Why happiness is a choice #34

Why happiness is a choice #34

“The Hopeless, Homeless Hero” by Dave Heffernan #34

Tagline: “Control the controllables”

Dave Heffernan, has such an inspiring story. From the age of 5 his life has been about indirect selfless service linked so closely to adversity. it has seen him, become used to death at such a young age. It has seen him, cope with grief, death, homelessness and violence. Yet amongst all this, what Dave shows the best is that we all have a choice. He chooses gratitude, positivity and happiness. Dave has a perspective and mindset that I we can all benefit from to truly improve our own mental health and well-being.

Now a pioneer for mental health and wellness, Dave is making a larger impact on the world and it was a privilege to have him on the Find Your Voice Podcast. He is truly sharing his voice. Dave and I also spoke, briefly in this episode but more so prior to it about his health conditions too. He will inevitably (as told by medical professions) become paralysed. Yet even At that moment he found a silver lining and now pushes further to help serve as many people as he possibly can. This show is about people like Dave. This episode is a blueprint for what Find Your Voice is all about.

I urge you all to follow his story below:

Some key discussion points:

  1. Making peace with your decisions
  2. Finding the positives in adversity
  3. How to control the controllables
  4. The importance of listening
  5. Improving our Mental health

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to Dave:

Website: https://daveheffernan.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daveheffernanltd/ (page)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/david.heffernan.969 (personal)

