it hard

having my own time

I never done it but now it’s something I

have to do it’s like a it’s like a

medication for me in a way if I don’t

take my medication daily I’ll be start

became depressed again and I think if

you wouldn’t mind just elaborating on

that actually because I’m a big believer

that we are a result of not only our

thoughts and what we tell ourselves but

our daily habits and I’ve seen your

world transform which is fantastic to

see as a friend so much since you’ve

adopted these habits so if if for the

listeners if you could just kind of

explain your daily routine so I know

you’re very early

you acted up earlier than me one of the

very few so kudos to that but if you

could just explain from the moment you

wake up just very quickly kind of like

hour by hour or what you kind of do and

maybe people who have got a similar

situation to yourselves can kind of get

their medication fix and get their daily

routine similar to yourself okay so for

me waking up at 5:00 a.m.

most days I don’t always do that hard on

myself as I always wind up again no I’m

in a late annoyed or make sure it’s dog

it must leave but make up a bit later

but most most days are like 5 a.m. and

seen as a wake up brush want to get down

stairs I have a glass of water and then

I’ll just cause it’ll get at the house

as fast as I can get out do a 5k run

during that run sometimes listen to an

audio book or sometimes it just be

silencing my own thoughts and I’ll just

think about things and and then think

about life think about ideas and then by

the time I get back I’m quite fresh now

the cold air outside quickly at the

moment hits your face and it just wakes

you up and then what time I get home

then I go straight into meditation I may

say for five minutes

I’m from there I’ll go new look at my

goals which I’ve got on the wall fuel

and then do some affirmations

I’ll talk to myself about what my

purpose in life is and and what I want

to achieve that’s bigger than me and

then I’ll write down three things that

I’m grateful for

and then you haven’t done an audio book

well of Brian Oldham audiobook at the

end and then by then I’ll do other

social media updates which I’ve started

to do not just do you know

patelliday of America morning that’s

part of it trying to inspire people to

the point for me it’s a massive

accountability tool so by me having to

post every single day that I’ve just

done my miracle morning gets me up and

it gets me doing it

I know another gonna finish it off by

posting my miracle morning telling

people Barry it’s 20 inspire people

if I’ve got a four to the day while I

was running that came to mind or share

at that points and that starts me often

and not that way then it’s right you

know it’s around about seven o’clock and

my day’s going to start there and we’re

but kids wake up several kids to school

get back home around about nine o’clock

and then when I’m a real apartment that

day is in the impetus my property

investment business that’s when I start

doing that so you know like to be

putting offers in going see properties

going to see reefers been doing you know

but by then I’m ready to go

whereas before or probably wake up at

nine seven o’clock right with the kids

Teddy come to school running around

straightaway not no time to think get

home nine o’clock have breakfast go to

the gym at 10 o’clock 10:30 11 o’clock

and start doing some work because the

kids because the kids are free o’clock

about about two hours to do ready work

on my property business how am I going

to do anything and make my property

business work I’m just spending two

hours doing more doing that you know and

that’s what I realized you know by doing

everything all that stuff in the morning

get you going and in it when you get

going you’re going you know you know

it’s been you know a day just even like

doing stuff that you’re really focusing

on during the day absolutely I think I

think it’s key also as well especially

like with social media and emails and

stuff that that key part of the day that

you’ve taken out for yourself which as

we talked about earlier it’s really

important to look after yourself in

order to be able to look after other

people it’s it’s done in a time where

nobody’s really going to be emailing you

nobody is able to take away your energy

or control it so I I do a similar thing

I’m not shy away from the runs a little

bit more than yourself but I get myself

let’s call it medication I do the stuff

for myself first so I’ve kind of hit

these small wins so when the day does

come and your throne with curveballs as

you probably know as a property investor

you’re kind of more resilient towards it

plus if the day goes tits up shall we

call it you’ve still got so many things

don’t let you’ve stood on your own

you’ve been the affirmation you’ve

inspired people online you spent time in

your daughter’s you’ve took them to

school so you’ve still got a fair few

wins if that makes sense so I think yeah