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daveheffernanspeaker

Pippa transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of your life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what’s going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I am delighted to have to bring to you today a pioneer for mental health and wellness but more importantly than that a guy who truly cares and that’s how would so what Dave although Dave himself actually because I’m self the hopeless home is hero and when I asked him one of the questions that run the show but he’s so much more than that you see Dave has had to deal with adversity pretty much his whole life and I’m talking everything such as death grief abuse homelessness and even violence yes one of the things I love about Dave is he’s attitude and the way he touches meanings to the events that happened in his life because after all we all go through adversity but we always have a choice you see we have a choice of whether where a victim weather where a Victor and Dave explains choices in relation to always try to be the Victor and always try to see gratitude in that moment he does that incredibly now we only touched on some of these adversities in life and I’m sure you’re gonna agree that he’s life highs definitely had its fair share of troubles and obstacles but one of the things that I really acknowledged about David are really was grateful that he was able to share not just with me but hopefully with you guys as well was his mind set his mind set is fantastic and whatever hits him he’s always finding that silver lining and that is what makes him such a special character I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode I ended you or to follow his journey after this because I have learned so much and even since recording this my whole perception has changed dramatically to order the cards that I have been dealt so without further ado let’s get this interview on the way okay brand so I’m extremely excited today to welcome Dave on to the show where we’re gonna be hearing about his incredible story but more important even than a focus on choices now the theme of choices will become more apparent as we obviously dive into this episode but I think before we begin I’d like to face the welcome Dave to the show and Dave how you doing today I’m all the plans are you I’m very well thank you very well so if you wouldn’t mind Dave could you kindly give us a summary about you story really in terms of what got you through life and where you are today yes certainly well I grew up in a place called out sold which the self Graham I’m just that and it was actually described in a channel four documentary as being one of the roughest council station hold your and my house bordered solve the dogs we all saw the docks which is now sell the keys weather ABC immediate six years I and as a five year old needs to go over there on the owner just watch the ships in the way because it was just a magical place I am a ball parks on the aces the docks closed down and would not thousands upon thousands of them on the plugs and skilled workers and so it became a very rough and crime with in place I am SO at age five I became an altar boy and I’m a local church with the promise girl I was with and I said my very first funeral five years old which is not normal I know only a lot my life a lot of people say that’s not normal and and you know what is normal and the day is you know how you base your expenses and which becomes normal GA I sell other age five assimilationist funeral and between the age of five and a S. there go with four hundred funeral soccer game quite used to death and grief a very early age in this site really shades I am a life on several of a poem about life choices I am at but what it did allow me is on the edge of a gain on official grief counselor although she said next to me just bought a house out and I always say yes all the canal provides the walk could do was listen now I support and help hundreds of people have been suicide over the last few years and the biggest thing I could dig and anybody could do to save people’s lives I’m not so just help people three mental health issues is the lesson about sequence in my mouth for a reason and so between the age may in nineteen the sent over four thousand funerals so I would consider myself an expert on grieving and death I am moving forward about three death threats seven three broken jaws to over the game itself and I’ve identified the young forcing you all pressed you your words when and many years ago was now each way okay and so a lot of variance in my life and every single explains I abroad I don’t say that was a plus seven was a learning K. that could be taken from it I’m thinking of my experiences from a very young age I was able to and won the strategy is consistent with in my life which is now coming to I am now as a mental health and well being consoles and waking the likes the football association in Manchester I working wrestling condemn isn’t just out in the sun life basically why are not fascinated so I see some of the stuff you mentioned there wasn’t some of the summary that you gave me when we previously spoken so much the god that you did that because it’s given me a bit of an insight into some of the questions actually was preemption to ask you on the show so five years old you’ve almost become an official grief counselor now you just said it yourself that isn’t really considered normal especially as we’re kind of in that stage were very my double the car just finding out who we are I want to ask you a little bit but not then so do you feel that has had a negative impact on your life growing up in terms of how you’ve handled it what do you think that you are better equipped for the investor no I got don’t see negativity that’s all because I didn’t know dot wasn’t normal no that was my life and so you just go through life specialists of Jim gauge just accessing this is what it is you know kids of a guard out just putting his respect so just saying all is calm of it you know kids are very resilient and we don’t give them the credit they deserve and so by you walking into the church I’m yes I remember the very first time I did it I remember clearly the coffin was higher than me I was calling government and all citizens not and then it was a quite intimidating you know the five year old I am for it was you know is currently building you know when you’ve got a hundred and twenty one one thirty people all crying four five six years old as you know all I could day was focused on what I was doing about sign site with the job site with the for the priest that whatever is fed in all of them the bread and the wine our weather is sad the holy communion or whatever it may be and may our number must process in my bonus and you know but with a four month on this I just have to be present and focus on what was then in the now and not with what was happening all that in the future you know so backtracked Cassie any negativity it’s all about it you know it’s how you is how you shape your experiences and how you react to them absolutely absolutely and I think you also to turn a brilliant point is all we talked about listening not fully enough out you just released a very short episode this week about listening but not so much in terms of the mental health perspective which is what you’ve touched on and the reason I think that is an important point I just wanna raise a gain but you said is because my mom suffered with chronic depression she still does for the the best part of eight years so up until eight years ago meant to have to be wasn’t really it wasn’t important from completely honest it wasn’t part of my life was a Pontiac on these life as obviously I’ve started to live with someone are you my best friend who’s not going through this stuff obviously became more aware and the more I speak to people with mental health heads above the premise behind the show as well the more I realize is that you’ve hit the nail on the head that listening is so important sometimes they don’t want you to you instantly trying to fix that problem will solve it sometimes it just wanna sound board just for you to hear a man that you want is to actually feel like they might and their opinions matter something must be for that you said that and just in your line of work as well I can imagine how important it is for you to observe doing that as well as Muslim parts and the thing is what people going through depression is very real you know you get a lot of motivation speaking you gotta live people or therapist how often the pace you know I don’t want to come here as a ball of therapists pedal faith you know and they give you a little bit to the field it faster I have talked about the private side of things rather than so then I just sighed and we’ll give you a little bit to make you feel that that’s about let me still list what if what if what if and then also bring these people living in or can’t get out as at least to be with this life is a lot more and why there is my top line is my job is to be out of a job you know if I got somebody six months five on three months down the line on the still suffering and I’m doing something clearly wrong you know I’m not giving them the best and the support I could possibly give them I saw by listening you know is one of three things in all three things are prevalent within and depression anxiety not a fait regret off again this line based on my experience lost right by that is you know I see this on a daily basis I thought of it I’m sizes bit based fed weapon what if you know why because long do you know where to go out and everybody lost whatever may be I saw by listening to these people and allowing them to get let go of the package I’m not sure judging them it’s got to be without judgment absolutely and by allowing them to be how the space is a space you can find out where the language in the town is fed riven all regret that right now is to begin this issue that sells all somebody sauces motion of physically I think that’s how I get to the root cause quickly by listening I had a language had its own I listen to the words of using I don’t sideways favorite graphic given this within dive straight into it cost on passing this really really useful to know I think obviously for people listening as well nine one the point desperate so just also is on a one to ask a question I’m not sure if it’s actually relate to the profession that you’re doing now you mentioned that you had death threats broken Joe was is that because of the line of work you do know is is this going back to your previous chartered when you came up in a rough area and a half and half really and trouble follows me I don’t know why okay so far I think what it is I I just Constand justice and I’m not one of these and that can walk away from situations where somebody is being done by and I saw one example was I was working in our reach and projects in the red light district in Manchester I was working one young girl for seeing kilo he was sometimes harrowing shoes in a real estate eyes came as no one wants to Dave I need to die now our support people who want to die I’ve only ever had one who needed to die and so we what would have about three months trying to get the whole parking arise Irish gay buys me about three most lasers at Dave I wanna make a meal I want to go back in childcare so we arranged to meet the next day to Gary begins this should be for mobile phones and it’s that so we can just pick up the phone is a lot of orders get out of it I saw we arranged a meeting the next day she panicked and told him what your plans a date I’m robin like Dolly downs in petrol and then all life so I get I get the calls going I’ve been spotted shingles body has just job remains is mostly when the size of a safe I am and so I went straight in saying the red light districts can for this pain now this guy was a six foot four black you making out he was huge and I will I will I look back it five or six outside one day you know looking a little bit in this and I and you know one of the day one of best advice I can give anyone is don’t make decisions when you’re stressed I was extremely stressed out point anyway instead right out me and he left me for that he got me a job and is that a lot of services you back to my steak and I will tell you now I want a job very depressed chin off the lot I tried to kill myself it was half onto the vans while back at it I am a ball I had so much guilt and shame because all I kept on thinking about was why if I were to go out one night she pushed open a life but when I was back in the also by days and does not yield I actually asked the priest I am when I was eight years old and how to live a life no regret it all gets on him with these people saying I wish I want to spend more time with that as an hours were spent more time with him Hey all which is about the argument and the presets miss its image to make peace with the decisions they still alive no regrets I made these re dozens immediately but I’m Bob if you were done it with a sound mind but it and even if it wasn’t a sound mind occasion extremely stressed on groups high on whatever then you wasn’t a place on mind in order to be able to regret if that makes sense because on happened I sell for about three months I was in depression pockets and trying to find the positive captain John’s final engagement and it was so difficult but then I realized control controls about time we could not logistically got Hallam I’d like to spend one night it was impossible I was amazed at how quickly the relief comes upon you when you start seeing the pasta sauce in the landing gear and what you could control them we can’t control I’m gonna start thinking about and you know what she was going through at the last moment in their life I don to me nobody CAD hi there was only fifty he watched as shown any signs of carrots in their life I’m not gave me a sense of empowerment when I thought you know what I’m doing good you know what and she was dying at least she would have really realize that there’s always one person cannot support life on the line to help I’m not coming through you know I don’t give myself and feeling the guilt and shame also for giving the painful why did the big gap ball just to disassociate out pay not he wants to make the case as a result of his actions and tried to kill myself or went to depression I and you know nobody should have that power I had given him I’m not so mad good three for moms of run allies and we never single day until it felt natural I am ultimately you know the pain was taken away once I gave some regret fanfic given this in the three if you can get and that along your life will be so content and stress free I can show you Dave that’s up to the amazing give you resonated with me there on so many points I mean I’ve got a numerous amount of things I want to talk about I think first as we say it’s very odd mobile in terms of what you did you know you did everything that you could to try to try and help that poor Gail so I’m very very glad that you managed to forgive yourself afterwards I’m just on the forgiveness side in terms of what the pimp did and you said you forgave someone the reason that resonates with me is because I was a soldier left for that as well and it was it was a crossroads in my life and I probably didn’t go to the same extent of depression obviously my circumstance was slightly different but one of the things I would say is that when I forgave that pace and and I disassociated that paid more my life became so much better I I was able to find beauty in stuff again I met my wife I I’m things despite changing for me massively and forgiveness I don’t know if this is a male thing I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a stubborn passing growing up and it’s just my character it was difficult there was there was ego attached to it doesn’t wash off to give somebody else and is what you just said they had power over me and the moment I kind of I actually it roll it out myself and finally to fight you sent on Facebook because I knew the person was and I wrote a message saying I must be forgiving you for me not not yourself because I I’m not even sure if that person remembers it first always to if that yeah if the categories below that I need to do this for me and when I did that according spend it was almost like instant dot I had this relief over me so I I think this view from I’m so glad that you’ve done that but it just shows I mean you she said trouble follows you initially I was thinking what is Dave up to on his case but I to be what you are trying to do is that you just try and save and I get you I get that feeling of injustice when you fill that especially I think when somebody else who’s the more helpless than yourself is in this situation getting taken advantage of I think another thing I just want listens to really take home from it other than the three important things that day stresses control the controllable was yeah and if I may do a quick segue then I want to speak about the stuff that you told me prior to coming on the show which is obviously what we haven’t touched on but I think a game is definitely going to add some value to Alice this so if it’s alright with you Dave just in terms of some of the health complications because there was a pivotal point when you made a choice and it’s not choice I really want to kind of delve into and what this this to kind of take a lesson from the from me yes so other what we’re talking about here is the C. functions and other health I am so years ago a spy game breathless and make up the point where I can even by the bike down hill without being out of breath I’m and I went to see the doctor is in the got the same cost my no you haven’t yes how many got a boy I never actually got back Klaas about so we lose not strange and we’ve got that class of dogs and the doctor actually can there are protests do we really know allow us man we did the COPD test which I’m never smoking a lives on it wasn’t anything that never would rust vessels and I lock for what he did get a build out awesome and so they said yeah you got something going on we along so well since it along to someone someone someone console and said yeah you got out of time as far as you sent by one costly and now it sucks out the eight percent by one class A. IRA got paralyzed die from well they don’t believe the standalone so sexual and mountain religious then and the knowledge that all the tests tomorrow said yeah you’ve got Iran Iraq from all your own disease Sargon from last night yes it’s a box the moms come must match the Harmonia owns these anyway so I was on day six times a day and plus Martina was I was like a zombie it was horrendous I was moments in every day and most ineffective headaches we’ve got such a you know I can do the basic things like going to flow in the children play jigsaws I think also point why apple only hearing of the moment is no no no when the bodies are asking the simple basic docked things play football or may do this do not I have all the people of Bob let’s say no you know and so a long time sampling insight and how the topless Raquel Altamira Hache bottom side effects now through my experiences well you know what I’m I’m quite blocking why I’m very good at taking the emotion now situations now looking at the fox and I thought you know what black and white I would rather be in pain and broke free and be in pain I have a lot of books in the system out and side effects so I said to my wife is a rock coming up on the topless and I came up from overnight I she she was there in the old up room he gonna die you gonna die yeah I said you know what the only person in control of may is may you know I don’t mean about why are negative ways for I’ve got to make the right decision to make my body I when you look at how the body works anyway isn’t is a genius to recall we just abuse it you know I know you know there is hope that we can fix so many things and we just feel it right and actually you know do the meditation do the yoga do whatever needs to take as a fuel line so how about ten days of shit hell it was horrible balls in a spot left in the fog closing was coming I could stop walking about federal occurs logging on the floor playing the kids I’m once you get a little bit of hope was amazing no big the light is you know you start seeing the future again stop seeing what’s happening a soul as I get a bit more of a better quality of life and they’re all just because of the free I was honestly and all about eight weeks ago I am my back is been called me a lot of pain and so I went for an MRI and engine I’m all right and they said the August of a spinal canal stenosis which also means I will to power lines at some point now I’ve just put me back I watched in those couple days I’m not able to walk properly it’s been a nightmare I am I saw once okay so and in the seventh year private canceling because the NHS about eighteen weeks and then he somehow manages and I said look awake in mental health did you know cost I just called to say that is I don’t want all through her bedside manner when is his worst of anywhere and you may as well talking to dignitas because at least you got nice holiday Swithland I am and for those who don’t know what the process is is the place where people go to end the life legally in Switzerland and why is basically saying is because of my lungs and the way the violin capacity is one on your own everything else he said there was a hundred percent chance of death on the operating table so the choice I was now faced with was desktop Rosi’s which you know not many people help us all Giles in the life is usually showing up at economic I’m as I’m with Josh and I have a I and my overall overwhelming and emotional about signing wasn’t one of mine and stress it was actually graduate and banks eyelash ISIS shook him by the hand of the Jenny when I thank you from the bottom half of the way you’ve explained it to me and it looks a bit shocking if you use them well if you were to said there was a sixty percent chance of dying on the table but not may well have been going through my mind constantly which were struck by the time away from my kids my stretches time with my kids I wouldn’t think about it my way is it worth the risk where is now you said you got homes and John the dying it’s taking not this is not my hands now provoke someone I want to focus on which is a plus the things in my life I can still have a relationship when the boys in a wheelchair account of him that you know so that’s all I think again there’s always something to be grateful fall it’s just we don’t want to look for it very sorry to hear you consistent house from was there but I just think it’s B. for how you or somebody who’s been faced with those adverse to all this trouble and stuff and you still see the gratitude side of it and this was at you while I want to speak about the star of the show but you got to answer the question and I think it lies in the hundred percent that the console came back with so when they said you had a hundred percent they took that decision out of your hands and obviously you were left with one choice but even so then I still think you made an incredible choice that I think the list is content value from is that it’s very easy to sit and feel sorry for yourself I think why me I don’t deserve this the world’s after me I’m always trying to be a good person I’m always trying to do good stuff was a calmer this broad just think is be for that the first thing that came in your mind was okay cry shoot what kind of take from this wall the positives from this and this is kind of all want the show to be about we’re going to be hit with life you know from different time people had bought cards out to assess and time some ways to know this but it’s about one supposed to that we can just draw from this what moment off hoping you system debut for a year on his bike and hope back in that little girl is always let’s get the whole back in our eyes as well as individuals this is a question you know you say why many people it’s not a question that you can I sell why not me yeah you know what makes me so special why I should get the address Yala stress all whatever you know the end of the day I truly believe we we only given what we can handle via email and I’m very I’m using this as a way of spreading the message out like you know what no my how things get yeah there’s a quote by Jim Rohn one moments also I think he’s just a genius I am I am one of those quotes and all I’m paraphrasing a little bit below a side and after every recession this growth of the darkest hour blow is symbolized you can’t get the glory can’t get the really good stuff yeah without going through the doctor’s is it possible that we all are stressed now live we can’t do anything about but what we can do is how we react to it what we can change our reacts like and I don’t see that is not one single person I can give me and an experience our situation where I will not be able to find a possible landing gear from every single aggressively both very expensive often will have a positive on a landing path absolutely I think that’s a brilliant analogy in general is obviously one of my mentors as well as you were saying that was almost thinking very quickly let the adversity that I’ve been through enough though about how much wiser and how much more resilient how much stronger I I’m as a pace and as a result of it and although we in that particular moment you’re you’re going to wish this never happened but I’m so grateful that my whole perception myself awareness and everything that I’ve become over the last three or four years I don’t think would have ever got that just by reading books or watching you two videos sold out in a way I’m grateful for I suppose in and maybe that’s those are the words not because I’ve heard you say that but I am I know you always say you know why not me but it’s very inspiring to his someone like yourself you not your messages to others who share your story out and hopefully change people’s perception and the way that they see the road is on because if you can see from the way you see intent of this is look at the beauty from this let’s just take a lesson from it them I think will be a much much better place definitely for the six okay now obviously your life and Dave is obviously a lot different to you say ten fifteen years ago of C. with health complications this stuff is all and I you got two young boys as well what’s today’s life than for you like a typical day several days I’ll wake up in a guarantee that me eight year old eighties and Solomon but all laid on the bed next was involved the wife and the son and of the self control and it is extremely caring loving my twelve year old he’s got this box here and and is on the autistic spectrum and got some eleven to go is and is now is say Thailand good lately well day now when nobody is looking and but yeah he’s just bombed by use of that the first thing people say I am a which gives me the Spanish right away to get open stop doing and is it you know I would be racism drop into the question you know we’re only a fine line between depression not the question and and so seen those in the morning and it gives me a strand stretch the Waco best thing to do is I’ll just lie in bed and I’ll list off in my mind and that will mean changes after the day and also walk I’m grateful fall before he went off and I am a great fan of visualizing and and just understanding now let me out of control of how our day and happens and then I’ll go downstairs of breakfast and usually the Bosnian skill and I always say the fast off hours right now it’s just meditate and you know I can meditate with boss people talking to me I can just jump into it now and and then I’m ready for the day a lot of the day and the the first question I always ask guaranteed when I stopped into wet mold is you can help that’s the first question I always ask yourself why he can help it’s not about money is not about fighting you know a lot of my life has been bouncing around in the background now I mean I’m not now I’ll set this business of in the last year or so Abbas available in the form of in the background and you know the signs when why who don’t realize this I am at all I then think about well actually doing this all thing I’m going to speak in say a hundred people off thousand people which you know even if it’s only five percent of the people want to take on board what site basta lot change now so yeah the border and the solving the bass and I I don’t have I don’t go through life with a plan now and I’m not I’m not a big plus I just say I just take off to anywhere Jim this is I am a tree everybody’s equal and respectful I and thank you know good things are tracking go things to me so what is your intentions and what version you know forget about how you get that they also self out devil of that message I think cam is something all I preach quite a bit as well in terms of intent is all and I just absolutely love your intense for the day are you cannot how and I can see that this genuine it’s authentic obviously from hearing your box story in terms of see the work that you’ve done even now it’s it’s it’s a selfish thing it’s not like a promotional thing in terms of Hey look at me it’s kind of let you guys let me help you move forward in life is on a really really do like that and I think we are in a society in I’m not here to kind of go off on a rant and stuff but there are people he manipulate people quite on social media in terms of trying to even make a ball I said things always almost like tell themselves and if you really grinds my gears it January does because I think I obviously come from a similar situation to yourself a lot of the the work I’ve done I’ve always tried to be selfless because I’m Linda from a mobile homes foster care she’s adopted kids she was a nice a whole life why then gave a very lucrative job to become a social worker trying to change the world as a sort of a cat realize you quickly I could do that I have brothers and sisters at you from the foster care system you have got waters and special needs so a lot of my life has always been about savings and even this podcast itself is truly is a passion project my sole purpose when I do this episode is kinda just Spock one paces mine today and I’ve always done the and from the moment I released it irrespective of mild is always in the way of my accent was will be starring Anna being or the long I was I hopefully I can give someone dot of maybe inspiration that if I can do they can do more employees gay people it yourself on to the show