it’s fantastic yeah and it changed my

life and like I say I have to do it now

because I know I’ve spoke to you before

about this and and I look like my

property journey in January 2017 and in

this mindset stuff but then you kind of

came my whole life I became a different

person everybody around me so I know

genius you’ve changed you know it would

seem like really confident you know

people and people started coming to me

and saying now people that I used to

look up to you so I coming to me and

saying you know tell us about this book

you reading tell us about this you know

how how have you become this different

person and I was telling him like you

know I was inspiring people and I

thought wow this is amazing and the

first time ever I could really say that

I lost anger lost the you know the way I

felt about the past and I let it all go

Courtley and I forgave my dad and

appropriate up and I forgave myself and

more importantly and I started moving on

and I thought wow this is amazing

and then November time my sister got it

all and you know to begin me we know we

didn’t think he was that bad you know I

said he’s off right we were told off

Reuters because people you know have but

then it kind of then it we got told he’s

coming called mixed tissue disease I and

then she went in for a routine checkup

or mid-november

and he just kept just kept between

hospital I meant being on a property

course that weekend and getting back up

one of the day and my brother-in-law

calling McKnight a nap he knows he’s

just not well and she’s gonna keep her

ring and you know she’s annoying I see

you know and it just like crazy

I thought what what what they just said

it was you know mix tissue disease and

it goes a bit more serious and I think

it might be you know a raven where a

rare case of this so we’re kind of you

know I went there straight away I know

stage of a hospital for two and a half

weeks and you know that’s another thing

with property and stuff that you know

allows you to do that if possibly my job

I wouldn’t be now just gone and do that

that’s what I see being could made no

make me realize a limp or two that

everybody’s having some kind of party

being salutely wait but kind of going

back to this door you know but what

happened he’s like it just it just it

just like my whole life has changed

and you know we’ve been I mean I

remember this what we’ve seen the

consultants one of the points and he

goes that we’ve never seen a case of

this in the UK it’s only been a handful

of cases in the world

right you know we’ve got nothing to

refer to and you know he says you know

it’s it kind of didn’t look good at all

but if you know if you heard what

they’re saying you think that’s it but

we never left we never lost five you

know we have to believe in no she’s

gonna make it when my sister was talking

you know she’s the best person I ever

knew and I feel quite decent George will

get furious and you know at the

beginning she was you know obvious the

first few days you know she’s on a

breathing machine and that was told it

was like she’s doing American every

single day right that’s how the pressure

it was on her lungs and she’s just

fighting it and it’s unbelievable says

she I don’t have to put her in an

induced coma you can’t keep doing this

and then to Cuzco more you guys later

and you know she never I won’t quote

from that and it’s just like it’s just a

crazy time you know obstinate you know

what points that we fought she’s gonna

be okay and at those points you know

you’d lost the news it or favor getting

like along this collapsed and stuff like

her and you know I was I was able to be

there from the right from the beginning

you know I stayed there every single day

I slept there a hospital talk to her

read books to her you know I read a book

The Alchemist the first time while I was

there and they talked about no purpose

in life and stuff and then kind of made

me think and I said to her then does it

look you know I said as a child that

what I know that my purpose in life is

to make sure that every child has the

same opportunity in life that every

charge of her and that’s what I’m gonna

do and I’m going to complete that

together and you know of course she’s

gonna make it’s gonna change your life

and we’re all gonna you know

leave our life’s to max because kind of

just before she went on reading the

five-second rule and I said like I said

a book always comes to me at the white

points and you said in there she talked

about a story of a better dad had a head

head tumor and she didn’t want to ask

him directly

how are you afraid because she didn’t

ask him that question but you could put

that you poor white 5 4 3 2 1 just ask

him I might see your sister – it was two

or three days before she went into

hospital

sat there just sitting in a chair and I

said you know for about you know what

I’m gonna say I’m gonna say 4 3 2 1

are you afraid and she goes she goes no

not really

she goes you know I know this is gonna