to really change their perspective and make them realize actually we need to come by our excuses we need to face off is because that’s where that’s for the beauty lies in life and I’m sure they respect them for the bad things are going on in your life I’m sure even a much better place especially between your is that in your mind right not having suffered everything that you saw fit and the reason I asked about the routine is always because I’m a firm believer that we all results of the hobbits not before when a daily basis so it’s nice to see you obviously how liberating gratitude you’ve got your kids stay the ship instant inspiration not sure why that gets you out of bed on in the meditation a game that is something that I really need to work on so the fact that you can just going to meditation at any stage I’m assuming it’s because you’ve been practicing it for a long time yeah yeah stop it absolutely absolutely so think of just one particular instance date just for the the laces of when you paid for investigate it could be something that you already mentioned or it could be something completely different but what I want you to do is actually give us one thing that maybe somebody who has a similar predicament or similar scenario where they can say actually I can relate to that yes whatever experience and we go through and a lot of my experience is a lot of people comes afterwards all my life for the past year or so yeah for me for a long way because I don’t really think is exciting and ball I think one of the things that have the biggest impact on me and people will so I relate to this war the been threw themselves on the scene on the news is when I was homeless and is a huge story at the moment being homeless and then I was sixteen on time when I was done on the house and my first night we spend ninety nine to this wall so what does he once he is running with all those years ago and I and my first night was spent in a very small great been shot full of cobwebs side there is but one dollar range run this on the clock and I was thrown out by and the reason why I was blown out is because I am I wanted to be a volunteer I wanted to sell the chalk at club and also went broke I am done once been a gallon he wants to escape self and the club address and I don’t want to stay in self in the bay of address and as always was a log heads and we didn’t see eye to eye in just three now the house so for two years more showers living above Rubino squats in cemeteries Simon pop and she is but during this time and I was all the dog inside the thought you know what why the plane going bottom down south saying sorry out in a gallon when it’s a yes the knocking about shock at about one assault you know and one thing I always advocate is delayed I just yourself no no my you comes out of your life goes out you live as usual a lot a selling point as well as a lot of depression happens a lot mental health issues because you’re not living it yourself you live in the store with other people and making out I am and so I was quite adamant that I wanted to get a shock at club morning because we have no internet no phones I got Dave that’ll get signposted surveys jocks all counseling while yeah I just went to my plan I saw knocking on doors asking for money for the shock at club I and I one point I was in the same clothes I’ve been in about three months I was seriously on the white and I was still going on the doors and the receipt about two and a half thousand knows a lot of rejection because why would anybody gave a sixteen year old money is quickly close you know some money for his jock at gold is for drugs clearly now that’s what I was thinking and so I met this guy yeah the council and said you know I want it’s going to I watch yes games and now I really want to get a shock at global warming I and he helped me with that a business plan to go back to these offices to show them the business plan and see where and get the money I wouldn’t twenty five knocks about twenty five yes isn’t enough money to get a job at a club morning which is incredible join up out of the nose you know and then there’s a great picture that we see on the internet somebody dig in this year’s splice so my Dick in was a minute walking away another friend is apart goals I am is I always believe is out the darkest hour his generals and out the darkest hour anything you know what about people just get a bit more he’s not this way the excitement is about when is when you want to give all I’m just a you know watch Lamar knocks one more email one more call us when a locked in when you are the lowest because just testing you see what you really want to and all I so I got this job that global warming and the plastic he’s always the council and they run into the ground with a mostly closed now I can enjoy the controls I was emotionally spent on this point I was drained it was gone and I was in hospital as well on its own and was known under white magician why you want to call it I am at bottle everything all my energy into getting the shock a clock now what I learned from not a is you know see three to the very end now if you’ve got someone of your passion about see three other very and and if you don’t as much as you can and you can no more just make peace it is not gonna really made in semi better you know I mean Paul I recognized by gone as far as the court I can’t control the people’s behavior you know and that behavior was I want money from their offices to regenerate itself but to put money into the council offices not to sell jog or clubs no I did exactly what I need to do I just I made I am my dream trade I am but what Bob was allowed me now is is give me an experience I can fall back on so every time I’m doing a project I make choices available when I pass all over I do my due diligence to make sure all bought you know about products developed developer Larry and get a scapegoat develops at some point may soon now I’m just making sure everything is in place so when I walk away it’s gonna be that in five years time you know but without like Spain’s we’re doing the same mistake again and again and again and again you know Paul I didn’t have and two years was a I was on the street on the sale of the book of data squawks other than almost hospitals you know I’m a mess Billy a silent people you know I’m I like the net almost as Lois offered I’m not block mage was the next number by the federal daily I and I was looking down on them and think you know your skull I’m my first thought was you know what this is my classmates call calmly these are my people I’m in this position so that ball is only fat I get to know them I respect I understand how the docks where they are as I used to ask questions to them and say you know I’ve just said that listens to them and some of the address alike the difference being as I could cope doctors say how could solve the problem analyze it naturally leave me through it which is why they got was not situation of armed robbery and anyway long story Shaw I’ve got a job and may never in a telemarketer place and I hated it with a passion also two days that made one single sale because I didn’t make I am a single phone call I hated it I and I got socks and I went back in and there’s a lot going on Monday when the wages on as a way not game thank you note delays and stock prices big argument honest I’m gonna see this place called a small man and when say it’s for the money which is locked out a few weeks later I got knocked on the door and it was solved is the ID on I was arrested crossing the plate I slash identically smoke so I was placing seven and a half years in prison and I don’t have a clue how or why this is happened by the demo tape the doctor I’ll let you know I know I live by and miss all the pretty much depend on me foremost lasers answering bail and the Saudi offices that don’t even play you can go as a volunteer but more than not and several somebody’s actually own up to it so much contrast it turned out the the drug dealer there was a living wage I had not been arrested and Josh with it down into the police station on is what’s where I can access only substrate going down they did date I think you’re fast seven years now the reason why I say that story is because you’ve got some accounts so he with that to safeguard the children’s future on that strangely round one interested yeah you get the proceeds come on the air the armed robbers look dealer because I treated them respects because I listen to them because I don’t to start well they had a story when they need it save the actual the looked a lot when in and confessed and got some yes free on my behalf you know so lost just shows and from that point on I talk a lot in the connection speak in a subtle about pre judging in business just treat everybody respects organised on the everybody’s got a story your son is being that it’s just yet the golf story the gonna solve issue that we not been able to watch the results themselves problem some slack give them respect say I’m here for you if you want to talk about it if not just walk away by Alicia tried don’t reactionary supports about negative it’s a treat everybody with respect equally and it will come back to have holes in the future a currency that’s yes this is a Dave I understand entirely now what people are saying that life is so boring compared to yours because it’s such an incredible story I just them I get a bit emotional when I just see let people do really good things for people like do this office act so that act there from the seat scum of the earth is just absolutely it’s it’s a beautiful lesson it’s a lesson for us all to obviously take on board and again you’ve you said the right words that we need to call people slack when somebody maybe approaches in the wrong way or that might be having a bad day but if you could just or treat each other with kindness and respect I think the will just be in such a bad place but there’s another brit lesson to gain that you touched on it I want people to take home is persistence two thousand five hundred knows now there’s a lot of us including myself don’t even wanna get rejected once and I think we have to get used to you know where is my perceptions change or not not for example I am in property so the amount of rejection from stages is incredible and I will say not every time again no it’s okay but now one step closer to that yes again it’s just it’s just a note saying I say to myself and not kind of destroys me on to go forward so I think not gain is an incredible less and and on that note we aren’t you going to go into a part of the show which is a very random policial I’m not sure you’ll even aware of this but what I do that is just for about sixty to ninety seconds just a bit of lighthearted fun just to kind of give the listeners I love it more about you just a bit more of a flavor because obviously sometimes the stories can be quite dog so this is just gonna be a bit of lighthearted fun so are you ready I’m ready okay fantastic so we’re gonna stop in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be hate crime Muncie on Monday night many night good choice your favorite hobby read it your biggest role model my sons what would you like to be remembered for the cat your biggest goal this year S. speaking in New York your worst mistake not me the wife early enough if you could relive one day again which they would it be well I didn’t die the ability to fly or be invisible invisible the number one thing that annoys you not by males money or fame now that you’re proudest moment John cat global movement your favorite food that isn’t ships what song best describes your life Elvis Presley walk a mile in my shoes if you had an extra hour day how would you spend it on the bodies Netflix the jeep Eugene your number one piece of advice to your children yes self our favorite motivational speaker calyces I’m finally if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be but one that mom side love that make so how did you find out hot hot again the beautiful thing with this is obviously people can take as long as I want really to answer the questions and all the sudden caught the dead space so it makes you actually look like a must the mind intense anger I answered straight away okay we’re almost at the end is shown I Dave so I’m a fan believe the hindsight is a wonderful thing and upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are quick cash easy at Willis heartache but I’m sure you’ll agree that obviously the Janie teach to so much as well so knowing exactly what you know now if you could take yourself back to younger Dave and whispers something in that person’s yeah what would you say I would go but it’s the first night being homeless find out west in the they all went south they all went sour is yeah everything’s very reason evidence rallies on alphaworks out just a sense of hope yeah it’s just people get you know I don’t know people get bogged down in how how how to get to a place house the this you know if we just relaxed and just trusted Argo and did what we felt was right mmhm then it will never send you in a long path yeah hi my name is and your address pop and you know not very nice pa every single one when I look back and I do mean all of me speaking now I want to die was a look back every single aspect of my life and it’s been like therapy I and I look back a sliding doors moment some water you know what I’m I’m not change anything I think you stories incredible not enough I think we’ve all got a story to be honest yeah we can order back in the console cut the moments is sometimes it is just about actually acknowledging it and not does suddenly bring us on a key to the last question and the last question I always ask one of my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science house to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Dave and it’s not all the way in a wonderful incredible things that you’ve done in life you know the life that you’ve touched firstly what with the title of the book B. and secondly what with the summer at the back tell us about your side of the ball I don’t know and hopeless almost zero I love that yeah Linda and the Blair probably say something light it had an impact some more lives than actually name and it was okay without involved yeah yeah I think that’s brilliant I’m Dave just before we close the show will give the list as a chance love to connect with you via social media channels is there anything that you wish I had asked you today no no it this court is court yes towards pretty much everything okay fantastic well if there is obviously anything people come to connect with you I would definitely order my list is to connect with Dave after the show Dave where is the best place people can reach out and send you a DM life playground Islington and which is Dave happens speaker you can get me on Facebook as well David half men and bought my Facebook page is not talked about moment except Paul manages an online okay fantastic I what we’ll do is always to get day anti links and open the show or not so just to make it easier for everyone they let you have to click it I want to thank Dave for sherry he story seventies vulnerabilities and shown his wisdom fun today show and also wanna thank everyone at home thanks for listening thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