change my life but I think I’m gonna

deal with me she goes you know I’ve been

working too hard and and I already know

that I’m gonna from this it’s made me

I’ve had to sit down it’s made me stop

and it made me think about things in a

lot more detail and you guys gonna

change my life now and it spent a lot

more time with my family and they’re the

folks and the things that really matter

in life and I thought yeah maybe this is

a blessing these guys it’s like a

wake-up call for him he’s gonna change

your life completely and you know kind

of she never had that opportunity to do

that and that was the hardest thing for

me that she she knew what she wanted to

do now you’d change in life and she

never got to do that I think that’s one

of the key things have changed me saying

that you know you don’t know what’s

gonna happen in life you know how people

always wait wait for this wake-up call

as such you know he’s gone property

causes in and let the first put the

person at the front you say to you tell

about a story of their life and used to

be about hardship and somebody barber

cam came and how he changed your life a

nice to think oh they look in a way that

this they’ve had something happen in

their life that give him a wake-up call

and they’ve got some new power that

transformed him as a person and made

everything happen for them but it

doesn’t happen like that you know I lost

my sister I mean it didn’t automatically

transform me into this person that’s had

a wake-up call he knock me

six two six four six to be based

basically I I tried to deal with it you

know

by keeping busy first and I just free

myself into my property in the getting

finished anything else and I didn’t get

much time to himself grieve to grieve

and and you know to get over it and then

it wasn’t until about April so I didn’t

even 18 the wife said look we need to

get away and putting a bit of time

together as a family abroad okay let’s

go

and so we get to Egypt and I had a few

drinks and I kind of got back to the

room and I just got his crushed totally

and all this anger just flew out and I

was like God and I just shouting in

every way we’ve done this to us while

playing games of us you know tragic hard

life just as a point where my sister’s

happy we’re all happy mom’s you know

I’ve settle down we’ve what we’ve all

got you know we were married about kids

moms relax for the first time in her arm

life in an alive why are you playing

games with us and why you doing this and

always anger came at it all all totally

towards God and you know I came back and

I just crashed I uh I thought green key

I was watching the World Cup under the

first time you know our drinking on

myself and I’ve never done night my life

and I just totally burned all that stuff

you know from just before having this

book and changing our minds in open

house all went out the window back to a

worse place and I’ve never been horrible

I froze in the dark hole and angry

friends I was angry angry everybody

covenant just angry person

hey you know I was angry friends for not

always asking me how I felt about my

sister

I was angry about you know people not

totally understanding how I feel and you

just I just started going out of control

and expecting some everybody’s to help

me and get me out of this hole and it

does enable you to do something for me

and when they weren’t able to hang with

them and then and then it came to a

point when I said look Jin you need to

control of your life what did you do at

the beginning this year to change you as

you person as a person you need to go

back to the basics and start doing that

you know I can’t you can’t lady sister

down that’s what I basically did

and they’re kind of it back to the

basics Nora okay first of all I need to

find a book I find a book that helps you

deal with grief and it’s specific to me

so I went out looked on found and I

managed to find a book about how to deal

with the loss of a sibling as an adult

is that the exact title because I’m just

conscious if anyone’s gone through a

similar situation to yourself yeah I

mean that’s cool because there’s many

books that talk about losing as a child

losing somebody but it’s not many books

as losing your sibling as an adult and

then the book that is the title of the

book and I read through that helped me

understand why I thought were a way I

did how the relationship between my and

my sister is totally different to

anybody and how friends and everything

else wouldn’t understand and that’s why

you know your sibling is the only person

that knows you better than most people

could I seen you as a child growing up

and every stage of your life and that is

an amazing relationship that no not many

people others death understand I call my

friends brothers and I say all the time

and when I say my friends and my

brothers I really mean it and you know

that was part of my sister’s wedding my

close friends that part of my you know

part of everything I bring them around

my house that I’m making part of my

family and I do everything with them but

when they didn’t feel the loss of my

sister the way I felt II always angry at

them was it well she’s your sister too

I get they’re not how come they’re not

morning with like I’m mourning and then

it wasn’t until I read this that port no

they’re like are having my sister was

different was different yeah and then

she’s special and you know obviously I’m

gonna feel that because they didn’t they

weren’t they didn’t grow the way I did

was they did everything that me or my

sister went through together and I think

that kind of optimize really does a star

and then then I started thinking about

more about God and my relationship with

God a lot more and then another thing a

light bulb came and he said and it was

like okay all my life I’ve said God did

this god help me with that

I did this God you’ve got about a hard

life so you owe me you owe me cuz I had

a hard life you need to make this happen

for me this happen committees happened

way and and because I’ve done that I’ve

always gave control to God an external

force and then somebody clicked in my

mind that Jin you need to take control

yourself in your own room life and then

I seen a world Smith video and Will

Smith said there’s a difference between

Fault and responsibilities yeah and it

just clicked in my head again and I

thought okay you know I’m blaming

everybody blame murder blaming everybody

else their areas yeah okay it wasn’t my

fault that haven’t happened to me it’s

not my fault I lost my sister I thought

that a lot of what I said to my dad you

know happened but he’s more

responsibility start control taking

control of my life that is more

especially those with my you know that’s

something I need to do and that’s what I

started doing by taking control of my

life started running again so I did my

miracle morning again I started writing

the book online

another thing I’ve always fought is I

thought I’d seen social medias a

different tool Sydney totally

differently I thought okay these are

amazing

accountability tool and if I post my

story online every single day it’ll make

me do it and I’m just I’m writing my

story so I’ll do my miracle morning

senior Timmy oh good morning spend half

an hour to an hour just writing one or

two pages of my story and I continue

doing that and then you know please

don’t always want to do I had all these

dreams I think I wanna do I’m gonna

start doing them now I know I could’ve

quit talking about him I’m gonna stop

doing them so before I know I’ve written

my book your forty thousand words

you know next year I’m gonna publish it

and 2019 I’m gonna sit down again put

into chapters you know and the book

gonna be called the beikoku

because I bet that’s where he’s been for

me you know there’s been lots of wake-up

calls in my life and you know it’s it’s

gonna be of a twist to it because you

know people always wake white with

Michael Corbitt run tell you that you

don’t need the wake-up call to change

your life and the white book or does not

net mean that you just change life my

dad had lost his brother that could have

been his wake-up call but my dad was he

a victim you know journeys on life

upside down even more so you know that

don’t worry learn that Michael Cordes I

know I think this was one of the main

reasons I kind of want to join the show

as well is because okay you’ve had

plenty of wake up cause I’m sure people

will understand you’ve not had the

easiest of lives but I always myself as

well I almost trying to tell people do

not wait for something bad to happen

I tend to find that if there’s a bad

event or something happens in say for

instance a family for example then all

of a sudden everyone’s live in a life of

gratitude for the next week and you know

they’re really grateful for the little

things in life but then very very

quickly we kind of just get consumed

back into like normal reality I suppose

or like the rat race or whatever you

want to call it and we just forget you

know and then in priority start changing

whereas I’m very conscious because

similar to yourself I mean I can’t say

my life the same as you all we’ll have

our own trials and tribulations but I’ve

always just tried to live with gratitude

even in the good and bad times and I

suppose it’s come from reading and stuff

but your book sounds fantastic I know I

know you would do something I didn’t

know you had written 40,000 whereas and

I’m sure it’s gonna be a big hit mate

because you’re not just you’re not just

doing a course or reading something and

I’m writing a book about it like a lot

of people out there do today you’ve

lived it and one of the things which I

think people will resonate with this yes

you understand the whole aspect of

control in your life and taking

responsibility and accountability

because only you can do that but you’re

also showing your vulnerabilities in

that you had it under control then you

went away I think it was in April 2018