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Private: Why happiness is a choice #34

“The Hopeless, Homeless Hero” by Dave Heffernan #34

Tagline: “Control the controllables”

Dave Heffernan, has such an inspiring story. From the age of 5 his life has been about indirect selfless service linked so closely to adversity. it has seen him, become used to death at such a young age. It has seen him, cope with grief, death, homelessness and violence. Yet amongst all this, what Dave shows the best is that we all have a choice. He chooses gratitude, positivity and happiness. Dave has a perspective and mindset that I we can all benefit from to truly improve our own mental health and well-being.

Now a pioneer for mental health and wellness, Dave is making a larger impact on the world and it was a privilege to have him on the Find Your Voice Podcast. He is truly sharing his voice. Dave and I also spoke, briefly in this episode but more so prior to it about his health conditions too. He will inevitably (as told by medical professions) become paralysed. Yet even At that moment he found a silver lining and now pushes further to help serve as many people as he possibly can. This show is about people like Dave. This episode is a blueprint for what Find Your Voice is all about.

I urge you all to follow his story below:

Some key discussion points:

  1. Making peace with your decisions
  2. Finding the positives in adversity
  3. How to control the controllables
  4. The importance of listening
  5. Improving our Mental health

Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhS

Links to me:

Website: https://www.arendeu.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeu

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singh

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/

Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com

YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y

Links to Dave:

Website: https://daveheffernan.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daveheffernanltd/ (page)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/david.heffernan.969 (personal)