and you lost it again

then you grasped it again and it’s

almost like you know the answers but

then even even yourself with all the

mindset and the reading and all the

habits you still fall off a little bit

and I suppose it’ll get easier

and I suppose sooner or later you will

nail it down and you have less of these

kind of falling off the wagon shall we

call it moments but it’s inspiring it’s

it’s something I’m sure a lot of people

go through and a lot of people have that

kind of is it the victim mentality as

opposed to the victim as you you’ve got

in somewhere in you I can feel this you

don’t wanna let your sister down and I’m

confident you’re not letting her down

knowing the person that you are seeing

your transformation I just want to add

one more thing I remember seeing your

first Facebook live videos and we were

friends at the time and nice to watch it

I used to think this isn’t the gin oh no

like did you know I know you know when

we sit together and we go out you’re fun

you’re laughing you’re smiling and there

was almost like an element of hurt and

anger or it could just be that was five

o’clock in the morning I’m not sure but

it was weird because I was like people

need to see the real gin and it’s only

recently and I’m very proud of you for

this because in the last two or three

months especially

you’ve kind of come out your shell and

you’re almost

getting a bit of a following now which

is more than well deserved because

you’ve been through it and one of the

things I knew you always wanted to do

1224 months ago was to help people and

just generally inspire people and I

think you have in those in the

background I’d always keep him there a

bit like my first YouTube video as I

keep him there because I want people to

know listen myself and Jin for example

we were naturally shy introverted people

who didn’t know what was going on almost

looking around the world thinking do we

belong here should we be telling people

a story and this is one of the reasons I

really wanted you to kind of tell your

story because it’s only gonna expand

you’re only gonna inspire more people

with it so the question was gonna ask

was about adversity first he’s been a

massive part of your life with like your

sister and your uncle and your dad so

I’m gonna just kind of bypass that just

ever so slightly but if you could just

quickly just give it like one tip so I

know you use the book as an example

which really helped you overcome the

grief aspect but if there’s somebody

going through something now or if

somebody out there has a friend or

family member who’s going through what

would you recommend to them because I

know I spoke to you briefly about this

would you want people to come and speak

to you about your sister or your father

or would you prefer it was just kind of

swept under the carpet like the elephant

in the room yeah that’s a good point

really because a lot of people like

people that even speak to me it’s all

about it

you know the never said a word and for

me that that that that was worse I

because you know it’s always there now

people might be daunted peak to about it

on a racy or I don’t have heard that

person by bringing a memory back up but

you have to remember when you lose

somebody you never always always there

it never goes away saying you’re not

gonna bring that memory back up you’re

not gonna hurt me in any way you know

it’s there he’s not hasn’t gone away so

join me and asking me how I feel you

showing me that you you know it’s not

going away and you you’re interested in

how I’m feeling and I’m thinking okay

thank you for that I think that’s useful

because myself as well I’m guilty of

this myself is that you kind of feel

should I bring it back up again but I

think you’ve hit the nail on the head

there this is a part of you now like

your sisters loss is always going to be

a part of something like you just said

you it’s a daily thing isn’t it so

I’d tell you eight people who are

perhaps going through the same kind of

emotions or seeing someone they’re

struggling with to kind of try maybe

take that advice on board I’m not saying

it was the same but it would certainly

help most people okay if I test it thank

you for that Jude I just want to just

move this over a little bit what is your

biggest fear I know you’re a father and

I’ve seen your daughter’s they’re

adorable and you might say something

about them I’m gonna cheat here and

you’re not allowed to mention your wife

or your two daughters so what is your

biggest fear I think I’m always been

scared of heights

okay I’ll get really nervous if I’m

going to a certain height oh I said my

wife and I we get too happy about it I

said I’m really scared of heights I’m

gonna gon do a parachute drop next year

and I go if I do that and that’s one of

the biggest gay things I’m scared of

then I won’t get on be scared on my

chest so let’s not run persuader

but going a bit deeper you know that

that’s one thing I think a lot of people

are scared of heights and what’s other

things yeah but going a bit deeper pink

for me I don’t want to wake up you know

one day when I’m you know 60 70 years

old and say I wish I did

I wish I did this or wish I did that we

should do this oh that’s that’d be the

worst thing for me

I thought our druthers I’d rather wake

up at that point I you know I did this

but he didn’t work or it did work but

you know at least Detroit yeah I’d

rather be in that position and you know

I want to be I want to be an integration

tomorrow you know I said don’t mention

your wife and children is much worse you

know I wanna inspire them is what much

as anybody else and I won’t be much of

an inspiration if I’m sitting there 60

70 years old saying I wish I did this

always I did the poor didn’t envelope Oh

fantastic great points okay so there

you’ve heard it that is the buzzer this

is the fun part of the show so if you’re

still with us thank you

what I’ve got is a whole heap of

questions that I’m gonna run through for

the next 60 seconds and it’s up to Jin

to try and answer as many as possible so

Jen are you ready ready three two one

okay the ability to fly or be invisible

invisible when are your fame fame

Netflix are YouTube they play coiling or

texting take it in Coke or Pepsi Pepsi

would you rather know how you would die

or when you were dying how Christmas or

birthdays their plays your coffee take

summer or winter summer your favorite

place in the whole wide world Hong Kong

speak all languages or be able to speak

to animals whole languages if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be

poverty Facebook and LinkedIn Facebook

would you be able to read minds or

predict the future predict the future

have you ever been in a fight

oh we are actually coming towards the

end of the show now there’s so much more

that I could speak to gin about and

hopefully I can get him back on the

podcast just to kind of maybe delve a

little bit more into the whole the

adversity side because if you could take

anything away from this podcast is that

whatever your current situation is

whether it’s worse or whether it’s the

same or slightly better than Jin’s

current circumstances is that there is

light at the end of the tunnel and I

think gin shows that 1/3 is

accountability in moving forward in his

actions but two he’s now becoming a very

successful property investor he’s now

attracting a lot of investors so we’re

definitely gonna move it over to the

final question so the final question I

have today is if there was a book and I

know actually you’re gonna be creating

your book next year but let’s just say

there was a book written by somebody

let’s call it your guardian angel

somebody looking over your shoulders

he’s seen everything you’ve been through

in life and they’ve written a book about

you unless say in 150 years time science

fails to save us or and people are still

reading books what would the blurb of

the book

tell us about Jeannette well so I hope

it would take him in like this I would

say that Dean was a man that had my

child keeping his life

however never-never net life beat him

down he always got up and dusted himself

off and kept moving forwards

he was an inspiration to us all that you

only have two choices in life really to

get knocked down and stay down or get up

and keep going he chose to keep going I

mean lady did do that because it wasn’t

only a great husband father brother and

son

he’s also a great human being he knew

how easy purpose was in life and that

was to help young children suffering

from hardship have a better life and he

stuck to that and he made many a man

made that crew for many children

you understood Roy’s purpose was he’s

bigger than him so he couldn’t stop

going Wow I’ll tell you what if I see

that glyph I’d certainly pick it up and

I just want to add to that he was also a

great friend as well so truly from the

heart so there you have it guys that’s

an unbelievable story one riddled with

ups and downs which is still being

written and I think that’s the most

exciting thing because Jin is still

writing his story and I hope many of you

find that inspiring enlightening and I’m

sure Jin wouldn’t mind I’ll put you on

the spot here a little bit if you

reached out to him if you ever want to

speak to him so what I’m gonna do is if

you could just Nuttall just for the

viewers if they want to reach out to you

where is the one best place to find you

and just personal message me on Facebook

I don’t like them definitely always

epital if I can inspire somebody and

help them in any way I can on their

great way fantastic there you go guys

Jin well find him over on Facebook thank

you Jin for your time and as always

people thanks for listening thank you

and remember this podcast is absolutely

free so all we ask in return is for you

to share this with a friend and drop us

a five star review over on iTunes have

an awesome day

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