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daveheffernanspeaker

Pippa transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of your life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what’s going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I am delighted to have to bring to you today a pioneer for mental health and wellness but more importantly than that a guy who truly cares and that’s how would so what Dave although Dave himself actually because I’m self the hopeless home is hero and when I asked him one of the questions that run the show but he’s so much more than that you see Dave has had to deal with adversity pretty much his whole life and I’m talking everything such as death grief abuse homelessness and even violence yes one of the things I love about Dave is he’s attitude and the way he touches meanings to the events that happened in his life because after all we all go through adversity but we always have a choice you see we have a choice of whether where a victim weather where a Victor and Dave explains choices in relation to always try to be the Victor and always try to see gratitude in that moment he does that incredibly now we only touched on some of these adversities in life and I’m sure you’re gonna agree that he’s life highs definitely had its fair share of troubles and obstacles but one of the things that I really acknowledged about David are really was grateful that he was able to share not just with me but hopefully with you guys as well was his mind set his mind set is fantastic and whatever hits him he’s always finding that silver lining and that is what makes him such a special character I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode I ended you or to follow his journey after this because I have learned so much and even since recording this my whole perception has changed dramatically to order the cards that I have been dealt so without further ado let’s get this interview on the way okay brand so I’m extremely excited today to welcome Dave on to the show where we’re gonna be hearing about his incredible story but more important even than a focus on choices now the theme of choices will become more apparent as we obviously dive into this episode but I think before we begin I’d like to face the welcome Dave to the show and Dave how you doing today I’m all the plans are you I’m very well thank you very well so if you wouldn’t mind Dave could you kindly give us a summary about you story really in terms of what got you through life and where you are today yes certainly well I grew up in a place called out sold which the self Graham I’m just that and it was actually described in a channel four documentary as being one of the roughest council station hold your and my house bordered solve the dogs we all saw the docks which is now sell the keys weather ABC immediate six years I and as a five year old needs to go over there on the owner just watch the ships in the way because it was just a magical place I am a ball parks on the aces the docks closed down and would not thousands upon thousands of them on the plugs and skilled workers and so it became a very rough and crime with in place I am SO at age five I became an altar boy and I’m a local church with the promise girl I was with and I said my very first funeral five years old which is not normal I know only a lot my life a lot of people say that’s not normal and and you know what is normal and the day is you know how you base your expenses and which becomes normal GA I sell other age five assimilationist funeral and between the age of five and a S. there go with four hundred funeral soccer game quite used to death and grief a very early age in this site really shades I am a life on several of a poem about life choices I am at but what it did allow me is on the edge of a gain on official grief counselor although she said next to me just bought a house out and I always say yes all the canal provides the walk could do was listen now I support and help hundreds of people have been suicide over the last few years and the biggest thing I could dig and anybody could do to save people’s lives I’m not so just help people three mental health issues is the lesson about sequence in my mouth for a reason and so between the age may in nineteen the sent over four thousand funerals so I would consider myself an expert on grieving and death I am moving forward about three death threats seven three broken jaws to over the game itself and I’ve identified the young forcing you all pressed you your words when and many years ago was now each way okay and so a lot of variance in my life and every single explains I abroad I don’t say that was a plus seven was a learning K. that could be taken from it I’m thinking of my experiences from a very young age I was able to and won the strategy is consistent with in my life which is now coming to I am now as a mental health and well being consoles and waking the likes the football association in Manchester I working wrestling condemn isn’t just out in the sun life basically why are not fascinated so I see some of the stuff you mentioned there wasn’t some of the summary that you gave me when we previously spoken so much the god that you did that because it’s given me a bit of an insight into some of the questions actually was preemption to ask you on the show so five years old you’ve almost become an official grief counselor now you just said it yourself that isn’t really considered normal especially as we’re kind of in that stage were very my double the car just finding out who we are I want to ask you a little bit but not then so do you feel that has had a negative impact on your life growing up in terms of how you’ve handled it what do you think that you are better equipped for the investor no I got don’t see negativity that’s all because I didn’t know dot wasn’t normal no that was my life and so you just go through life specialists of Jim gauge just accessing this is what it is you know kids of a guard out just putting his respect so just saying all is calm of it you know kids are very resilient and we don’t give them the credit they deserve and so by you walking into the church I’m yes I remember the very first time I did it I remember clearly the coffin was higher than me I was calling government and all citizens not and then it was a quite intimidating you know the five year old I am for it was you know is currently building you know when you’ve got a hundred and twenty one one thirty people all crying four five six years old as you know all I could day was focused on what I was doing about sign site with the job site with the for the priest that whatever is fed in all of them the bread and the wine our weather is sad the holy communion or whatever it may be and may our number must process in my bonus and you know but with a four month on this I just have to be present and focus on what was then in the now and not with what was happening all that in the future you know so backtracked Cassie any negativity it’s all about it you know it’s how you is how you shape your experiences and how you react to them absolutely absolutely and I think you also to turn a brilliant point is all we talked about listening not fully enough out you just released a very short episode this week about listening but not so much in terms of the mental health perspective which is what you’ve touched on and the reason I think that is an important point I just wanna raise a gain but you said is because my mom suffered with chronic depression she still does for the the best part of eight years so up until eight years ago meant to have to be wasn’t really it wasn’t important from completely honest it wasn’t part of my life was a Pontiac on these life as obviously I’ve started to live with someone are you my best friend who’s not going through this stuff obviously became more aware and the more I speak to people with mental health heads above the premise behind the show as well the more I realize is that you’ve hit the nail on the head that listening is so important sometimes they don’t want you to you instantly trying to fix that problem will solve it sometimes it just wanna sound board just for you to hear a man that you want is to actually feel like they might and their opinions matter something must be for that you said that and just in your line of work as well I can imagine how important it is for you to observe doing that as well as Muslim parts and the thing is what people going through depression is very real you know you get a lot of motivation speaking you gotta live people or therapist how often the pace you know I don’t want to come here as a ball of therapists pedal faith you know and they give you a little bit to the field it faster I have talked about the private side of things rather than so then I just sighed and we’ll give you a little bit to make you feel that that’s about let me still list what if what if what if and then also bring these people living in or can’t get out as at least to be with this life is a lot more and why there is my top line is my job is to be out of a job you know if I got somebody six months five on three months down the line on the still suffering and I’m doing something clearly wrong you know I’m not giving them the best and the support I could possibly give them I saw by listening you know is one of three things in all three things are prevalent within and depression anxiety not a fait regret off again this line based on my experience lost right by that is you know I see this on a daily basis I thought of it I’m sizes bit based fed weapon what if you know why because long do you know where to go out and everybody lost whatever may be I saw by listening to these people and allowing them to get let go of the package I’m not sure judging them it’s got to be without judgment absolutely and by allowing them to be how the space is a space you can find out where the language in the town is fed riven all regret that right now is to begin this issue that sells all somebody sauces motion of physically I think that’s how I get to the root cause quickly by listening I had a language had its own I listen to the words of using I don’t sideways favorite graphic given this within dive straight into it cost on passing this really really useful to know I think obviously for people listening as well nine one the point desperate so just also is on a one to ask a question I’m not sure if it’s actually relate to the profession that you’re doing now you mentioned that you had death threats broken Joe was is that because of the line of work you do know is is this going back to your previous chartered when you came up in a rough area and a half and half really and trouble follows me I don’t know why okay so far I think what it is I I just Constand justice and I’m not one of these and that can walk away from situations where somebody is being done by and I saw one example was I was working in our reach and projects in the red light district in Manchester I was working one young girl for seeing kilo he was sometimes harrowing shoes in a real estate eyes came as no one wants to Dave I need to die now our support people who want to die I’ve only ever had one who needed to die and so we what would have about three months trying to get the whole parking arise Irish gay buys me about three most lasers at Dave I wanna make a meal I want to go back in childcare so we arranged to meet the next day to Gary begins this should be for mobile phones and it’s that so we can just pick up the phone is a lot of orders get out of it I saw we arranged a meeting the next day she panicked and told him what your plans a date I’m robin like Dolly downs in petrol and then all life so I get I get the calls going I’ve been spotted shingles body has just job remains is mostly when the size of a safe I am and so I went straight in saying the red light districts can for this pain now this guy was a six foot four black you making out he was huge and I will I will I look back it five or six outside one day you know looking a little bit in this and I and you know one of the day one of best advice I can give anyone is don’t make decisions when you’re stressed I was extremely stressed out point anyway instead right out me and he left me for that he got me a job and is that a lot of services you back to my steak and I will tell you now I want a job very depressed chin off the lot I tried to kill myself it was half onto the vans while back at it I am a ball I had so much guilt and shame because all I kept on thinking about was why if I were to go out one night she pushed open a life but when I was back in the also by days and does not yield I actually asked the priest I am when I was eight years old and how to live a life no regret it all gets on him with these people saying I wish I want to spend more time with that as an hours were spent more time with him Hey all which is about the argument and the presets miss its image to make peace with the decisions they still alive no regrets I made these re dozens immediately but I’m Bob if you were done it with a sound mind but it and even if it wasn’t a sound mind occasion extremely stressed on groups high on whatever then you wasn’t a place on mind in order to be able to regret if that makes sense because on happened I sell for about three months I was in depression pockets and trying to find the positive captain John’s final engagement and it was so difficult but then I realized control controls about time we could not logistically got Hallam I’d like to spend one night it was impossible I was amazed at how quickly the relief comes upon you when you start seeing the pasta sauce in the landing gear and what you could control them we can’t control I’m gonna start thinking about and you know what she was going through at the last moment in their life I don to me nobody CAD hi there was only fifty he watched as shown any signs of carrots in their life I’m not gave me a sense of empowerment when I thought you know what I’m doing good you know what and she was dying at least she would have really realize that there’s always one person cannot support life on the line to help I’m not coming through you know I don’t give myself and feeling the guilt and shame also for giving the painful why did the big gap ball just to disassociate out pay not he wants to make the case as a result of his actions and tried to kill myself or went to depression I and you know nobody should have that power I had given him I’m not so mad good three for moms of run allies and we never single day until it felt natural I am ultimately you know the pain was taken away once I gave some regret fanfic given this in the three if you can get and that along your life will be so content and stress free I can show you Dave that’s up to the amazing give you resonated with me there on so many points I mean I’ve got a numerous amount of things I want to talk about I think first as we say it’s very odd mobile in terms of what you did you know you did everything that you could to try to try and help that poor Gail so I’m very very glad that you managed to forgive yourself afterwards I’m just on the forgiveness side in terms of what the pimp did and you said you forgave someone the reason that resonates with me is because I was a soldier left for that as well and it was it was a crossroads in my life and I probably didn’t go to the same extent of depression obviously my circumstance was slightly different but one of the things I would say is that when I forgave that pace and and I disassociated that paid more my life became so much better I I was able to find beauty in stuff again I met my wife I I’m things despite changing for me massively and forgiveness I don’t know if this is a male thing I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a stubborn passing growing up and it’s just my character it was difficult there was there was ego attached to it doesn’t wash off to give somebody else and is what you just said they had power over me and the moment I kind of I actually it roll it out myself and finally to fight you sent on Facebook because I knew the person was and I wrote a message saying I must be forgiving you for me not not yourself because I I’m not even sure if that person remembers it first always to if that yeah if the categories below that I need to do this for me and when I did that according spend it was almost like instant dot I had this relief over me so I I think this view from I’m so glad that you’ve done that but it just shows I mean you she said trouble follows you initially I was thinking what is Dave up to on his case but I to be what you are trying to do is that you just try and save and I get you I get that feeling of injustice when you fill that especially I think when somebody else who’s the more helpless than yourself is in this situation getting taken advantage of I think another thing I just want listens to really take home from it other than the three important things that day stresses control the controllable was yeah and if I may do a quick segue then I want to speak about the stuff that you told me prior to coming on the show which is obviously what we haven’t touched on but I think a game is definitely going to add some value to Alice this so if it’s alright with you Dave just in terms of some of the health complications because there was a pivotal point when you made a choice and it’s not choice I really want to kind of delve into and what this this to kind of take a lesson from the from me yes so other what we’re talking about here is the C. functions and other health I am so years ago a spy game breathless and make up the point where I can even by the bike down hill without being out of breath I’m and I went to see the doctor is in the got the same cost my no you haven’t yes how many got a boy I never actually got back Klaas about so we lose not strange and we’ve got that class of dogs and the doctor actually can there are protests do we really know allow us man we did the COPD test which I’m never smoking a lives on it wasn’t anything that never would rust vessels and I lock for what he did get a build out awesome and so they said yeah you got something going on we along so well since it along to someone someone someone console and said yeah you got out of time as far as you sent by one costly and now it sucks out the eight percent by one class A. IRA got paralyzed die from well they don’t believe the standalone so sexual and mountain religious then and the knowledge that all the tests tomorrow said yeah you’ve got Iran Iraq from all your own disease Sargon from last night yes it’s a box the moms come must match the Harmonia owns these anyway so I was on day six times a day and plus Martina was I was like a zombie it was horrendous I was moments in every day and most ineffective headaches we’ve got such a you know I can do the basic things like going to flow in the children play jigsaws I think also point why apple only hearing of the moment is no no no when the bodies are asking the simple basic docked things play football or may do this do not I have all the people of Bob let’s say no you know and so a long time sampling insight and how the topless Raquel Altamira Hache bottom side effects now through my experiences well you know what I’m I’m quite blocking why I’m very good at taking the emotion now situations now looking at the fox and I thought you know what black and white I would rather be in pain and broke free and be in pain I have a lot of books in the system out and side effects so I said to my wife is a rock coming up on the topless and I came up from overnight I she she was there in the old up room he gonna die you gonna die yeah I said you know what the only person in control of may is may you know I don’t mean about why are negative ways for I’ve got to make the right decision to make my body I when you look at how the body works anyway isn’t is a genius to recall we just abuse it you know I know you know there is hope that we can fix so many things and we just feel it right and actually you know do the meditation do the yoga do whatever needs to take as a fuel line so how about ten days of shit hell it was horrible balls in a spot left in the fog closing was coming I could stop walking about federal occurs logging on the floor playing the kids I’m once you get a little bit of hope was amazing no big the light is you know you start seeing the future again stop seeing what’s happening a soul as I get a bit more of a better quality of life and they’re all just because of the free I was honestly and all about eight weeks ago I am my back is been called me a lot of pain and so I went for an MRI and engine I’m all right and they said the August of a spinal canal stenosis which also means I will to power lines at some point now I’ve just put me back I watched in those couple days I’m not able to walk properly it’s been a nightmare I am I saw once okay so and in the seventh year private canceling because the NHS about eighteen weeks and then he somehow manages and I said look awake in mental health did you know cost I just called to say that is I don’t want all through her bedside manner when is his worst of anywhere and you may as well talking to dignitas because at least you got nice holiday Swithland I am and for those who don’t know what the process is is the place where people go to end the life legally in Switzerland and why is basically saying is because of my lungs and the way the violin capacity is one on your own everything else he said there was a hundred percent chance of death on the operating table so the choice I was now faced with was desktop Rosi’s which you know not many people help us all Giles in the life is usually showing up at economic I’m as I’m with Josh and I have a I and my overall overwhelming and emotional about signing wasn’t one of mine and stress it was actually graduate and banks eyelash ISIS shook him by the hand of the Jenny when I thank you from the bottom half of the way you’ve explained it to me and it looks a bit shocking if you use them well if you were to said there was a sixty percent chance of dying on the table but not may well have been going through my mind constantly which were struck by the time away from my kids my stretches time with my kids I wouldn’t think about it my way is it worth the risk where is now you said you got homes and John the dying it’s taking not this is not my hands now provoke someone I want to focus on which is a plus the things in my life I can still have a relationship when the boys in a wheelchair account of him that you know so that’s all I think again there’s always something to be grateful fall it’s just we don’t want to look for it very sorry to hear you consistent house from was there but I just think it’s B. for how you or somebody who’s been faced with those adverse to all this trouble and stuff and you still see the gratitude side of it and this was at you while I want to speak about the star of the show but you got to answer the question and I think it lies in the hundred percent that the console came back with so when they said you had a hundred percent they took that decision out of your hands and obviously you were left with one choice but even so then I still think you made an incredible choice that I think the list is content value from is that it’s very easy to sit and feel sorry for yourself I think why me I don’t deserve this the world’s after me I’m always trying to be a good person I’m always trying to do good stuff was a calmer this broad just think is be for that the first thing that came in your mind was okay cry shoot what kind of take from this wall the positives from this and this is kind of all want the show to be about we’re going to be hit with life you know from different time people had bought cards out to assess and time some ways to know this but it’s about one supposed to that we can just draw from this what moment off hoping you system debut for a year on his bike and hope back in that little girl is always let’s get the whole back in our eyes as well as individuals this is a question you know you say why many people it’s not a question that you can I sell why not me yeah you know what makes me so special why I should get the address Yala stress all whatever you know the end of the day I truly believe we we only given what we can handle via email and I’m very I’m using this as a way of spreading the message out like you know what no my how things get yeah there’s a quote by Jim Rohn one moments also I think he’s just a genius I am I am one of those quotes and all I’m paraphrasing a little bit below a side and after every recession this growth of the darkest hour blow is symbolized you can’t get the glory can’t get the really good stuff yeah without going through the doctor’s is it possible that we all are stressed now live we can’t do anything about but what we can do is how we react to it what we can change our reacts like and I don’t see that is not one single person I can give me and an experience our situation where I will not be able to find a possible landing gear from every single aggressively both very expensive often will have a positive on a landing path absolutely I think that’s a brilliant analogy in general is obviously one of my mentors as well as you were saying that was almost thinking very quickly let the adversity that I’ve been through enough though about how much wiser and how much more resilient how much stronger I I’m as a pace and as a result of it and although we in that particular moment you’re you’re going to wish this never happened but I’m so grateful that my whole perception myself awareness and everything that I’ve become over the last three or four years I don’t think would have ever got that just by reading books or watching you two videos sold out in a way I’m grateful for I suppose in and maybe that’s those are the words not because I’ve heard you say that but I am I know you always say you know why not me but it’s very inspiring to his someone like yourself you not your messages to others who share your story out and hopefully change people’s perception and the way that they see the road is on because if you can see from the way you see intent of this is look at the beauty from this let’s just take a lesson from it them I think will be a much much better place definitely for the six okay now obviously your life and Dave is obviously a lot different to you say ten fifteen years ago of C. with health complications this stuff is all and I you got two young boys as well what’s today’s life than for you like a typical day several days I’ll wake up in a guarantee that me eight year old eighties and Solomon but all laid on the bed next was involved the wife and the son and of the self control and it is extremely caring loving my twelve year old he’s got this box here and and is on the autistic spectrum and got some eleven to go is and is now is say Thailand good lately well day now when nobody is looking and but yeah he’s just bombed by use of that the first thing people say I am a which gives me the Spanish right away to get open stop doing and is it you know I would be racism drop into the question you know we’re only a fine line between depression not the question and and so seen those in the morning and it gives me a strand stretch the Waco best thing to do is I’ll just lie in bed and I’ll list off in my mind and that will mean changes after the day and also walk I’m grateful fall before he went off and I am a great fan of visualizing and and just understanding now let me out of control of how our day and happens and then I’ll go downstairs of breakfast and usually the Bosnian skill and I always say the fast off hours right now it’s just meditate and you know I can meditate with boss people talking to me I can just jump into it now and and then I’m ready for the day a lot of the day and the the first question I always ask guaranteed when I stopped into wet mold is you can help that’s the first question I always ask yourself why he can help it’s not about money is not about fighting you know a lot of my life has been bouncing around in the background now I mean I’m not now I’ll set this business of in the last year or so Abbas available in the form of in the background and you know the signs when why who don’t realize this I am at all I then think about well actually doing this all thing I’m going to speak in say a hundred people off thousand people which you know even if it’s only five percent of the people want to take on board what site basta lot change now so yeah the border and the solving the bass and I I don’t have I don’t go through life with a plan now and I’m not I’m not a big plus I just say I just take off to anywhere Jim this is I am a tree everybody’s equal and respectful I and thank you know good things are tracking go things to me so what is your intentions and what version you know forget about how you get that they also self out devil of that message I think cam is something all I preach quite a bit as well in terms of intent is all and I just absolutely love your intense for the day are you cannot how and I can see that this genuine it’s authentic obviously from hearing your box story in terms of see the work that you’ve done even now it’s it’s it’s a selfish thing it’s not like a promotional thing in terms of Hey look at me it’s kind of let you guys let me help you move forward in life is on a really really do like that and I think we are in a society in I’m not here to kind of go off on a rant and stuff but there are people he manipulate people quite on social media in terms of trying to even make a ball I said things always almost like tell themselves and if you really grinds my gears it January does because I think I obviously come from a similar situation to yourself a lot of the the work I’ve done I’ve always tried to be selfless because I’m Linda from a mobile homes foster care she’s adopted kids she was a nice a whole life why then gave a very lucrative job to become a social worker trying to change the world as a sort of a cat realize you quickly I could do that I have brothers and sisters at you from the foster care system you have got waters and special needs so a lot of my life has always been about savings and even this podcast itself is truly is a passion project my sole purpose when I do this episode is kinda just Spock one paces mine today and I’ve always done the and from the moment I released it irrespective of mild is always in the way of my accent was will be starring Anna being or the long I was I hopefully I can give someone dot of maybe inspiration that if I can do they can do more employees gay people it yourself on to the show to really change their perspective and make them realize actually we need to come by our excuses we need to face off is because that’s where that’s for the beauty lies in life and I’m sure they respect them for the bad things are going on in your life I’m sure even a much better place especially between your is that in your mind right not having suffered everything that you saw fit and the reason I asked about the routine is always because I’m a firm believer that we all results of the hobbits not before when a daily basis so it’s nice to see you obviously how liberating gratitude you’ve got your kids stay the ship instant inspiration not sure why that gets you out of bed on in the meditation a game that is something that I really need to work on so the fact that you can just going to meditation at any stage I’m assuming it’s because you’ve been practicing it for a long time yeah yeah stop it absolutely absolutely so think of just one particular instance date just for the the laces of when you paid for investigate it could be something that you already mentioned or it could be something completely different but what I want you to do is actually give us one thing that maybe somebody who has a similar predicament or similar scenario where they can say actually I can relate to that yes whatever experience and we go through and a lot of my experience is a lot of people comes afterwards all my life for the past year or so yeah for me for a long way because I don’t really think is exciting and ball I think one of the things that have the biggest impact on me and people will so I relate to this war the been threw themselves on the scene on the news is when I was homeless and is a huge story at the moment being homeless and then I was sixteen on time when I was done on the house and my first night we spend ninety nine to this wall so what does he once he is running with all those years ago and I and my first night was spent in a very small great been shot full of cobwebs side there is but one dollar range run this on the clock and I was thrown out by and the reason why I was blown out is because I am I wanted to be a volunteer I wanted to sell the chalk at club and also went broke I am done once been a gallon he wants to escape self and the club address and I don’t want to stay in self in the bay of address and as always was a log heads and we didn’t see eye to eye in just three now the house so for two years more showers living above Rubino squats in cemeteries Simon pop and she is but during this time and I was all the dog inside the thought you know what why the plane going bottom down south saying sorry out in a gallon when it’s a yes the knocking about shock at about one assault you know and one thing I always advocate is delayed I just yourself no no my you comes out of your life goes out you live as usual a lot a selling point as well as a lot of depression happens a lot mental health issues because you’re not living it yourself you live in the store with other people and making out I am and so I was quite adamant that I wanted to get a shock at club morning because we have no internet no phones I got Dave that’ll get signposted surveys jocks all counseling while yeah I just went to my plan I saw knocking on doors asking for money for the shock at club I and I one point I was in the same clothes I’ve been in about three months I was seriously on the white and I was still going on the doors and the receipt about two and a half thousand knows a lot of rejection because why would anybody gave a sixteen year old money is quickly close you know some money for his jock at gold is for drugs clearly now that’s what I was thinking and so I met this guy yeah the council and said you know I want it’s going to I watch yes games and now I really want to get a shock at global warming I and he helped me with that a business plan to go back to these offices to show them the business plan and see where and get the money I wouldn’t twenty five knocks about twenty five yes isn’t enough money to get a job at a club morning which is incredible join up out of the nose you know and then there’s a great picture that we see on the internet somebody dig in this year’s splice so my Dick in was a minute walking away another friend is apart goals I am is I always believe is out the darkest hour his generals and out the darkest hour anything you know what about people just get a bit more he’s not this way the excitement is about when is when you want to give all I’m just a you know watch Lamar knocks one more email one more call us when a locked in when you are the lowest because just testing you see what you really want to and all I so I got this job that global warming and the plastic he’s always the council and they run into the ground with a mostly closed now I can enjoy the controls I was emotionally spent on this point I was drained it was gone and I was in hospital as well on its own and was known under white magician why you want to call it I am at bottle everything all my energy into getting the shock a clock now what I learned from not a is you know see three to the very end now if you’ve got someone of your passion about see three other very and and if you don’t as much as you can and you can no more just make peace it is not gonna really made in semi better you know I mean Paul I recognized by gone as far as the court I can’t control the people’s behavior you know and that behavior was I want money from their offices to regenerate itself but to put money into the council offices not to sell jog or clubs no I did exactly what I need to do I just I made I am my dream trade I am but what Bob was allowed me now is is give me an experience I can fall back on so every time I’m doing a project I make choices available when I pass all over I do my due diligence to make sure all bought you know about products developed developer Larry and get a scapegoat develops at some point may soon now I’m just making sure everything is in place so when I walk away it’s gonna be that in five years time you know but without like Spain’s we’re doing the same mistake again and again and again and again you know Paul I didn’t have and two years was a I was on the street on the sale of the book of data squawks other than almost hospitals you know I’m a mess Billy a silent people you know I’m I like the net almost as Lois offered I’m not block mage was the next number by the federal daily I and I was looking down on them and think you know your skull I’m my first thought was you know what this is my classmates call calmly these are my people I’m in this position so that ball is only fat I get to know them I respect I understand how the docks where they are as I used to ask questions to them and say you know I’ve just said that listens to them and some of the address alike the difference being as I could cope doctors say how could solve the problem analyze it naturally leave me through it which is why they got was not situation of armed robbery and anyway long story Shaw I’ve got a job and may never in a telemarketer place and I hated it with a passion also two days that made one single sale because I didn’t make I am a single phone call I hated it I and I got socks and I went back in and there’s a lot going on Monday when the wages on as a way not game thank you note delays and stock prices big argument honest I’m gonna see this place called a small man and when say it’s for the money which is locked out a few weeks later I got knocked on the door and it was solved is the ID on I was arrested crossing the plate I slash identically smoke so I was placing seven and a half years in prison and I don’t have a clue how or why this is happened by the demo tape the doctor I’ll let you know I know I live by and miss all the pretty much depend on me foremost lasers answering bail and the Saudi offices that don’t even play you can go as a volunteer but more than not and several somebody’s actually own up to it so much contrast it turned out the the drug dealer there was a living wage I had not been arrested and Josh with it down into the police station on is what’s where I can access only substrate going down they did date I think you’re fast seven years now the reason why I say that story is because you’ve got some accounts so he with that to safeguard the children’s future on that strangely round one interested yeah you get the proceeds come on the air the armed robbers look dealer because I treated them respects because I listen to them because I don’t to start well they had a story when they need it save the actual the looked a lot when in and confessed and got some yes free on my behalf you know so lost just shows and from that point on I talk a lot in the connection speak in a subtle about pre judging in business just treat everybody respects organised on the everybody’s got a story your son is being that it’s just yet the golf story the gonna solve issue that we not been able to watch the results themselves problem some slack give them respect say I’m here for you if you want to talk about it if not just walk away by Alicia tried don’t reactionary supports about negative it’s a treat everybody with respect equally and it will come back to have holes in the future a currency that’s yes this is a Dave I understand entirely now what people are saying that life is so boring compared to yours because it’s such an incredible story I just them I get a bit emotional when I just see let people do really good things for people like do this office act so that act there from the seat scum of the earth is just absolutely it’s it’s a beautiful lesson it’s a lesson for us all to obviously take on board and again you’ve you said the right words that we need to call people slack when somebody maybe approaches in the wrong way or that might be having a bad day but if you could just or treat each other with kindness and respect I think the will just be in such a bad place but there’s another brit lesson to gain that you touched on it I want people to take home is persistence two thousand five hundred knows now there’s a lot of us including myself don’t even wanna get rejected once and I think we have to get used to you know where is my perceptions change or not not for example I am in property so the amount of rejection from stages is incredible and I will say not every time again no it’s okay but now one step closer to that yes again it’s just it’s just a note saying I say to myself and not kind of destroys me on to go forward so I think not gain is an incredible less and and on that note we aren’t you going to go into a part of the show which is a very random policial I’m not sure you’ll even aware of this but what I do that is just for about sixty to ninety seconds just a bit of lighthearted fun just to kind of give the listeners I love it more about you just a bit more of a flavor because obviously sometimes the stories can be quite dog so this is just gonna be a bit of lighthearted fun so are you ready I’m ready okay fantastic so we’re gonna stop in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be hate crime Muncie on Monday night many night good choice your favorite hobby read it your biggest role model my sons what would you like to be remembered for the cat your biggest goal this year S. speaking in New York your worst mistake not me the wife early enough if you could relive one day again which they would it be well I didn’t die the ability to fly or be invisible invisible the number one thing that annoys you not by males money or fame now that you’re proudest moment John cat global movement your favorite food that isn’t ships what song best describes your life Elvis Presley walk a mile in my shoes if you had an extra hour day how would you spend it on the bodies Netflix the jeep Eugene your number one piece of advice to your children yes self our favorite motivational speaker calyces I’m finally if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be but one that mom side love that make so how did you find out hot hot again the beautiful thing with this is obviously people can take as long as I want really to answer the questions and all the sudden caught the dead space so it makes you actually look like a must the mind intense anger I answered straight away okay we’re almost at the end is shown I Dave so I’m a fan believe the hindsight is a wonderful thing and upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are quick cash easy at Willis heartache but I’m sure you’ll agree that obviously the Janie teach to so much as well so knowing exactly what you know now if you could take yourself back to younger Dave and whispers something in that person’s yeah what would you say I would go but it’s the first night being homeless find out west in the they all went south they all went sour is yeah everything’s very reason evidence rallies on alphaworks out just a sense of hope yeah it’s just people get you know I don’t know people get bogged down in how how how to get to a place house the this you know if we just relaxed and just trusted Argo and did what we felt was right mmhm then it will never send you in a long path yeah hi my name is and your address pop and you know not very nice pa every single one when I look back and I do mean all of me speaking now I want to die was a look back every single aspect of my life and it’s been like therapy I and I look back a sliding doors moment some water you know what I’m I’m not change anything I think you stories incredible not enough I think we’ve all got a story to be honest yeah we can order back in the console cut the moments is sometimes it is just about actually acknowledging it and not does suddenly bring us on a key to the last question and the last question I always ask one of my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science house to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Dave and it’s not all the way in a wonderful incredible things that you’ve done in life you know the life that you’ve touched firstly what with the title of the book B. and secondly what with the summer at the back tell us about your side of the ball I don’t know and hopeless almost zero I love that yeah Linda and the Blair probably say something light it had an impact some more lives than actually name and it was okay without involved yeah yeah I think that’s brilliant I’m Dave just before we close the show will give the list as a chance love to connect with you via social media channels is there anything that you wish I had asked you today no no it this court is court yes towards pretty much everything okay fantastic well if there is obviously anything people come to connect with you I would definitely order my list is to connect with Dave after the show Dave where is the best place people can reach out and send you a DM life playground Islington and which is Dave happens speaker you can get me on Facebook as well David half men and bought my Facebook page is not talked about moment except Paul manages an online okay fantastic I what we’ll do is always to get day anti links and open the show or not so just to make it easier for everyone they let you have to click it I want to thank Dave for sherry he story seventies vulnerabilities and shown his wisdom fun today show and also wanna thank everyone at home thanks for listening thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

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